Darling, I Just Can't Go On

As I looked at myself in the mirror, I saw only a small amount of brusing on my upper arms, mostly just tiny little things that hurt more than they appeared.

The upper half of my body looked decent compared to the lower half.

I let my eyes trace over the mutilated flesh, the cuts still fresh and raw. My face held no emotions as I looked on. My only real reaction was to bandage it up before going to lay down.

The music was playing softly, but my ears couldn't pick up any of it. I felt numb right down to my core, and all I wanted was sleep.

~~

Alex joined me again the next day, and the day after that, and again the day following that. I was starting to realize that he planned on sitting with me everyday.

I tried my hardest to ignore him, or the way that he would watch me, but it finally became too much and I moved myself to a different table. I was hoping he would take the hint and just leave me alone, but no such luck.

All I wanted was to be able to curl in on myself with a book and lose myself for those fifty minutes when I didn't have a class. I needed the time to just sit when all I did during the day was move around.

I needed time to relax so that the pain radiating from my right side could decrease even a fraction.

But another day came and I found myself with company, and this time one Rian Dawson had decided to join us as well.

"I was wondering who Alex spent so much time with down here..." He commented as he sat down in the chair to the right to mine, Alex taking the one across from me as per usual.

I just pulled my book out, trying to not make eye contact as I did so, before blocking out their presence. But everytime I went to adjust my position, I found myself fliching or taking in a silent intake of breath. I could normally keep myself under check, but it seemed like they were deeper than I recalled making them.

"You okay?" Rian asked, sending me worried glances.

"Just sore..." I answered quietly before standing up. I slipped my book back into my beg before going to sign myself out.

I moved out of the library quickly, heading for the bathroom.

Once in one of the stalls I pulled the top of my pants down, finding that the recent additions to my leg had broken open and were bleeding out, right through the side of my underwear and even onto my jeans.

A groan escaped me as I wadded up toilet paper to dab away the blood.

I spent the rest of my free period trying to clean myself up, also dreading seventh period with Alex.

~~

As guessed, when Alex walked into the room, he instantly looked back at me with questions in his eyes, ones I didn't intend on answering.

I just slipped my headphones in and doodled on the margins of my paper once the teacher had told us that we had a free day.

I let the sounds of The Maine take over my brain, the words and melodies conjuring up something for me to think about other than Alex and how he had taken such an interest in me. I refused to acknowledge it anymore, knowing that if I stopped responding, he would just go away.

~

Alex watched andi from his seat across the room, wondering why she had bolted from the library as quickly as she did, and even more so why she seemed like she was in pain.

He knew that he had maybe come on a bit too strong from the way she had been shutting him out since the first day he sat at the table with her, but he couldn't stop all the thoughts that she seemed to consume.

He had seen her around before, but he had never taken the time to actually talk to her, or take a real look at her. He could remember her from the beginning of freshamn year, even before that when they were in middle school, but he had never held a real conversation with her before this year.

He wanted to know more about the quiet girl who didn't talk.

What was she hiding?

He was set on finding out what made the girl tick.