Forgive Your Past

The tears rolled down her cheeks in a steady stream, like someone had turned on a faucet just enough that the water drip, drip, dripped down into the basin.

The visceral reaction of her silent, shoulder wracking sobs scared her. She worried that the other patron's would start to question her sanity, not that she had any left, he had squeezed out every inch as if the emotion sat in cheese cloth.

Lost in the anguish of the way he said her name, Kate, only Kate. Not Katie like he always had, singing its praises instead of questioning its validity. It hurt her more than it should have, clearly. But as she was lost in it, she barely noticed the quiet hum of her favourite song, so fitting in that moment, now you're just somebody that I used to know.

It wasn't until he go to the part where he insists she didn't have to change her number that Kate realized her phone was ringing. She looked through blurry vision at the screen, his name scrawled across it. She couldn't deal with this, didn't want to play this game, so she tapped reject. It was like the weight of the world raised off her shoulders, if only for a brief moment. At least she could breath again.

"Okay that's our time ladies and gentleman, remember to read chapters ten through twenty-six and complete the chapter questions, we will be discussing those the next time we meet."

Bodies flew up around her, it had been almost two weeks since the coffee shop incident but it still plagued Kate. She was glad that she had classes to throw herself into for a much needed distraction.

Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she left the classroom only to be greeted by Charlotte.

"So I was thinking," she began immediately, sauntering down the corridor like it was her own personal runway.

"Oh no," Kate groaned, only teasing her and then laughing at the glare she was being shot.

"Just hear me out before you reject me. So i've been thinking, there's this party off campus tonight and since you're in this like, rut or whatever, that we could go!"

"No," she dismissed right away, not even having to think about it.

Charlotte let out a frustrated scream, throwing her hands in front of her face like a horror movie heroine who had just discovered her friend's dead body.

Grabbing her by the wrist, Kate shushed her. "Could you embarrass me any further?"

"Will it make you come with me tonight?"

"No Charlotte!"

The other girl let out a noise in thought, Kate watching her roommate with a dramatic sigh. She knew that she wasn't going to take no as an answer, which didn't sit well with the tiny blonde.

"Okay fine, i'll go with you. Happy?"

Yelping, Charlotte pulled her into a tight hug. "You have no idea."

They both walked back to their room together, side by side while Charlotte did most of the talking. Kate wasn't the type to say much at all, so it worked out nicely to have such a loud friend, there weren't many awkward silences.

At almost nineteen, the two girls were well under the legal limit which was why an off campus party was the type Charlotte loved to go to. The threat of campus PD showing up was non existent, and the real police usually never bothered. On the rare occasion that they did, the stealth would slip into a neighbouring yard to hide out until the heat died down.

Explaining all of this to a stunned Kate while she was packed into the black sausage casing, Charlotte examined her frame. Up, down and then back up again, she judged every inch of the barely there fabric.

"Spin," she instructed nodding her head in satisfaction. "Wedge boots will look great with this, now time for the beauty treatment."

It wasn't that Kate couldn't get ready on her own, she was in possession of more than a few party worthy outfits. Her friend had insisted that she allow her the privilege of somewhat giving the blonde a makeover, taking her from English countryside to downtown LA. Who was she to put a damper on the excitement?

Out came the hot rollers, the train case of mix and match blush, eyeliners, mascara, eyeshadows, bronzer, eyebrow pencils and lipsticks. She was plucked, poked, teased, tamed, dipped in perfume, strapped into stilts and met with a huge smile.

"God you look good," Charlotte said admiring her work. "Would if I were single and in my experimentation phase," she winked, trying to not seem offensive. "Although i'm sure that Scott wouldn't mind."

Ah Scott, the trusty, sweet, patient boyfriend, he made Kate sick. She adored him, but he made Kate sick.

Actually they made her sick, the way he called just to say good night and then called eight hours later just to say good morning. He sent her flowers, left notes under the door, made her playlists. And they were supposed to be in college, they were supposed to be mature, young adults.

Truthfully she was jealous, almost forgetting what that feeling was like, trading it in favour of heartbreak and misery.

"Where are we meeting him again?" Kate shifted uncomfortably, watching Charlotte transform herself into her beach babe clone.

"Student parking lot, his pathetic friend with the BMW is driving us there and back," she smirked, applying the mascara with such precision it was almost art.

"Fancy, why am I not surprised?"

"Because you're learning quickly, I am completely corrupting you with my high standards and superficial tendencies."

"You're also trying to suffocate me, how do you breath in this thing?"

A burst of laughter exploded from Charlotte's cotton candy coloured lips, brushing her off to grab her purse and yank the poor girl off of the bed.

They had no worries about getting into this so called "exclusive" event, the crowd outside indicating that nobody was being turned away at the doors. The inside wasn't any better, as many people as the small space could bear were trapped in there, the music barely louder than their voices.

Kate was going to need a drink, and not some girly mixed drink. She was craving a good pint, although the red party cups and cheap PBR was far from what she would have preferred.

"I'm impressed," Scott bellowed over some song about da club, his eyes peering over his dark rimmed glasses.

"About what?" Kate questioned, watching him sling his arm over his lady's shoulders.

"That you're here, dressed in that and drinking a beer as opposed to one of those drinks that could be concocted out of the plethora of other alcoholic beverages."

"She's a wild one tonight babe," Charlotte chimed in, smirking into the red plastic.

"Better keep me away from the beer pong table then, it's a slippery slope," she winked, peering down into her cup only to hold it upside down with a pout.

She had been intent on having a good time, and alcohol was going to help her do that. She excused herself to go find the closest keg, one of four that she had already seen. As she smoothly navigated her way around various people, she felt someone grab her hand. For some reason a sense of dread sunk deep into her, a voice whispering his name.

That's ridiculous, she internally reminded herself. There was no way that Saint Harry of Cheshire would be anywhere near some random college party without some sort of entourage and screaming girls. She would have known if he were there.

Turning to see who the person invading her personal space was, she managed to drop her cup, cursing as it got lost in the sea of feet. Raising her eyes, she came face to face with someone she wasn't expecting, someone she had forgotten all about.

"Tom?" She asked surprised, a guilty smile crossing her features.

"Kate, wow you look great," he grinned, shyly trying to look her up and down without seeming like a pig.

He was such a gentleman, that was what had attracted her to him in the first place. He was one of Scott's mates, they had met at a diner Charlotte insisted they bring her to, to give her the full American experience. He had asked her out on a proper date, and they had started seeing each other recently. She had been completely ignoring him with everything that had been going on, finding it best to subtly and in no words at all, give him the freedom to find a girl with a little less baggage. Not that she had told him about any of that.

"Thank you," she whispered politely, her cheeks flushing, something he wouldn't notice underneath all of the blush and bronzer.

"Have you been avoiding me?"

He was teasing, but she couldn't help feeling terrible that her answer would be a yes if she wasn't going to lie. But she was.

"Me, ignore you?" She scoffed, waving him off with her hand. "I've just been so caught up in course work, it's nothing personal love."

She was laying it on thick, making sure he couldn't sniff her out. She was being partially truthful though, it was nothing personal. Harry was mostly to blame, coming back to complicate her life. She just deserved to be alone, wallowing in self pity instead of trying to live normally.

He could sense that she was pulling away, uncomfortable standing there having to face him. "I won't keep you, you look like you need a new cup and a refill," he smiled, not being able to mask his disappointment. "Call me sometime though, we'll get together."

Nodding Kate awkwardly embraces him, knowing she wasn't going to bother ringing him. He was such a good guy, if only she had been a good girl.

Shortly after that and a few more drinks, both Charlotte and Kate had, had enough. Their feet were aching, and one more cup full would have had them toppling from such great heights.

Managing to reach their dorm without breaking any limbs, both girls changed and crawled into their respective beds, the world spinning literally out of control.

"I saw you talking to Tom, I didn't want to bring him up but I was wondering why you haven't been seeing him."

Kate groaned, covering her face out of shyness. "He's such a good guy, i'm such a bitch."

"I dunno what you're talking about," Charlotte slurred, her words also coming out in a huff.

"If I tell you something…never mind you won't believe me."

"What?"

"No you won't believe me, you'll think i'm making it up," she insisted.

"You can't do that! That's teasing Katie tell me," she pressed, Kate able to see the pressuring glare in the dark.

"Fine," she huffed herself, turning onto her back. "I'm too emotionally unavailable for Tom. Those texts and that letter, they were from my ex."

Charlotte whistled, moving one finger around in the air in a sarcastic manner. "You dated someone, my god you're such a whore. How can you stand yourself?"

Rolling her eyes at her tone, Kate shook her head. "No bitch, this wasn't just any ex, this was my first love."

"Oh, okay that makes so much sense. Big fucking deal, what is the problem?!"

Slamming a throw pillow against her own face, Kate screamed into it. "It's Harry Styles okay! That guy from that band, y'know One Direction."

A loud and long bout of laughter filled the room then, Charlotte gasping as she progressively lost more air, rolling around in her bed wildly.

"See! Told you that you wouldn't believe me."

"You can't be serious, you're saying that you dated some child in a boy band?"

"Forget it, forget I said anything," she grumbled.

Silence came over them then, Charlotte's drunk brain quickly realizing she couldn't lie. Kate had never lied, well nothing as ridiculous as this. She never name dropped, or made out like she was some kind of star fucker or a celebrity stalker. She hadn't even wanted to go to the walk of fame or do anything remotely touristy since she had gotten there.

"You're serious aren't you?" She finally asked, cutting through the icy silence.

"What does it matter?"

She knew she was serious then, the tone of her voice so telling. "Oh Katie i'm sorry, it must be hard having to see him or hear him everywhere. I wish I had known, you should have told me sooner."

Kate appreciated her concern now, knowing the claim must have sounded stupid. "I just feel so worthless," she whispered, holding onto the tears for dear life.

"What happened, what did he do?"

That didn't matter right now, she thought. She wasn't ready to say it outloud to anybody just yet.

"Nothing, it just didn't work out." That was all she told her, turning onto her side to face away from her roommate, shutting her eyes tightly to fake like she had passed out until she actually did.

Her head felt like it was going to explode. Brain smashing against her skull in sheer anger, chastising her for pouring that disgusting liquid down her throat all night. The sun was so bright her eyelids felt like they were on fire, her limbs cold but her back and torso so hot it was inevitable to her half asleep brain that this was it, Kate was going to die in this bed.

The knock barely registered, only the groan from the girl on the other side of the room.

"Katie answer it," she whined, tossing a pillow in her direction.

Grumbling to herself, she dragged her tired, hungover body out of bed and towards the door. She swung it open, rubbing one eye with her knuckle. "What?" She questioned in a groggy tone, still not having seen the stranger behind the exit.

"Morning sunshine," he said, the sound of his voice sending a chill up her spine.

She peeked through her lashes, her mouth ajar in complete shock. He was dressed like any other student on campus, a pair of faded jeans, a white t-shirt and a black beenie that hid his brown curls. He had this dumb grin on his face, like he had been part of this joke, she was expecting someone to come out and say she had been punk'd.

He couldn't be standing there, Harry couldn't be at her door.

She swallowed hard, feeling the contents of her stomach rising. Clamping her hand over her mouth she shoved by him, running down the hall towards the shared bathrooms.

As if his texts and letters weren't bad enough, he had managed to get into her dorms, he had managed to find her in the maze that was UCLA. This was all so confusing, sickening, and as she emptied the contents of her stomach she didn't feel any better.

Morning indeed.