Darling, I Just Can't Go On

By Monday I was tired of being alone, and even though I knew that I wouldn't talk to anyone, having people around me would make my nerves fo away. I thought that the day off would help me, but it just left me alone with my own thoughts for longer than is healthy for me.

The halls seemed more crowded than usual, but I didn't know if it was true or if I had just spent too much time alone.

I made it to my locker without any issues, but leaving for my class was a whole different story.

I stepped away too soon and ended up walking into a tall muscular figure, one the pushed me right back into the lockers with more force than what he should have. I cringed at the feeling of the locker dial digging into my lower back.

I was just going to let it go, but suddenly was infront of me, yet another tall figure.

"Hey lay off man," a familiar voice said.

"Why're you standing up for that freak Gaskarth?" The basketball player asked, the snide look on his face not wavering from when he had been looking at me. "She ain't anything special."

"You don't push a chick around man, not ever," Alex responded, grabbing lightly onto my wrist and pulling me forward, away from the now pissed off athlete.

It wasn't until I was to my class that I noticed the sunglasses that sat perched on Alex's face, or how drained he looked.

"Why would you do that?" I asked quietly, not wanting anyone around to overhear.

He just rubbed the side of his face, taking the glasses off only to wince at the lights. I could see plain as day the bags under his eyes, which were bloodshot.

"Like I said, a guy should never push a chick around," He said before turning around and walking away, not giving me a real answer, or more so the answer I wanted.

~~

That was the only day, at that point, that I wanted Alex to show up in the library, and when he did, he barely spoke five words.

He just sat and drew in the notebook he carried with him everywhere.

"Why do you look so shitty?" I blurted out after over ten minutes of scanning over his sunken and tired face.

A lopsided smile grew on my face as he looked up at me, and I took this as a chance to take in the fact that his eyes were no longer as red as they had been earlier.

"My Friday carried over to Saturday...and Sunday." He explained with a smal shake of his head. "I should know by now that drinking on a school night is never a good idea, espicially if it's going to be a Monday."

I didn't know how to responde to it, so I said nothing. I just nodded and looked down, bringing my knees up to my chest as my feet rested on the edge of the chair. I wrapped my arms around my shins while resting my chin on my knees.

"I wish you would talk more..." I heard Alex say quietly as he looked down at tha page in front of him.

"Why?" I asked as I looked at him, my head tilting to the side slightly.

He just smiled and shook his head, not looking up to meet my gaze.

It was quiet between us for a few minutes before he finally spoke up again, and said something I wasn't expecting.

"Would it be weird if I said that I like your voice?" He asked, finally taking the time to look up at me, locking his deep brown eyes into my own green ones. "I like how you talk, how your voice sounds when you talk."

I felt my eyes widen as he spoke, and no matter how hard I tired, i couldn't contain the blood that rose to my cheeks.

I looked away from him, chosing instead to look at a wall across the room, not expecting to speak, let alone open up to him.

"Why talk when no one will listen to what you have to say?" I said, instantly wanting to take the words back.

I dared look over at him, only to find him shutting his notebook and rising from his seat. I mentally scolded myself for saying what I did, or even speaking in the first place.

"I'd listen to whatever you had to say," was the last thing Alex said to me before walking away, leaving me to my own racing thoughts.

~~

I couldn't believe what I was thinking, or even that I would think something even close to it. It made no sense, and nothing good would ever come from it.

There was no way in hell that I could have feelings for Alex Gaskarth.

The very thought was laughable, but even so I found myself laying in bed thinking about nothing but him. I never expected him to talk to me, let alone say that he would listen to me if I talked more.

No one has ever really listened to me, let alone a guy who barely spoke to me before our senior year of high school.

It made no sense to me at all.

He was pretty popular, he was happy and he had friends, plus a pretty girlfriend. He had stuff going for him.

Why would he even think of talking to me? I was just a boring girl who didn't really have friends, or talk to people for that matter.

So why me?

I tried to shake away my thoughts of him, but the image of his face stayed firmly planted right in the front of my mind.

I knew I had gotten myself into a big mess.