I Knew It From The First Time

DO YOU KISS YOUR BEST FRIEND? ALEX GASKARTH DOES.

IS THAT A PREGNANCY UNDER YOUR SHIRT OR ARE YOU JUST EXCITED TO SEE ME?

FANS OUTRAGED BY NEW ALL TIME LOW SECRETS.

ALEX IS PAINTING FLOWERS AGAIN, BUT IT'S NOT FOR JACK.

DAMNED IF THEY TELL THE FANS. EVEN MORE DAMNED IF THEY DON'T. IS JAMIE LANE PREGNANT?

"I'm going to throw up, Jack. I'm really going to vomit." I say, holding my mouth and rushing to the bathroom in the back of the bus.

"Use the Lysol when you're done please!" Matt calls from up front. I could care less.

"You okay?" Zack hands me a bag of ice as I sit back down with him and Jack at the table.

I nod, sucking on a chunk of ice I pull from the bag. "Physically, yes."

"How's it going back there Alex?" Matt yells. I can just hear Alex mumbling something over the phone, but he doesn't bother responding to Matt. He's hardly spoken to anyone the entire three hours we've been driving.

"Who is he talking to now?" I whisper.

"I think it's AP Press. Can't be sure though." Zack shrugs.

I bite my lip. Alex had been trying to get an interview all morning, with someone, anyone, immediately. There was no room in the major magazines, none in the sources we had always considered reliable in the past. If AP wouldn't work with us, we were going to have sink lower, into the land of mediocre website articles, as if there weren't enough already. I keep scrolling on the Google tab open, 'Alex Gaskarth and Jamie Lane'.

"Close that Jamie." Rian startles me, coming from behind and shutting the laptop. "It's not doing you or Alex any good right now."

"When will Cassadee be along?" I ignore him and open the screen up again.

Rian sighs, exasperated by my nagging all morning. "This is a bit of an inconvenient circumstance for her to make an appearance. She feels that it'll all just add up to drama and more of these articles and internet fights. Can you shut that? Please?"

"Alright, alright." I agree, closing the window just as my eyes fall on another headline: BREAK OUT! BREAK OUT! (THE DIAPERS). Tears well up in my eyes.

"Yes! Thank you!" Alex screams from the back. "Any time! Right now even. We can do an interview over the phone, right now."

"Looks like AP is cutting some favors." Matt remarks. "He got lucky with that one."

"And you can post this tonight on the website? I can put it up on my Twitter -" He pauses. "Alright... No, no, go ahead shoot! Start up the questions please."

I wander to the back room. Alex is pacing the floor. He looks up at me, but turns back instantaneously to the interviewer on the phone. After a few moments he motions for me to sit on the couch. I do, watching him as he wipes sweat from his brow. He puts the phone on speaker so I can hear, but mouths for me to be quiet.

The interviewer, a woman, begins. "Okay Alex, you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be." His voice shakes and he clears his throat.

"Here we go then." There's a pause and she continues on. "Alex, you've heard the rumors recently, surely. They're all over the internet, Twitter, Tumblr, everywhere. About you and this Jamie Lane girl."

"I've heard, unfortunately."

"First thing's first: Who is Jamie Lane?" My name sounds strange in her mouth, so neutralized, yet there is still a bit of bitterness behind the question. I was the girl who started this all.

Alex hesitates before he answers. "Most of the fan base knows her. She's been best friends with the guys and I for several years. Since middle school. We've brought her along on past tours, occasional photo ops, signings. She tags along and we all love her."

I smile, but the next question kills it. "Are you in a relationship with her? A relationship that isn't a typical 'best friend' relationship?"

"Oh no, she's one of my best friends. Don't get that wrong." Alex defends me. "But yes, we are boyfriend and girlfriend, romantically invested that is."

"So those rumors are true then?"

I bite my lip as Alex replies. "Yes, the rumors that Jamie and I are together as a couple are true."

"Are you happy?"

He smiles slightly. "Yes. And I hope the fans are happy for me too."

"You sound like you're in love."

Alex looks at me through the corner of his eye. "Jamie makes me happy. I wouldn't hesitate to say that I'm in love with her, or to say that I see the possibility of a bright future ahead. Yeah, I love her. And as I said earlier, I only hope that the fans see that and know that I love them too, that I am happy, and that there is no reason to be upset."

"Here at AP we're overjoyed for the two of you." A sickly sweetness is backing her voice, a fake one.

"Thank you. That means a lot."

"Which bring us to our next question." My stomach drops. "Second rumor, do you know what it is?"

Alex half laughs. "I believe I'm aware."

"Can you clarify this rumor for us here at AP and for the fans? Is there any truth behind it?"

Alex doesn't answer for an entire minute. He stares at his phone, a slit of light casted over his face. "Jamie is pregnant. I'm the father. It's true."

"How are you taking that?"

Alex sighs heavily. "We're handling it together as a couple. We have a lot of support and love from our friends here and we're grateful for that. This experience has really, really made me take on a new appreciation for this family. We're handling it..."

He looks toward me for an answer.

"Well. We're handling it well." I whisper.

"We're handling it well." Alex finishes confidently.

"Wow, well, wow." The interviewer doesn't sound 'wow-ed' at all. "What's in the future for you? For Jamie? The baby? The band, most of all?"

"The band is going to be fine. This isn't going to stop us from doing what we love and it isn't going to break us up by any means. We're working hard with our crew to figure out a plan. No worries in that department. As far as Jamie, the baby, and I go, we're happy. People are just going to have to learn to be observant and make their own conclusions. They will anyway.It won't matter what I say. But we're all happy and we look forward to seeing this baby in early February.

"So do we. Thanks for your time, Mr. Gaskarth!"

"Anytime, anytime" Alex replies, signaling the end of the interview. There's a moment of silence before he goes on. "Thank you for the interview really. Please, please contact me when you have it posted."

"We'll be sure to do just that. See ya, Alex." Click.

Alex and I stare at each other, unable to move. In the front of the bus, I can hear a pen drop. The boys eavesdropping on us. I pull my sweater tighter around me and look out the window at the snow dropping rapidly around our lives.

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*One week later*

"Happy birthday Alex!" Jack throws open the curtain of our bunk and peeks his head in.

"And I still don't get to sleep in." He groans.

I throw the blanket over my head. "What time is it Jack?"

"Seven."

"Got to bed, Jack. One more hour, alright?" Alex yawns. "One more."

"We need cake."

"Tonight. We can have cake tonight after the concert." There's a minute of silence and I think Jack has given up, until I hear the pots being banged together just outside. Alex sits up. "I'm up! Put those away! Give me one minute, alright?"

"Sixty. Fifty-nine. Fifty-eight." Jack begins to count back.

I smile and kiss Alex. "Happy birthday."

"Thank you." He whispers back. "Too bad it's miserable outside."

I shrug. "A little cold never hurt anyone."

"I've never had a pool party. It hurt my childhood." Alex laughs. I kiss him again. "I better go see Jack. He's set on the ice-cream cake Matt hid in the freezer."

"Don't get caught." I murmur, laying back down on the pillow, listening to their voices as they talk eagerly in the kitchen.

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"Thank you all so much for the beautiful posters and gifts! Being on tour on your birthday sucks, but ya'll make it worth it." Alex yells as he waves goodbye to his fans after the concert. I sit in the bus, pressing my ear to the blinds to catch snippets of his voice. I wasn't allowed in the public tonight by Matt's rule. "And thanks for coming out! I love you!"

The crowd is still screaming after him when he sits next to me in the booth. I take his hand. "How'd it go?"

"No troubles. I got questions though." He looks up at me. "I told them they'd know soon enough. And apparently they will. AP Press called while I was on stage."

"No, no, no." Vinny swipes Alex's phone from his hand. "None of that tonight. Cake and presents. Then feel free to mope about the websites you're about to crash."

Evan places a half-assed cake in front of Alex and I on the table. "Sorry. It's Walmart. Matt bought a cake earlier from an actual shop, but apparently cakes disappear around here. We've got a wizard on the tour. Right Jack?"

Jack holds his hands up in surrender. "I never got my Hogwarts letter. I blame Zack."

Zack snorts. "Yeah, because I was awake this morning at the crack of dawn when the cake 'disappeared'."

Alex and Jack shrug as Matt begins to sing and everyone joins in. I watch the expression on Alex's face as the voices carry over around him. He stares into the candle, his dimples showing. The flame flickers in his eyes and you can see that he still believes in that wish. He shuts his eyes and exhales slowly, killing the fire. That one wish.

*********************************************************************************************

"Damn Evan. That cake was Walmart." Jack says as he finishes his second slice. "I must have been hungry."

"You eat everything. It could have been a trash flavored cake. You still would have tried it." Zack replies nonchalauntley.

"Eh. I'll give you that."

"Can I have my phone back?" Alex extends his arm toward Vinny. "The interview has been up for a good four hours now."

"I already retweeted it for you." He smiles innocently. "No worries."

"Vinny." Alex adds sternly. "Give me. My phone. I need to see the feedback."

Vinny rolls his eyes and reaches into his back pocket, tossing Alex the slab of plastic. "Fine. Be a buzz kill on your own birthday dude."

Alex takes a drink of his beer and begins reading responses out loud. "Here's a nice one - 'Congrats Alex and Jamie! Don't listen to all the hate. 80% of this fandom is still in love with the both of you and this baby!'."

"This one too." I point. " 'Hey Alex, where can we send gifts for the baby? So excited for the two of you!' "

Alex smiles. "I'll post something about it later."

"There's still shit on here though." Matt shakes his head, looking over Alex's shoulder at the replies. "Like -"

"We don't need to read those." Alex looks up at him. "I know."

Despite waht Alex said, my eyes dart toward the comment Matt had chosen. 'How could you do this to us? This is insanely disrespectful to the fans you 'love'.' And another beneath that. 'So much lost respect today. They lied, they kept secrets, and this! Kept THIS a secret. Not cool.' More and more follow. I stop looking at the phone.

"What do I tweet?" Alex looks at me to tell him. "What do I say?"

I snatch his phone and type for him: 'It's a boy! Thanks for the love. Couldn't ask for better fans.' and hit TWEET.

"That's all?" He asks, reading it. "How about - 'If you want to send a gift, please send to the label address.' "

"Add it." I nod, the hurtful comments still floating around in my head. "We need all the help we can get."

Alex types it quickly and puts his phone away, looking at me. "You look sick again. Was it that cake?"

"No, I'm okay." I lie. "I'm tired is all. Yeah, that's it."

Alex sees through me and wraps his arms around my shoulder, leaning me into the crook of his neck. He kisses the top of my head and moves his arm to warm me.

"It's going to be alright." He says low enough so that only I hear. "It doesn't seem like it right now, I know. But one day Jamie, one day."

'How could you do this to us?' The words wrap themselves like barbed wire around my thoughts and I found it hard to believe that 'one day' would be upon us anytime in the near future.