Darling, I Just Can't Go On

I stripped my clothes off of myself before stepping under the firey hot spray of water pouring from my shower head. I lets the streams of water beat down against the tense muscles of my back before tilting my head eough to wet down my long blonde hair.

I tried to hurry through the motions as the hot water pounded against the tender skin of my hip making me wince everytime I turned into the water. The thin red lines stood out against the pale skin, some of them breaking due to the water pressure.

Watching the red streak slowly down my leg put me in a trance and I barely noticed that my father had gotten home.

It was only when he called out to me that I shut the water off and wrapped a towel around myself.

"Sorry dad, I was in the shower." I called down the hallway as I moved from the bathroom to my own room right across the hall.

"I was thinking that we could order in for dinner, chinese maybe?" He called back to me from his bedroom.

"Sounds good to me," I confirmed before shutting and locking my door.

I dressed quickly in a pair of black shorts and an oversized Blink-182 hoodie before falling back onto my bed, towel still wrapped tightly around my dripping hair.

Faintly the sound of someone knocking on the door could be heard.

"Will you get that Andi?!" My father yelled, his voice carrying through my shut door.

I sighed, standing up and unlocking my door, moving quickly down the stairs until I reached the door. When I pulled it open, the last people I expected were waiting there.

"Hey Andi," Rian said. "I wasn't kidding about taking a look at your car."

His friends all stood behind him, one of whom I hadn't seen around school before, but I'd heard to he went to a school across town.

"I meant it when I said you didn't have to." I said, suddenly very aware that I was wearing very small shorts.

"Well I insist, and won't take no as an answer."

With a sigh I grabbed my keys off of the dish that sat next to the door before stepping out onto the porch, closing the door behind me.

"Just get out of the shower?" Jack asked, and I could feel his eyes on my exposed legs.

"God Jack, try and keep it in your pants." Alex said hitting his best friend.

"Here," I mumbled handing the keys to Rian, avoiding the two boys who were now in a slapping fight.

I crossed my arms tightly over my chest, glad I'd decided to go with the big hoodie and not the tighter one.

I mostly just stood back and watched the boys work, only looking away when I decided to take my hair down. I slipped the towel away from the long strands of hair, stopping only briefly to rub my hair around once more with it.

I decided to head inside after that because I could feel Jack and Alex's eyes on me, Rian and the other boy, Zack I learned, being the only ones actually doing any work.

I tossed my towel in the laundry room once inside and I found my dad in the kitchen.

"What were you doing out front?" He questioned with his eyebrow tipped up slightly.

"My car broke down this moring and the Dawson kid plus his firends are out there trying to fix it." I answered with a shrug.

"Well thats nice of them, although maybe some different pants on your end would have been a good idea," He said giving me a knowing look, one that said he knows how boys are around girls.

"I wasn't expecting them otherwise I would have." I said lightly before grabbing a grabola bar out of the pantry. "Did you order the Chinese yet?"

"Just did, right before you walked in actually."

I merely nodded before going back up to my room to lie down until the food got there.

My room ended up being overly hot for some reason I didn't understand, making me resort to opening my window before I went back to my bed, pulling my laptop out from under it. I put some music on, leaving the volume turned all the way up from the other day, before laying back against my pillows.

I could hear yelling outside faintly over my music, but I tried to block out the boy's voices as my mind wandered.

Not even realizing it, my hand started tracing along the red lines running all sorts of directions across my hip and upper thigh.

I snapped out of my trance quickly when I heard the door opening and closing downstairs. I stood up quickly, pulling my shorts back down to their original position before moving out my bedroom door, leaving the music playing and window open.

~

Outside, Alex and the other boys were just messing around until they heard a window open, making them all look up. Alex was only able to catch a quick glimpse of Andi before she was gone again, not even taking time to look down at the guys in her front yard.

He didn't think anything of it until music flowed loud and steady out of the window.

I'm climbing the walls, I'm searching for answers
The gears in my mind, are turning like dancers
I'm trying to find, the words but I just can't speak

I'm living proof, broken and defeated
I'm the shattered youth and no one could believe it
If I can't have you, then darlin' I just can't go on
Show me where the light is leading