Sex and White Lies

“Come on Jillian, you can’t go.” My brunette friend told me as I stuffed my backpack into the back of my sister’s car. I sighed and closed the trunk. I looked at my friend and frowned.

“Why can’t I?” I asked.

“Because it’s Boston!” he exclaimed. “You don’t know any one there.”

“I’ll get to know people there.” I said.

“What’s wrong with what you’ve got here?”

I folded my arms across my chest. “There is nothing here for me, Jack. I’ve lived in Baltimore my whole life. It’s time for a change.” I said. Jack frowned at me. I could tell that he really didn’t want me to go. “Look, it’s only a seven-and-a-half hour drive. And you can call me.”

“But that’s not the same.” Jack said.

I sighed again, “Give me one good reason to stay, and I will.”

“You’re my best friend.” Jack told me. I placed my hands on my hips.

“You have other friends.”

“Yeah, but I don’t like any of them.” Jack said, trying to get me to laugh. We stood in silence for a moment until my sister came out of her house telling me we had to get going soon.

“I’m still waiting Jack.” I said.

“Okay, I…I…” Jack stuttered, “I don’t think you should leave because I…”

“Because you what?” I asked. Jack was silent. I felt my eyes start to well up. “Goodbye Jack.” I said, walking across the street to my sister’s car. I got in and closed the door, buckling myself up.

“Is everything alright?” Kris asked me.

“Yeah. Yeah, everything is fine. Just go.” I said, resting my elbow on the arm rest of the car.” Kris hesitated a moment but started the car and drove off down the road.

That was the last time I saw or spoke to Jack. Four years I was in Boston, and I never spoke to him. That was brutal for me. Now, you might be wondering why I went to Boston in the first place. I went for school; theater school, to be exact. Sure, there was a school in Baltimore I could have gone to, but I had issues there. Boston seemed like a clean start for me. Dozens of successful artists, musicians and actors had come out of Boston University. I was determined to become one of them.

That is, until my boyfriend, or should I say, ex-boyfriend, kicked me out of his house. I stayed at one girl’s house that was in my class for a few days before I left there too. I decided to hitch hike all the way back to Baltimore with only a back pack and one other bag. Thinking about it now, it could have gone terribly; I could have been abducted, raped, or killed. For some reason, those thoughts didn’t stop me. It took me about four days to get back to Baltimore. I nearly drained everything I had in my bank account so I could have a decent night’s sleep in a run-down highway motel. I could have called my sister to come get me; I could have got a bus ticket, but I was stubborn. Or stupid. I didn’t really know at this point.

The night I finally got into Baltimore, I went to a small coffee shop, ordered a sandwich and tea, and sat in there until the manager had kicked me out. I didn’t really know where to go after that point, so I walked around for a little while. I bummed a couple of smokes off of people. I was digging in my back pack for a lighter, I pulled it out, stuck a cigarette in my mouth and attempted to light it, but the lighter was out.

“Dammit.” I muttered, trying to lighter again; nothing. I looked up scanning the streets for someone who looked like they could have a lighter. I spotted two guys walking my way. One of them was dressed in skinny jeans, an oversized hoodie and a beanie. When the pair got close enough, I asked, “Hey, either of you two got a light?”

The two looked at one another and then shook their heads. The one with the beanie spoke up. “Sorry, man. I don’t.” I shrugged and gave a slight smile.

“Thanks anyways.” I said. He looked at me a moment.

“Do I know you?” he asked.

“No. I just got in today.” I said, turning my face slightly.

“Are you sure? Did we go to school or something?” he asked me. I then realized who it was. It was Alex Gaskarth. Of all the people in Baltimore I could have run into, it had to be him?

“No, I don’t think so.” I said.

“Sorry, I just thought…you were someone else.” Alex said before leaving with his friend. I watched him walk away before going back to my bag, looking to see if I had another lighter in there somewhere. I looked around for about five minutes until a lighter was shoved under my face. I looked up to see Alex had come back with one. I set my bag down on the ground and took the lighter from him, lighting my cigarette.

“Thanks.” I said. I went to hand the lighter back to him, but he waved his hand.

“No problem.” He said. I went to hand it back to him, but he waved his hand at me. “No, you keep it, Jillian.” He said. I looked up at him, a small frown on my face. “What the hell are you doing here? How the hell did you even get here?” Alex questioned.

“Well, for one, I hitch-hiked.” I said, exhaling smoke.

“What?” Alex exclaimed. “That’s stupid, even for you.”

I huffed. “Well, what do you expect out of me Alex? I never was a good decision maker.” I said.

“You could have called someone.” Alex said.

I let out a hollow laugh. “Ha, that’s funny Alex. Who would I call?”

“You could have called me! Or your sister, or Jack!” Alex said.

My head snapped up, “I haven’t talked to you guys in four years. I highly doubt that you guys would just drop everything, drive all the way to Boston, and pick me up.” I said, taking another drag from my smoke.

“Fuck, you’d be surprised.” Alex said. I eyed him suspiciously.

“What are you talking about?”

“Nothing. Never mind.” He said. “Just forget I said that.” I raised my eyebrow, but shrugged, taking a last drag from my cigarette and dropping it on the ground. “Do you have any place to stay?” he asked.

“Nope.” I said, folding my arms over my chest.

Alex remained silent for a moment, “I’m going to take you to your sisters.” Alex said, grabbing my arm. I yanked it back from him.

“No, you’re not.” I said hotly.

“You’re not sleeping out on the streets!” Alex raised his voice.

“Alex, I have been hitch-hiking for the past four days. I slept in an abandoned car one night, and I’m still alive. I think I can handle the streets of Baltimore.” I snapped at him.

“You always were a stubborn bitch, weren’t you?” Alex asked.

“I haven’t changed much over the years, sweetheart.” I replied.

“Well, if you’re not going to go to your sisters, you’re coming with me.” Alex said. I tilted my head, giving him a look.

“God, of all the assholes in Baltimore, you’re the one that had to find me?” Alex chuckled.

“Better than some creepy junkie.” Alex stated.

“I think I’d get along better with the junkie than you.” I teased. Alex pouted at me.

Alex finally did convince me to go to his place for a few nights. I didn’t want to impose on him, but he didn’t seem to mind. Rian, who I only talked to a few times, was even excited to see me. Alex set me up in a spare room, and showed me around the house. I asked if I could go have a shower, because I hadn’t had one in a few days. Alex nodded and got me a couple of towels. I went into the bathroom and stripped off my clothes. I noticed in the mirror how thin I had gotten, and the bruises that covered me. I shook my head and got in the shower.

I was really hoping things would work out for me this time in Baltimore. Maybe things would get better for me.

But I doubted it.