I Knew It From The First Time

"Bye, bye, byeeee." Alex waves out Rian and Cassadee. He is slumped against the counter, with that look he gets when he's had too much to drink. He was fine until Zack had broken out the jaeger and coke. That's when the boys lost it.

"Sorry about this." Cassadee apologizes, holding Rian by the collar of his shirt. "I would help clean up, but I have to get him and Zack home."

I wonder if she realizes that Zack has been stumbling about the yard, trying to figure out how to open the door for a good five minutes. Cassadee whispers something into Rian's ear and he playfully tugs on her hair. She waves goodbye and drags him out across the yard.

I stare at my next project, Jack. His face is slammed into the table and his mouth is slightly ajar. I shake his shoulders. "Jack, get up!"

"I ain't movin'!" He argues, not even opening his eyes. "It's comfortable here."

"I find that hard to believe considering you're sitting at a hardwood table." I try to pull him up by his shirt, but he's far more heavy than I am, and he doesn't even flinch. "Jack, please."

"Jamie, I'm sleeping. You're being extremely disruptive to my sleeping pattern." He slurs.

I rack my brain for ideas to get Jack up and on his feet. I couldn't leave him out here all through the night before Matt came. When Matt got here, it would be crunch time and the boys would need all the help they could get. That was it. Matt.

"Jack, did you know that Matt is going to be here tomorrow?" I lean into his ear. "He told me that if he even guesses you've been drinking the night before work he'll make you organize his entire Mickey collection when we get home. If he even sees one bag beneath your eyes."

Jack bolts upright now. "My bed is sounding more and more appealing by the second."

I laugh, helping him regain his balance. "Let me walk you to your room."

We pass by Alex who is slumped over, mumbling and gurgling like a toddler. I'd come back for him. Jack was enough work at the moment. He cracks a grin at me as we enter his bedroom and I gently let him flop onto the sheets.

"Are you going to put Alex to bed too?" He tries to wink, but he's so disoriented, it comes out as more of a wince than anything.

"Goodnight Jackalope." I mutter, turning off his light.

"Keep it down kids!" He manages to yell before I shut his door tightly.

Alex is huddled over the floor, studying the patterns in the wood. His fingers delicately trace over the dark circles.He looks more pale than usual and I know it's only a matter of time before he can't keep in his alcohol anymore.

"Alex," I stoop down to his level, "Matt's going to be here in the morning. We need to get you to bed."

He shakes his head. "I'm fine. Fine."

"Let's go, Mr. Gaskarth." I run my fingers over his hair, messing it up. "Bed."

"I... I'm not sure I can stand... I..." His eyes go wide.

"Alex! I swear if you -" I don't get to finish that thought. Alex rushes over to the sink, spilling the contents of his stomach inside of it. "throw up...."

He turns on the tap water, running his mouth beneath it. "Sorry, sorry."

If it had been anyone else, it would not have been okay. I would not have stuck around for this. But for Alex, I would. I sigh. "It's alright. Pour some dish soap in there, would you?"

Alex messily grabs the bottle on the counter and dumps half its contents into the sink, creating a bubbling mess. I slap my hand to my forehead. I would fix that one when I got him to go to sleep.

He looks up at me, worry in his eyes. "Oops."

I shake my head, letting one of my hands fall to the small of his back, leading him toward his bedroom. "Let's just go to sleep now."

He doesn't argue as I carefully position him on the bed. He begins taking his shirt off, his shoes, and then his hands reach for the button on his jeans. My own hand shoots toward his, pushing it away.

"Hold on." I half-laugh. "I'm still here, remember?"

Alex nods, looking confused, and puts his hand back down to the brim of his jeans. "I know."

"Alex." I bite my lip.

"Jamie." He leans closer to me, and I can smell the mix of jaeger and coke on him. He parts his lips slightly.

"What are you doing?" My heart stops. Not like this. Not like this.

Alex aims to kiss me, but misses and lands on my cheek. "Goodnight."

I blush. "Don't do that."

"Why not?" He takes my hand in his and our eyes lock for a second.

"I'm not a drunk girl you brought home from a club, Alex. I'm Jamie. I've been your best friend since we were eleven years old. Don't treat me like I'm a one night stand." The anger inside me bubbles over. Never in my life had Alex acted like this toward me. Like I was some easy band slut he met after a late night.

"I don't like those girls. I like you. I like you." He pleads. "Stay."

As much as I wished I could, I shook my head vigorously. "No. I can't. We both know that."

"Jamie, but you-"

"I what, Alex?" I whip around.

He pauses, considering his next move. "You like me too, right?"

I hesitate, bite my lip. He won't remember this tomorrow. "I love you."

He stops and his eyes glaze over for just a moment before he whispers back. "I love you too."

"And if you respected that, you would tell me sober. Not like this." I shake my head, tears welling up. I quickly make my exit before he has time to say more. "Goodnight."

........................................................................................................................................................

I wake up with the immediate worry of last night's events. Alex's memory when he was drunk was give or take. It could be remarkable. It could be absent completely. I was hoping for the latter.

My door is jammed, something pushed in front of it, not letting me out. I groan. I really had to pee. I bang on the door, wiggling the knob furiously. Finally someone budges whatever was blocking my way. The door flies open. Alex. Oh God. He remembered.

I look down at my feet when he talks. "You know what this is about, don't you?"

"I have a feeling." I mutter, still not meeting his eyes.

"Can I come in? It just feels a little more... private."

I open the door and gesture for him to sit on the unkept bed. "Say your piece first."

"I'm sorry." He begins. "You didn't deserve that last night, and if it helps, I'm being punished today for it. But Jamie, I want you to know that -"

The flame inside me reignites. Was he really not going to talk about what he had told me? He wasn't going to apologize any further for trying to make me another tally mark on his bedpost? "Do you even recall half of what you told me?"

Alex holds up a finger. "I want you to know that... look this is hard for me..."

It's his turn now to peer down to the floor. I push him onward. "Go ahead. Say it."

His eyes meet me, the deep dark brown. "Not everything I said last night was drunken words."

I finally take interest. "What exactly are you getting at, Alex?"

He looks around the room, taking in deep breaths and running his hands through his hair. "I'm... If my memory is correct... I'm pretty sure I... I.... told you that I...."

"You said you loved me." I finish for him. "Yes, you said that."

He puts his head in hands and groans, blushing furiously. "I did, didn't I? I was hoping it was a dream."

I swallow back hot tears. "No, it was all real."

"And you said that you loved me too. You did right?"

I bite down on my lip. "Yes."

He hesitates. "Did you mean it? Did you mean it like I think you did, that is?"

I look toward the floor then back up at him. "Yeah, I meant it."

Alex stands and walks over to me, inches apart now. "I meant it too, Jamie."

I swallow. "Alex, look, if you're just saying this because you think it makes what happened okay or because you don't want me to get hurt, don't. Say it because it's real. Not because it should be."

His hand comes up to my face, pushing loose strands of hair back. "It's real. It scares the hell out of me, but it's real."

I stare back hard into his face, needing the truth. "Alex, I'm terrified, okay? Tell me now. If this isn't true, we can all pretend like it never happened."

"Jamie," He smiles genuinely down at me, "I love you."

My breath gets caught in my throat, but there isn't much need for it anymore. Alex leans ever closer and presses his lips to mine. Electricity pumps through my veins, circulating between the two of us. We pull apart, letting our breath mingle together.

"I love you." I finally whisper, leaning back in to kiss him again.

........................................................................................................................................................

"I told you! I called it! Didn't I call it?" Jack looks around wildly, as if there are more people in the room than just Alex, myself, Rian, Cassadee, Zack, Matt, and his girlfriend Jade. "You all owe me a beer!"

Alex hits Jack gently. "We didn't tell you so that you could all lay out bets."

"And it doesn't count if we all already knew it, Jackass." Zack retorts.

Alex traces cursive into my hand with his fingers beneath the table. We had been so close to going farther than just a kiss. So close. But the fact that Jack was just next door had killed any ideas quickly.

Alex turns toward Matt. "I think a day off is earned, a celebration."

Matt gives him a look. "I'm happy for the both of you. So I'll be lenient here. You can have a night off. But as far as I'm concerned, you've written like two songs for the album and we only have a month here. You all need to sit down and throw out ideas until Alex has at least half a record written."

"Wait, wait, wait, that's a joke right?" Alex replies. "That's six songs, at the least Matt. That's going to take three days, two if we get lucky."

"I think you already did get lucky." Jack murmurs.

Alex kicks him beneath the table. "I'll address that later, but Matt, come on man. We both know that's impossible."

"It isn't my fault that you could have written on the plane or last night or the night before, but you chose not to. I think I'm being pretty generous by giving you tonight off."

The boys groan, knowing that Matt will never let them out of this one. They give in, agreeing to get right to work. Matt promises to have them off by seven, but in Matt Flyzik time, this was more like eight-thirty. I didn't get my hopes up.

........................................................................................................................................................

Alex kisses the top of my head, and whispers into my ear. "Still got tonight. I'll get rid of Jack."

I laugh. "Is that a promise?"

"Oh yeah." He adds quickly. He glances back at Matt, glaring at him from the studio door, and kisses me once more quickly. "Ten? Sound good to you? I have to make a nice dinner, something along those lines, for you first. I want things to be, well, nice. Maybe eleven would be better?"

I smile. "Just get rid of Jack, and we'll figure things out from there."

Alex winks at me. For some strange reason, a rush of anxiety hits me. The good kind. This was really happening. This was not a dream.