Status: Sorry to leave you hanging guys! The keyboard on my laptop is malfunctioning.
Stop Pretending That You're Sorry
41
Sigh no More
Ten thirty rolled around a lot quicker than I had expected and the lights blared on, revealing the faces of all the previously unknown people dancing around me.
And slowly everyone began trickling down the staircases that lead to the cafeteria and from there, the exit.
I sat myself down on the back windowsill in the café, waiting for John to come downstairs.
I watched everyone filing down the stairs, and wondered if my make up looked that runny from sweat, and if my hair was that mussed from dancing. Fuck it. I had a wonderful time dancing with my lesbian friends. My only friends.
And then I saw her, it took me a minute to recognize her, but surely enough it was Diane. She’d ditched her bulky glasses for contacts, and she wore a scarlet strapless dress with a golden belt, with her hair piled in perfectly sculpted curls on top of her head. She was wearing makeup too, something she didn’t do on a regular basis. She looked absolutely stunning.
Diane caught me staring at her and flashed me a huge smile and waved frantically. For once I returned the gesture.
Once the crowd had thinned a significant amount, John finally joined me downstairs. There were still a few people lingering near the door, but that was on the other side of the room from us so I assumed we were safe.
“Ready to go, Johnny boy?” I smiled, still high off the endorphins.
“Regan, we can’t do this.”
“Alright, I’ll just phone Max and ask him to come get me,” I said, rummaging through my purse for my phone.
“I’m not talking about riding home, Regan. I’m talking about this, all of this. Us in general. We can’t do this anymore.”
My searching fingers came to a halt and I looked up into his hard blue eyes.
“Are you… breaking up with me?”
“This was a bad idea from the start, we knew it would never work out. We need to stop fooling ourselves, eventually someone’s going to get hurt.”
Someone’s getting hurt right now, was what I meant to say but instead these words came out of my mouth, “Oh so that’s the kind of guy you are? Fuck ‘em and chuck ‘em. Very cute, John. Fucking asshole.”
“No that’s not it-“
“You know what, just fuck off you OCD freak,” And I left him standing along the back windows of the cafeteria.
It was cold outside, I was shivering with only my lace dress to keep me warm. It wasn’t doing a very good job.
Fuck. What the hell was I supposed to do now? I couldn’t phone Max to come get me, my only other choice was to go back to Anthony and mom. I really didn’t feel like walking all the way home in heels and a lace dress when it was this cold out. Fuck, I should’ve brought a jacket.
I was so deep in thought I didn’t even realize tears had begun silently streaming down my face. Great, now my makeup was surely messed up and I looked like a loser standing outside in the cold crying to myself.
“Regan, you ight?”
FUCK. He scared the shit out of me. It was Tucci, I hadn’t even heard him come up beside me.
“Never mind, that was a dumbass question, obviously things ain’t fucking okay,” He said, reaching out to wrap a warm arm around my shoulders.
“I don’t really wanna talk about it,” I sniffled, reaching up to try and rub the tears away.
“No one said you had too, don’t worry, jellybean. Ya need a ride home? Cause I got you.”
“I don’t want to go home,” I confessed.
“Ight, then come to my place. You can stay the night. My ma won’t mind.”
Next thing I know I was riding shotgun in the crown vic, on my way to Vinny’s house.
First thing I noticed when we pulled up was the pool out back, with steam wafting off of the top. It must’ve been heated.
When I got out of the car I started heading towards the garage door, but Tucci grabbed my hand.
“C’mon. Let’s have some fun, motherfucker.”
We circled out back until we stood at the edge of the pool. Without hesitation I jumped right in, dress and all.
Underwater everything is so quiet, you can drown out the world and all of it’s shit. I wished I could stay down there forever, it felt like the water was a safe haven, melting away all of the bullshit I didn’t want to deal with. But of course my lungs started to burn and I was forced to make my way back to the surface.
I pushed my wet hair back, and wiped the water from my eyes. When I looked up, Tucci was standing above me in his underwear, smiling that perfect Tucci smile.
And then he joined me in the water, and without thinking I wrapped my legs around his waist and brought our lips together.
Ten thirty rolled around a lot quicker than I had expected and the lights blared on, revealing the faces of all the previously unknown people dancing around me.
And slowly everyone began trickling down the staircases that lead to the cafeteria and from there, the exit.
I sat myself down on the back windowsill in the café, waiting for John to come downstairs.
I watched everyone filing down the stairs, and wondered if my make up looked that runny from sweat, and if my hair was that mussed from dancing. Fuck it. I had a wonderful time dancing with my lesbian friends. My only friends.
And then I saw her, it took me a minute to recognize her, but surely enough it was Diane. She’d ditched her bulky glasses for contacts, and she wore a scarlet strapless dress with a golden belt, with her hair piled in perfectly sculpted curls on top of her head. She was wearing makeup too, something she didn’t do on a regular basis. She looked absolutely stunning.
Diane caught me staring at her and flashed me a huge smile and waved frantically. For once I returned the gesture.
Once the crowd had thinned a significant amount, John finally joined me downstairs. There were still a few people lingering near the door, but that was on the other side of the room from us so I assumed we were safe.
“Ready to go, Johnny boy?” I smiled, still high off the endorphins.
“Regan, we can’t do this.”
“Alright, I’ll just phone Max and ask him to come get me,” I said, rummaging through my purse for my phone.
“I’m not talking about riding home, Regan. I’m talking about this, all of this. Us in general. We can’t do this anymore.”
My searching fingers came to a halt and I looked up into his hard blue eyes.
“Are you… breaking up with me?”
“This was a bad idea from the start, we knew it would never work out. We need to stop fooling ourselves, eventually someone’s going to get hurt.”
Someone’s getting hurt right now, was what I meant to say but instead these words came out of my mouth, “Oh so that’s the kind of guy you are? Fuck ‘em and chuck ‘em. Very cute, John. Fucking asshole.”
“No that’s not it-“
“You know what, just fuck off you OCD freak,” And I left him standing along the back windows of the cafeteria.
It was cold outside, I was shivering with only my lace dress to keep me warm. It wasn’t doing a very good job.
Fuck. What the hell was I supposed to do now? I couldn’t phone Max to come get me, my only other choice was to go back to Anthony and mom. I really didn’t feel like walking all the way home in heels and a lace dress when it was this cold out. Fuck, I should’ve brought a jacket.
I was so deep in thought I didn’t even realize tears had begun silently streaming down my face. Great, now my makeup was surely messed up and I looked like a loser standing outside in the cold crying to myself.
“Regan, you ight?”
FUCK. He scared the shit out of me. It was Tucci, I hadn’t even heard him come up beside me.
“Never mind, that was a dumbass question, obviously things ain’t fucking okay,” He said, reaching out to wrap a warm arm around my shoulders.
“I don’t really wanna talk about it,” I sniffled, reaching up to try and rub the tears away.
“No one said you had too, don’t worry, jellybean. Ya need a ride home? Cause I got you.”
“I don’t want to go home,” I confessed.
“Ight, then come to my place. You can stay the night. My ma won’t mind.”
Next thing I know I was riding shotgun in the crown vic, on my way to Vinny’s house.
First thing I noticed when we pulled up was the pool out back, with steam wafting off of the top. It must’ve been heated.
When I got out of the car I started heading towards the garage door, but Tucci grabbed my hand.
“C’mon. Let’s have some fun, motherfucker.”
We circled out back until we stood at the edge of the pool. Without hesitation I jumped right in, dress and all.
Underwater everything is so quiet, you can drown out the world and all of it’s shit. I wished I could stay down there forever, it felt like the water was a safe haven, melting away all of the bullshit I didn’t want to deal with. But of course my lungs started to burn and I was forced to make my way back to the surface.
I pushed my wet hair back, and wiped the water from my eyes. When I looked up, Tucci was standing above me in his underwear, smiling that perfect Tucci smile.
And then he joined me in the water, and without thinking I wrapped my legs around his waist and brought our lips together.