I Knew It From The First Time

"You were an amazing close to this tour, Sydney!" Alex yells, throwing the last of his picks into the crowd below. "Stay beautiful!"

"Stay fuckable, fuckers!" Jack adds, pocketing one of his picks and throwing the rest out to desperate girls in the audience. I shake my head watching as a couple of them go down to the ground, fighting over that tiny piece of plastic.

The boys walk backstage and Alex almost immediately loops his arm around my waist. "Matt let you out tonight, huh?"

I shrug. "Last tour date. Besides, when Jade is here he loosens up a little."

Alex kisses the top of my head. "How'd we do?"

"Best show I've seen to date." I smile. "Are you going to see the kids tonight?"

"No, we've got a plane to catch, remember?" He lets his arm fall from my waist and begins loading up his guitar. "To be honest, I'm shocked Cass has held in this long."

"Is Rian nervous?" I glance over toward him. He is standing by the food and beverage table, chewing on the wrapper of a candy bar as if he doesn't notice that he's already eaten the entire bar. "Never mind."

"He messed up the set twice tonight. Rian doesn't mess up." Alex laughs and walks over toward him, taking the wrapper from his hands and throwing into a nearby trash can. "C'mon bud. We gotta baby to see."

I place my hand on my stomach. In 24 hours, I would be back on Maryland grounds. In 24 hours, I would be exactly 8 months pregnant. Exactly 30 days away from having this baby, who had yet to be named. I add that to my agenda list for Alex.

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"I'm wiped." Jack rubs his eyes as we enter the brightness of the Baltimore airport, a much different setting than the one we had left behind, the dark skies of Australia underneath a full moon. "Man, I'm going to sleep for an entire month. This jet lag is killer."

"You aren't the one who has to fly back to LA tomorrow morning." Zack adds bitterly.

"We have bigger problems." Rian looks down at his phone, interrupting Matt who turns in a whiplash toward him away from trying to flag down a taxi. "Cassadee left me nine voice mails. Nine."

He puts the first on speaker:

"Hey Ri. It's Cass. Obviously. It's about 2 AM here. I'm having pretty bad contractions, about five minutes away. Probably going to head to the hospital if things keep going this way. Call me please. Love you."

And the next:

"Cass again. God, Rian. This is a long flight." She laughs nervously. "Well I'm on my way into the hospital. 2:33 here."

We go through each message until we hit the last one, which takes on a much more stern tone than the first:

"Robert Rian Dawson! Answer the phone right now! If this is some stupid joke where Alex and Jack took your phone, it IS NOT FUNNY. Get your ass to the hospital! I'm turning my phone off and you better pray to the sweet Lord above that this baby hangs in there!"

We stand there for a good five minutes, all of us in shock, staring down at Rian's phone.

"Why does she always assume it's me and Alex?" Jack mutters.

Matt ignores him, clearing his throat and waving his arm into traffic. "Taxi! Come on, we need a fucking taxi here! This guy is going to be a father! Jesus!"

A yellow van pulls into the loading zone as Rian hurriedly throws his things into the back. He glances at Alex and I standing on the curb, still in shock. We catch his look and hop into the van, taking our place beside Jack with Zack, Matt, and Jade taking the seat in front.

"Holy shit, Ri." Alex finally says as we pull into the hospital parking lot. "This is it."

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After running through the hallways of the hospital, we finally find it room 243, Cassadee's room. There is silence behind it, either a good sign that the baby isn't here or a bad sign that there was a complication. Rian pushes the door so hard I feel as if it might swing off the hinges. We pile in like rats in a gutter.

Cassadee has her hair tied high on her head and her face is lined with beads of sweat. She keeps her eyes shut, but by the disgruntled look on her face, you can tell that she couldn't sleep if she tried.

"Hey Cass. Hey baby." Rian leans over her, kissing her sweetly on each cheek. "I'm here. Right here."

"About time." He breathing is hard. "It's been almost twelve hours."

Rian leans down to her stomach, full blown, even larger than it had been at Christmas. He rests his cheek onto it. "Thanks for waiting."

"How far -"

"Nearly there. They said I've got one more centimeter before it's time. Just one more." Cassadee interrupts me, already understanding.

"When was that?" I ask, remembering the little baby terminology I had read up on during tour.

"About half an hour ago. I'm thinking -"

"Well, well, well, Ms. Pope, quite the party now, isn't it?" I jump at the familiar sound of her voice. "I'm only sorry that we're going to have to wrap it up in the next couple of minutes so we can bring this baby into the world."

Alex looks between me and the doctor and then up at Cassadee, who has a slight smile on her face. "Dr. Shane?"

She turns around to face the rest of us, zoning in on Alex and I. She cracks a grin. "Pleasant surprise! Mr. and Mrs. Gaskarth right?"

"Well-" I begin to remind her of our marital status, the nonexistent one.

"Yeah. Yes." Alex nods.

She looks me over once before starting in. "One month, correct?"

"One month." I confirm. Alex grips my hand more firmly as I say it.

"Loving this little reunion," Cassadee pauses mid-sentence, distorting her face in pain, "but this kid is killing me."

We laugh hesitantly and hug Cassadee and Rian, forming a line and saying the proper things before we head nervously into the hallway. Alex doesn't let go of my hand and I feel as if the realness of this all is just now kicking in for everyone. Eight months didn't mean shit anymore. Cassadee and Rian were going to be parents and everything was about to change.

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We sit slumped in the hall, listening to the tick of the clock above our heads, counting the seconds. I strain my ears for the small cry I'm expecting at any moment from Cassadee's room. Alex and Jack whisper back and forth between each other, nothing I can hear, but I was assuming it was their time now and if I was meant to be included, I would be.

"Damn it, what is taking so long?" Zack paces the hallway, on his fifth cup of coffee. "Jamie, how long should this take?"

"I don't know." I shrug.

"Is something wrong? They would tell us right? We would know by now?"

I look down at the tiles. "I don't know, Zack."

"Maybe it's taking so long because they're teaching them about the baby, changing the diaper, all that stuff. It takes time, right?"

I stare harder until my vision blurs, realizing I didn't really know anything. "I honestly don't know. I don't know."

"Have you looked into this at all?" It's not a stern tone, but more of a curious tone that comes out of Zack's mouth as he stops pacing. Everyone is staring at me. I should know this by now. I should have this memorized.

"Some of it." I lie. "I have a month alright? I'll know it better than the back of my hand by then."

Alex sighs and I can't tell if it's because he's nervous for us or for Rian and Cassadee. Or perhaps angry. Probably a mixture of the three. He turns back to Jack and continues his conversation in hushed whispers. I pull my head back against the wall, cursing myself.

When Dr. Shane turns the door handle we all stand quickly as if a string has pulled us straight up. She suppresses her laughter. No noise comes out of the room and my heart patters excitedly in my chest. I squeeze Alex's hand until he lets out a small 'ouch' and I ease up.

"I'm not supposed to allow more than three people in the room with the mother and father, but I can't bare to break up the love I feel among you guys." She smiles slightly. "Go on in. Go see her."

"Her. It's a her." Alex says under his breath. "They had a girl."

I smile for Cassadee recalling our conversation on Christmas. She wanted the bows and the pink and the bibs that read 'Daddy's Girl'. My heart quickens.

Cassadee is holding the baby when we walk in with Rian bent over her, softly stroking the baby's face with his thumb. Cassadee looks up at us, finally acknowledging we are in the room and hands the baby to Rian.

"She's beautiful." Zack whispers as we surround Rian in a circle, staring at the tiny human being wrapped in the blanket.

"She has more hair than you, Ri." Jack and Alex laugh.

And in a sense, they were right. The baby was asleep, her eyes shut, but she most certainly had Cassadee's eye, nose, and face shape. Her straight black hair, porcelain skin, and pale pink lips came from Rian. A perfect mixture of the two. And she was beautiful, there was no denying that she was anything less.

"She better be a drummer. Cass got her girl, I get my drummer." He smiles proudly.

"Yeah, right." Cassadee scoffs from her bed. "We're rooting for a singer back here, right Alex?"

"What? Oh yeah. Yeah, a singer!" Alex says, clumsily pulling me into him closer.

"Bass is in for the run here too." Zack reminds them. "She has an uncle who plays a mean one."

"Guitarist. Come on, she has to play the electric. A bright pink one with a sign on the back -"

"No!" Rian and Cassadee both object at the same time. "No signs, Jack!"

Matt laughs and adds in his own bit. "Managers take brains. She needs to be a manager."

For a few more minutes, everyone goes back and forth arguing about what she would be, what her future was like, who would teach her what and who she would like the best. The only ones who don't talk are Alex and me, staring down at the small bundle in Rian's arms.

The baby squirms slightly in Rian's arms, causing a flood of quiet to overcome the room once again.

"Maybe we should just let her choose in time." Rian looks up at us, then kisses the top of the baby's head. "Dream on, dreamer."

"Can I hold her, Ri?" Zack pleads. "Just a minute."

Rian hands the baby over. She looks so small in comparison to Zack's huge arms. One bicep was cradle enough for the baby.

"Does she have a name yet?" Matt asks when it's his turn to hold her.

"Delilah Koren Dawson." Rian whispers.

"Hi, Delilah. Hello." Matt coos, beaming down at her. He looks up at Alex, the only who had not yet had a chance to hold her. "Do you want her, Alex?"

Alex runs his hands through his hair. "I've never... I mean... I wouldn't want to -"

"You'll be fine, man." Rian assures him, leading him toward a recliner in the room. "Sit right here."

Alex does as he's told as Rian carries Delilah over to him in the chair. He positions his arms correctly and tells him how to cradle her. Then he scolds him for his shaky fingers and gently puts Delilah into his arms. Alex stares deeply at her as everyone else carries on conversation, some tour stories with Cassadee, some hospital stories, everything in between. I think I'm the only one who hears Alex say it, but underneath his breath, he whispers to Delilah.

"You are so loved. You have no idea yet, but you are." He smiles slightly, his dimples emerging, unaware that I'm watching him. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm scared shit less. Oh God. I mean, I'm terrified. There, that's better. I'm terrified. But if my baby has half the love you do already, we'll be okay, won't we, Delilah?"

I kiss the top of Alex's head and he hardly flinches. He places his pinky in the center of Delilah's palm and she grabs hold tightly.