Darling, I Just Can't Go On

"I'll see you guys later," I said as I hugged Alex, all of us standing next to Rian's car which Jack and Rian had already gotten into.

"I'm still bummed you aren't coming with us today," Alex sighed as he held me tightly. "I mean I want you there for all of our recording."

"I want to be there too but school is ending soon and this was the only time my dad could get off for the whole week end for us to go to New York." I explained as I rested my head lightly against his chest.

It wasn't until a loud honk sounded and half of Jack's body was hanging out of the passenger's side door screeching at us that Alex and I finally ended the hug, me backing away slightly while
giving a small wave.

"I'll see you when you get back," Alex said with a small smile before moving out of sight to get in Rian's car.

With a sigh I turned and headed towards my own car, getting beeped at when Rian drove past me only seconds later.

"BYE ANDI, I LOVE YOU!" Jack screamed out the car window as his upper torso hung out of it before he was yanked back in quickly.

A small laugh left me as I shook my head, climbing into my own car and turning it on.

~~

"We're almost there," Dad spoke, bringing me out of my trance of looking out the window at the interstate flying past us at 75 MPH.

"Awesome," I said sending him a smile just before I felt my phone begin to vibrate in my pocket.

Pulling it out I saw that it was an incoming call from Jack which made me furrow my eyebrows together and I pressed the green answer button, "Yeah?"

"Don't talk my sweet, just listen," Jack said in a mock seductive voice before rustling filled my ear. I waited silently while getting a look from my dad before the sound of Alex's voice filled the phone, my eyes lighting up when it did.

"Lights out, I still hear the rain..."

I sighed happily as I pulled my legs up to my chest, despite the uncomfortable seat belt digging into the stomach, while closing my eyes so I could imagine the scene that was going on two and a half hours away in Baltimore.

Alex would be in the booth with those big headphones over his ears, his beanie covering his hair so that it wouldn't get tangled, his eyes shut as he sang his heart out into the microphone.

Jack would be sitting down next to Dean in the stupid swivel chair that he liked to spin himself around in until we had to force him to sit on the couch so he wouldn't throw up all over the sound board, with his phone held next to one of the speakers so that I could hear.

"Don't make this easy, I want you to mean it, Jaseyyyy."

I continued to listen for the rest of the song before there was more rustling and Jack's voice faintly in the background, "Hey fucker come talk to your lady!"

I couldn't help but let out a light laugh at his words before another, clearer voice spoke.

"So I take it you were listening?" Alex asked and I couldn't suppress the grin on my face.

"You were amazing as usual," I laughed. "You left me breathless."

"I tend to do that to the ladies, I mean you heard me. I'm fucking flawless."

"Cool it you cocky bastard," I joked, getting a sideways glace from my dad, much like the ones I had been getting ever since I answered the phone. "You may be gorgeous but I wouldn't go as far as flawless."

"Bitch please," He scoffed playfully. "So how goes the trip?"

"Well we're still about a half hour from the city but yeah, good." I said, leaning back in the seat and moving so that the front of my body was facing towards my door. "It would have been awesome if you could have come."

"I wish I could be there just as much as you want me there," He muttered lightly, probably so that the guys couldn't hear what he was saying as clearly.

"How much longer are you in the studio?" I questioned, moving away from the topic that made the guilt twist in my stomach.

"For today, I only have to run a few more tracks, but we still have a busy month a head of us before Graduation." He explained giving a huff and I could only imagine him taking his beanie off before running a hand through his hair roughly.

"Alright well I'll let you get back to it then." I sighed. "Text me when you guys leave the studio."

"Okay, I'll talk to you later Darling," He said making a deep red bloom across my cheeks at the term of endearment.

"Bye Lexi," I replied, hearing a snort before hitting the end button which brought the smile back to my face, the blood slowly draining from my face.

"So I take it that was Alex?" I heard dad ask making me turn back over so that I didn't have my back to him anymore.

"Well Jack was the one who called me, but yeah I ended up talking to Alex." I explained.

"It still baffles me how you and those boys ever became so close," He commented, more so to himself tan to me I think.

"Alex has helped me a lot, and with Alex comes Jack and the guys." I said with a shrug.

"You always say that Alex helped you, but you never say with what he helped you exactly."

I gave another shrug as I pulled my knees back into my chest protectively before resting my chin on my knee caps, "He was the one who helped me quit."

"Quit...?" He asked, his tone confused yet almost knowingly.

"You know," I said as a hand moved to trace lines across the plain of my hip, "quit."

Noticing the movement he made a sudden sound of understanding, as if the pieces had all fallen into place in his mind.

"And when did he help you achieve this?"

"...The day you found out." I mumbled quietly. "He came over and patched me up before you got home and stayed with me until I fell asleep. You got there when I was changing the bandages he had put on for me."

"You're telling me that you had him in the house while I was gone, and he was there to take care of you?" He asked sounding more than just shocked.

I just shrugged again and remained silent as my thoughts drifted back to that terrible day that made things change for the very best. Thinking of the way that Alex held me as I laid limp on the bed before falling asleep from the light loss of blood that made my head spin.

"Is that why the two of you are so close?" Dad finally asked after we had been sitting in silence for a few minutes.

"Yeah," I sighed, resting my head against the cold window. "He more or less saved my life and he's been by my side ever since."

"Then why are you leaving?" He questioned. "Why aren't you staying back home so that you can have him by your side still?"

I couldn't tell if the tone in his voice was serious or if he was being an ass and mocking what I had just said.

"It's complicated," I sighed ending the conversation then and there.