I Knew It From The First Time

"Two weeks." Cassadee smiles at me as we watch the boys load the last of their equipment into the trailer. "Are you nervous?"

I place my hand down onto my stomach, just now peeking noticeably over my jeans. "I've been nervous for the past four and a half months."

"I meant as to whether or not the baby is going to be a boy or a girl." Cassadee laughs, then pauses, thinking. "You and Alex have discussed this right?"

I bite my lip. I had turned it over in my mind often, more often than I should. Waking in the middle of the night, I wondered if the crib would have butterfly or dinosaur bedding. Eating dinner, I wondered if, in one year, there would be a baby with a bib reading 'Daddy's Girl' in front of me, or perhaps something more along the lines of 'Tough Guy'. And even in the car, I wondered whteher or not the car seat would be pink or blue.

"Yeah we've discussed it." I lie. "We don't really care, either way."

Cassadee nods. "Agreed, no disappointment there. But just so you know, I'm betting on a boy."

"I'm sure Alex is too, secretly." I add to my lies, making them either more realistic or more obvious, and quickly cut the conversation as Alex walks toward us.

"You have everything right?" He intwines his fingers with mine. "Toothbrush, pillow, extra shoes, whatever you gals bring along on vacation."

I kiss him lightly. "Check, check, check, and check."

"Let's get a move on then. I think Jack is itching for some adventure to begin." I peer around Alex to Jack who is trying to hang some of his bra collection in a window of the van. From here I can see his favorite, the one where the cups are made to look like Jack and Sally.

I sigh. "C'mon Cass."

"I'm not going." She says.

I turn quickly to face her. "What?"

"I'm not going." She repeats herself, but there isn't a sad tone in her voice. Just an observant one. "I have the solo demo to record. I have photoshoots and promos and new scheduling for tours, hopefully it isn't too late to jump on some big bandwagons."

My heart crushes into itself. Cassadee and I had developed a friendship, one that hadn't quite reached it's potential yet, and I was hoping that by the end of this tour, by the time I had the baby, I would be able to call her one my best friends.

She must see the worry behind my eyes because she adds, "Don't worry Jamie. I'll be seeing you. Do you honestly think Rian and I could be seperated for months at a time?"

I shake my head. "I'll miss you Cass."

"Oh, don't say that. You'll be seeing me around. I'll check in on you with calls. You'll be sick of me by the time you're back in Maryland." She hugs me tightly. "Now go on, before Jack completely redecorates your ride."

I glance back. She was right. I would have to put a stop to that one, even if it was just to the airport. I nod and hug her back. "Call, alright?"

She smiles. "Of course!"

And with that, I wave goodbye and follow Alex back into the van. He leans his head into mine as I watch Rian bid Cassadee farewell.

"This time tomorrow and we'll be in London." He whispers. Jack continues hanging his bras in the back. I roll my eyes at him and decide to let him have his fun.

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On the plane, while trying not to be sick, I glance over at the packets Alex and Jack are studying. They consist of the the tour dates, the transportation information, the hotels, times, merch, everything. I wonder how they pried them out of Matt's hands. Merch was easy. Merch was Vinny. But everything else...

"Where'd you get those?" I ask them.

Jack looks up at me. "Holy shit, I thought you were dead. That's the quietest I've ever seen you."

"Ha. Ha." I reply sarcastically. "The plane apparently makes me feel nauseous. I'd watch it if I were you Jack-O."

He sticks his tongue out at me. Alex leans forward, blocking his obscene gestures from my view. "What was your question, lovely?"

"Where did you get this?" I pick up the folder from the pull out tray. "Don't bother explaining the merch stock stuff. After all it is -"

"Vinny." Alex smiles. "Yeah, he could give less of a shit."

"Matt has been sleeping since we boarded. I take it he doesn't get much sleep what with his new engagement." Jack winks.

"We took them out of his carry-on." Alex grins smuggly and Jack high-fives him.

I look over at Matt. His mouth is slightly ajar and his iPod is wedged into his ears. It was funny thinking about the fact that the boys went into Matt's Mickey Mouse carry-on and pulled out the folder. Actually, the Mickey Mouse carry-on was just funny.

"Put it back before he wakes up, alright?" They nod. After a few moments, I grab some of the papers, joining in on the scandal. Alex and Jack exchange a look of satisfaction and continue to discuss something or other about the tour.

The paper I pull out is the list of venues and places, dates and times we'll be traveling over the course of the next few months. London, Tokyo, Toronto, Rio, Dublin, Mexico City, Paris, Brazil, Sydney. To name a few. Most of the tour occurred hear in the UK. After that, it was easy sailing.

"Alex?"

"Hmm?" He says, immersed in Matt's setlist for the upcoming shows. "Oh hell no, how did he not include Remembering Sunday on this one?"

"Since most of the tour is in the UK, are we still flying?"

Alex adds Remembering Sunday to the bottom of the list along with: What the fuck are you thinking? We have to do this one! Cass will be there to do Juliet's part. Love you, Matt.(:

Zack must hear my question from behind us because he's the one to answer me. "We'll probably take a bus up the coast, maybe fly once. After that, the tour will be pretty spaced out and we'll just keep hitting flights."

I let myself sink into the airplane seat. "Great."

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"Alright boys! It's 11 PM now. I suggest you get some shut eye and explore a bit on the morning. We're expected at the venue no later than 6 PM tomorrow. Understood?" Matt yells in the hallway, extremely business like and organized, just the way he liked it. "I organized rooms, not that any of you will actually abide by the list."

"You know us too well." Jack grins.

"Are there gyms in England?" Everyone turns to Zack. He shrugs.

"We need an intervention in here!" Jack begins to yell up and down the halls. "We have a workout addict! Intervention, anyone?! ANYONE A THERAPIST ON THIS FLOOR?"

"Let's get this over with." Rian shakes his head. "I could sleep for days at this point."

Matt reads the names off. "Room 304: Alex, Jamie, Jack, and Zack. Room 305: Rian, myself, and Vinny. Room 306: Danny, Grieco, Collusy -"

Matt continues on for a good two minutes before he is through with everyone. He gives us an eager smile and claps his hands together, pleased with himself.

"Yeah, I'm sleeping with you, Ri, and Vinny." Zack replies.

"I'm moving to Jeff's room. Fuck it." Vinny picks his bags off the floor and makes his way down the hall.

"Why?" Matt calls in disappointment.

"Have you seen your mouse collection dude?" Vinny laughs and turns around, making it clear that he doesn't need to further the conversation at hand.

"Zack, what's wrong with your room?" Matt asks patiently.

"Why are we the only one with 4 people?" He demands.

"Jamie and Alex are sharing a bed..."

"Exactly." Zack nods and takes the room key from Matt's back pocket, sliding it into the door and entering.

Alex and I exchange a look and try to keep from laughing. Matt stares down Jack, awaiting his response to his room.

"Where's my key Fly?" He reaches his hand out. "Do I get to be in charge of a key this time?"

Matt rolls his eyes, handing the key to Alex. "Maybe next time Jackalope. Last time I left you in charge you managed to lock Alex, Rian, Zack, and yourself out. Remember? You made Zack scale the outside balcony? He was not a happy camper. Try and get some sleep, guys."

Jack pouts his bottom lip. Alex slings his arms over our shoulders and leads us into the room. We collapse onto the bed and in a matter of minutes, both the boys are snoring while I lay awake staring up at the celings in a London hotel room.

My first time in the UK and I'm only here because of an accidental pregnancy by my best friend. Only here because months and months ago I agreed to spend my summer in LA with Alex. Because months and months ago, I did something stupid and confessed my feelings, and then dove into that pool of stupidity and had sex. I crawl out of bed as quietly as possible and make my way to the bathroom.

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"You okay?" Alex murmurs when I manage to slide back beneath the sheets.

His voice startles me. "Yeah, I'm... I'm fine."

"Morning sickness?"

"Yes." I reply quietly, stealing a look at Jack who is still sound asleep. "Alex, today Cassadee asked me if I wanted a boy or a girl. If we had... talked about it."

"What are you getting at, Jamie?" He scoots closer to me in the bed and props himself up on one arm, aware now that sleep is out of the question.

"We never talked about it. About any of it."

Alex sighs and kisses my forehead. "I would like a boy. Very much so, in fact."

"Have you thought about it? A lot?" I go on, still looking toward the ceiling, but I can feel Alex's eyes on me.

"Of course. More like all the time." There's a tinge of a smile in his voice. "And sometimes I even convince myself that a girl would be okay. Just sometimes."

"I'd like a boy." I reply. "I'd like that a lot."

"What else have you been thinking of?" Alex pushes the hair from my eyes. For a moment, I remember what it was like before I had told him I loved him. Back when this gesture would send me off on a whim of emotion.

"That it would be nice if we could name the baby after Jack."

Alex smiles. "I think about that a lot too. We have lots of time for names though. It'll be easier when we know in a couple weeks."

"Alex?"

"Jamie."

I kiss his cheek. "I'm glad it was you. "

He grins. "Me too, love. Me too."