Darling, I Just Can't Go On

The one place I found refuge in during the long school days was the library, where I often went during my free period. I would always leave fourth as quickly as I could just so i could snag myself the normal seat I took, before pulling out whatever book I was in the process of reading.

On any given day I could normally eat through a whole book.

Most people saw it as weird, but I saw it as an escape, a safer one at least. The stories made it easier to leave my own life behind as I lived out someone else's through the words of the author.

I was lost in the book already, almost half way through after picking it up this morning from the library before home room.

It took me more than a few minutes to notice when someone had sat down across the table from me, the person sitting quietly as they waited for me to notice.

"Do...Do you need something?" I asked, confusion evident in my voice at the brown hair boy who decided to show up.

"I just saw you sitting here-" Alex started, but broke off. "I can leave if you want."

Before I could even answer he was already moving to stand up.

"You can stay if you want..." I mumbled, making him freeze up. "I won't be much conversation."

To my shrug he only nodded, sitting back down and pulling out a small black notebook that was held closed with a elastic band that wrapped around it, one that looked like it came with the book.

"I was just going to write anyway," He said noticing me wondering eyes. "The other tables are a bit loud and they keep trying to talk to me."

I nodded my head at his words although I had no way to relate to them at all. I never had the issue of people talking to me when I didn't want them to, or just people talking to me in general.

"You sure you don't mind?" He asked again, and I only nodded before dropping my eyes back down to the words on the page.

Try as I might, I couldn't seem to shake off the fact that someone was in close proximity to me. Reading seemed to be a lost cause when i realized that I'd read the same sentence over four times already without being able to absorb it.

Alex on the other hand seemed to have no problem losing himself in whatever he was writing because even when I put my book down his eyes didn't stray from the paper for even a second. And so I just watched as he wrote, taking in the look of pure concentration that took over his entire face as he jotted his thoughts down quickly.

"Having fun?" He asked looking up suddenly making a light rose color bloom across my cheeks.

"Sorry," I mumbled, eyes instantly moving to look at my hands which were fidgiting slightly in my lap.

"It's fine, I don't mind." He said, and I took a chance to glance up through the veil of my blonde hair, hoping it covered the blush that was still present.

Silence fell over us once more, the sound of his pen scratching against paper being the only sound. But with the silence came a feeling of awkwardness that crept its way up through my stomach.

I wasn't used to being around someone I wasn't really familiar with, and even being in the car with Rian, who had been my neighbor ever since I could remember, made me feel uneasy.

"So..." I started, trying to find some way to rid myself of the awkward feeling. "What are you writing?"

I knew my words came out barely audiable, but I begged that he heardme so I wouldn't have to repeat myself. Saying it once was bad enough.

"Lyrics." He stated simply, quickly crossing out one word and replacing it with another before finally looking up at me again. "I write most of the songs for my band."

I nodded, chewing lightly at the side of my bottom lip as I tried to think of something else to say to break the silence.

"All Time something right?" I asked, trying to conjure up the full name without any luck.

"All Time Low, yes." He said with a smile as if me not knowing his band's name didn't bother him.

I nodded once more, this time words were even more difficult to string together, so i just went back to watching my hands fidgit.

"You don't talk much do you?" Alex asked, and with a quick glance up found him staring at me, arm proped up on the table with his face leaning against his hand.

I just shrugged again, looking over to the clock noticing that the period was almost over meaning lunch, and hopefully Alex's departure. I felt uncomfortable under his analyzing eyes and even though I was moderately okay with him being there at first, I was ready for him to leave.

But when the bell did ring and most of the students cleared out from their lunch period, he stayed rooted in his place, eyes still locked on me.

"Any reason why you don't talk? You seem like you'd have a lot to say..."

Again, I only replied with a shurg, begging for him to take the hint to leave.

But he just contined to watch me before going back to writing whatever lyrics he had been working on before.