ronnie radke fanfic

For what was probably the fourth time that night, I glared over at Dave, our manager, who was talking as loud as he possibly could on the phone.

"Yeah, the shows have been great, they're on fire every day. Today's show was one of the best..."

"Dave, it's great that you think we're playing so well and all, but could you please keep it down," I said with a scowl.

"I wasn't talking about you, I was talking about Chiodos," Dave shot back, holding the phone away from him.

"You couldn't have been because Chiodos weren't even playing today," I said, matter-of-factly.

"Whatever," Dave said, defeated, returning to his phone call.

I turned back to the TV and continued to watch Supernatural. The box set Adam got me for my last birthday was on the floor next to the couch I was lying on. As if on cue, Adam walked in and picked up the box, putting it on the table.

"Move over," Adam said, sitting down next to me. Usually I would have put up a fight, but right now I was way too tired. I reluctantly sat up and moved over, lazily throwing my arm over his shoulder.

"I want that car," I said, nodding at the screen.

"Of course you do," Adam said with a smirk. "I'll get it for you when we're rich."

"Thank you so much," I said, sarcastically.

We sat watching the rest of the episode, until nearing the end, I got annoyed with Dave again and turned to him, ready to say something. What he said next stopped me in my tracks.

"...I'd love to keep talking, dude, but the guys want me to go to this party tonight..."

My head snapped towards Adam.

"It's not really a party..." Adam began, sheepisly.

"Yes, you heard me right, a party," Dave said into the phone. Adam glared over at him.

"Dave, shut up," Adam said.

"Explain," I said, ignoring Dave, looking directly at Adam.

Adam sighed. "Okay, don't interrupt. Just hear me out."

I nodded reluctantly and waited for him to go on.

"We all know you can't stand alcohol or drugs and we all know why, too..." When I gave him a weird look, he hastily added, "Well, only me, Parker, Will and Skylar know why. Anyways, we understand you're just trying to protect us, but we can handle ourselves. You need to trust us. No drugs. The most we'll do is have a few light drinks." He paused. "And I'll watch Will for you."

That was hard to object to. He was always so reasonable. "Why should I let you?" It came out sounding more like a statement than a question.

"Because you're my best friend?" That came out sounding more like a question than a statement.

I looked at him and after a staredown that lasted for a few seconds, I sighed and gave in. "Fine."

Adam scooped me up into a hug. "Thank you!" He turned his head sideways. "It's all cool, guys!"

I heard a few sighs of relief before Skylar, Will and Parker all thanked me before returning to the back lounge to get ready to go. Adam released me with a grin on his face.

"Besides, this will give you a chance to start planning Parker's birthday," Adam said and I punched his shoulder lightly.

"Don't push your luck," I said and he smiled again before joining the rest of them.

I listened to them fighting at the other end of the bus for the next few minutes. Parker getting mad at Skylar for somehow turning his black Converse pink, Will and Skylar annoyed that they didn't have girlfriends and Parker and Adam did, Will yelling that he couldn't find his straightener... honestly, sometimes I think they're the girls in this band. I wouldn't be surprised if they started talking about make-up...

"I guess you're not coming?"

I looked up to see Will standing in the doorway to the bunk area with a nervous look on his face. People always see him as the joker in our band but they don't realise he has a serious side and honestly, although he would never admit it, I can tell he is a little bit sensitive. Like I said, though, he would never admit it. He is a guy, after all. Guys don't do that kind of thing, talk about their feelings... so does that make me a guy, too?

"You know I'm not," I said with a shrug. "I'll freak out around that stuff."

Will nodded, his face emotionless, though I knew what he was thinking.

"Don't mess up, Will." It sounded harsh, but it needed to be said. Will nodded without looking at me. We heard the rest of the guys somewhere behind him and Will moved swiftly to the side so they wouldn't knock into him.

"Hey! Ho! Let's go!" Skylar said loudly and the rest of them started humming "Blitzkrieg Bop". I rolled my eyes at them as they headed for the door leading outside. They all called "Bye!" over their shoulders to me.

"Don't be back late!" I shouted.

"Yes, mom!" someone called back before the door was shut and I was alone. I realised Dave had disappeared, probably with them. Drew wasn't around either, so I assumed he had gone too.

I let out a long sigh before getting up, turning off the TV and returning the DVD to it's box. As I did so, something slipped out of the box and I reached down to pick it up. I smiled when I saw the photograph that Adam had given to me with the DVDs. It was of when our band first started. I had objected to getting my picture taken, but it ended up being taken anyways. Drew took it. I was in the middle, my hair had been slightly wavy and all brown, unlike now. One of my arms was around Adam's shoulders and the other was around Skylar's. Parker stood next to Skylar and Will next to Adam. We were in front of Adam's garage. I couldn't help but smile. Maybe it was because none of us used straighteners then and our hair looked different. Maybe it was something else.

**

Fifteen years old. I got up every day and quickly left the house for school before I caught someone's attention. I walked to school every day, even though the walk was long. I could have gotten the bus but I was saving my money. At school, I was invisible. That was how I liked it, blending into the backround. I think people saw me as this weird quiet kid, so they just left me alone. I didn't have any friends and I didn't mind either. My grades were good, although I didn't put a lot of work into them. After school, I went straight to a local CD store, where I worked. The pay was pretty good. That job paid for the neccesities.

After I finished work there, after two hours, I went across town to my second job. I used the money I earned here for whatever I wanted. I worked at a store that sold all kinds of instruments. Trumpets, banjos, violins... I had no interest in any of them. I preferred the wide range of guitars, bass's and the few drum sets in the corner. I loved this job. I was allowed to test out the guitars, amps, pedals and basically whatever I wanted. I had no problem working there until the store closed at eight. I usually hung around, even after it was closed. The boss didn't mind. He was cool and seemed to like me. He said I wasn't like the majority of kids, prompting me to start playing Green Day's "Minority" on the guitar I was holding at the time. This made him smile.

By the time I had gotten around to going home, it was always very late, long past midnight. The chances of me bumping into someone I didn't want to see were slim, it was too late. I often didn't have to worry about not getting enough sleep every night. No matter what I did, the nightmares kept me from getting a good nights sleep anyways.

I never thought anything would change.

**

After plugging in the amp and pedal, I sat on the floor and strummed a few random chords. My boss at my "second job" had surprised me a few days ago by giving me my favourite electric guitar in the shop, my favourite amp in the shop and my favourite pedal in the shop. He said it was a gift because I was such a great employee, better than his own son, Drew, who barely ever showed up for work. I was ecstatic. I wanted to get some time to properly play it, but the weekend, when I didn't work at either job and tended to just go for walks or stayed home when I was sure no one else was home, seemed so far away. I somehow managed to get time off my first job one day. I begged the school's caretaker to leave the music room open after school was over and he gave in quickly. So I brought the guitar, amp and pedal in and set up quickly. Sure, I could have gone home. Could have, but wouldn't have.

I had been playing a few random chords for a while, just warming up, when I decided to play something. As I was debating on what to play, I heard someone in the hallway outside the room. I held my breath and my eyes landed on the door as the knob turned and the door was pushed open.

I was surprised to see who I recognised as the new kid. He had only been here for a few weeks. He was pretty introverted, from what I'd observed, a bit like me. His dark ginger hair fell over his ears and across his forehead in a "perfectly-messy" sort-of way. He seemed slightly taken aback, too, almost dropping the guitar case he was holding.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Actually, I was planning on using this room," he said, matter-of-factly.

I blinked and had to stop myself from scowling. "Sorry, in case you haven't noticed, this room is taken."

He frowned. "I asked the caretaker."

Now I frowned. "I asked the caretaker."

We looked at each other for a long moment before I sighed and turned away, my attention back on my guitar.

"I don't know what you plan on doing, but I'm not leaving," I said, turning around, ignoring him. I tried to focus on playing the guitar and eventually lost myself in the opening riff for "Enter Sandman" by Metallica. It had just come to the part where the other guitar comes in but that wouldn't happen now, since it's just me. Or so I thought. The other guitar part was being played behind me and I twisted my body to see the new kid sitting on the floor across from me, playing what I was hearing. He grinned when he noticed me looking at him, but didn't stop playing and neither did I. We played the whole song, I even used the pedal for the solo and I knew he found it impressive. When we finished, we just looked at each other and broke out into smiles, laughing.

"I'm Emily," I said once I finished laughing, holding my hand out for him to shake. He shook my hand, still smiling, as was I. "And I'm not usually such a bitch. Sorry."

"It's fine," he said. "I'm Adam."

The next few weeks flew by. Instead of lingering at the store after I finished working at my second job, I went to Adam's house. It felt like we'd known each other forever, but it was weird being around his family. He was an only child and his parents really cared about him. He always complained that they were weird, but I would have given anything to have a family like that.

We played guitar together in his garage. I didn't tell him that I sang or wrote songs. We just played a bunch of random songs on guitar all the time and it was so much fun. Sometimes, when it was very hot, we opened the garage door. Not many people walked by. Adam lived in a small neighborhood and the only person who walked by often was a guy with blonde hair who was about two years older than me and, from what I heard, he went to a posh private school.

I was working at my second job one day when two guys walked in, both loud, both with dark hair. I was sitting behind the counter with an acoustic guitar. The two guys who just came in were walking to the other end of the shop. One went to the bass's, the other to the drum kits. The guy looking at the drum kits turned around and started looking through sticks. The guy looking at the bass's seemed to be deep in thought.

I wasn't in the mood to go over and help them, I just wanted to play guitar. I was looking forward to going over to Adam's house later that day. At school earlier, he told me about this "sick" guitar that his dad gave to him that morning as a belated sixteenth birthday present. It was his sixteenth birthday a month ago. He really wanted me to see it. We could play together later and hang out for the rest if the weekend. I couldn't wait.

"You guys need any help?" Drew, who had miraculously shown up for work that day, called over to the two guys.

"Um..." the guy looking at the bass's seemed to still be deep in thought "Yeah, okay."

Drew nudged me before sitting back in his seat next to me, reading Alternative Press. "They're all yours."

"Thanks, Drew," I said sarcastically. I got up, putting down the guitar, and walked over to the other end of the shop. "So, how can I help you?"

The guy looking at the bass's raised his eyebrow. "I was debating between these to bass's. I really need a new one. Not sure which is better." He looked back over at me. "No offence, but I think I'll need expert advice."

The other guy, who had his back to us as he continued to look at drumsticks, snickered. I frowned. It really annoyed me when people came in here, took one look at me and decided that a fifteen year old schoolgirl was unable to play these instruments and wondered out loud why the hell I was working here. I was always happy to prove them wrong.

Without saying anything, I took both bass's down, plugged each into seperate amps and sat down on another amp that wasn't plugged in. I took one bass, got into a comfortable position and started playing. I purposely played very difficult bass lines to impress them and it was working. By the time I picked up the second bass, their eyes were wide and their mouths slightly open. When I finished with the second bass, I looked up at the guy who had asked for help and said, "Well, according to expert advice, this bass..." I held up the second bass "...is better quality and value and plays well, too. The other one's good, but this one's a lot better."

"Shit, Skylar, she's better than you," the other guy said, laughing.

I smiled, victorious.

"I think I'll take that one," Skylar mumbled. "Can I test it out, too?"

"Was that not good enough for you?" the other guy smirked. Skylar scowled at him.

"Sure," I said to Skylar, handing him the bass and indicating to the amp I was sitting on. He sat down and started playing. I was surprised that he was extremely good and, like me, played bass with his fingers.

"How long have you been playing?" I asked, leaning against a wall.

"Nearly six years," Skylar said. "Got a bass for my tenth birthday. It's my birthday in two weeks. You should wish me a happy birthday."

"Happy birthday," I said automatically, thinking about Adam's birthday last month.

"You should wish me a happy birthday," the other guy said. "It was my sixteenth birthday five monthes ago."

I laughed. "Happy birthday."

"Do I know you?" Skylar said to me. "I feel like I've seen you somewhere before."

"Well, I go to school here," I said. "And I work at the CD store, too."

"Must have seen you at school," Skylar said. "We go to school here, too."

So much for being invisible.

"We've got to go," Will said, looking at his watch. "Star Wars is on TV tonight!"

Skylar laughed nervously. "Sorry. Will is a nerd."

"Wait, Star Wars is on tonight?" I asked. "Sweet!" I realised what Skylar just said and laughed. "Don't worry, you'll never meet a bigger nerd than me."

They both smiled.

"Well, I'll take this," Skylar said, holding up the bass. "And I think Will wants those sticks."

Will nodded, grinning.

I brought them over to the counter, talking to Will about drumming and how I wanted to learn. He laughed, saying he couldn't imagine someone as small as me playing drums. I shrugged and laughed along. He had been playing drums for about seven years, apparently. They eventually left the shop and soon it was closing time. I went back to Adam's house and he showed me his new guitar, which really was awesome, and then we watched Star Wars.

The following Monday at school I was surprised when, as me and Adam sat together at lunch, Skylar and Will joined us. I introduced them to my best friend, Adam, and we all instantly clicked, even if mine and Adam's quiet personalitys were different to Will and Skylar's louder personalitys.

Will and Skylar started coming over to Adam's house too. We even managed to relocate one of Will's drum kits from his room to Adam's garage, leaving the other kit at his house. We all started playing together, me and Adam on guitar, switching between lead and rhythm, Skylar on bass and Will on drums. We had no singer and I wasn't going to tell them that I sang.

We were playing a cover of "Cute Without The E (Cut From The Team)" by Taking Back Sunday, with the garage door open because it was hot, when that blonde haired guy that goes to a posh private school was walking by. To our surprise, he stopped. Will and Skylar hadn't seen him before and vice versa. Maybe he was surprised that there was more of us now. He had never stopped before.

He turned so he was facing us and called over, "That would sound great with vocals."

"You sing?" Skylar called back and he stopped paying, resulting in the rest of us stopping too.

The blonde guy laughed. "No. I just play guitar."

"Sweet! Come over here!" Skylar said and the blonde guy obeyed.

"I'm Parker," he said.

"Skylar," Skylar said and then looked around at us all and nodded at us each in turn, "That's Will, that's Adam and that's Emily."

"I've seen you play together before, anyways," Parker said, nodding at me and Adam. "So now you've got a full band going?"

"Apart from vocals," Will said with a sigh.

"Oh," Parker said, looking thoughtful.

He stuck around that day, watching us play. When he walked by the next day, we called him over again. It eventually became an unspoken thing that he just came over every day. I had misjudged him. I thought he was going to be a stuck-up rich kid. He did go to a private school and his family was quite well off, but he was just normal. He was cool to hang out with. Plus he was an amazing guitar player and sometimes just played one of Adam's guitars when the rest of us were taking a break.

One day I was sitting in the garage with one of Adam's acoustics. The rest of the guys were on the other side of the house, getting something to eat, as usual. I couldn't help myself. I started singing out loud, my own songs, too, the opening lyrics being: "Go ahead, destroy what's left. If there's anything left at all. It can't let me down if I'm already off the cliff and halfway down." I should have known the guys would walk in and hear me. They did. They all stared at me in awe before bursting into a round of applause. I felt my face turn red. They all begged me to play it again. After they started practically grovelling, I did. When I was finished they looked at each other and broke out into smiles. Parker, Skylar and Will got to work, changing it from an acoustic song into a band version. Parker created a riff, Skylar created a bass line and Will added the drum part. Adam sat beside me and gave me a look.

"I know, I know," I said. "I should have told you."

"Yes, you should have," Adam said, wrapping his arm over my shoulders. "But I'm not going to scold you. I'm just going to tell you that you're our new lead singer."

I groaned but couldn't help but smile. "Okay. Just for you." I looked over my shoulder at Parker, Skylar and Will "And the rest of them, too."

Our band was formed. I gave up playing guitar in the band to focus solely on singing. I made a big deal of making it sound like it was such a sacrifice, but I was secretly happy, because I loved to sing. After creating that amazing riff, Parker joined the band, playing lead guitar. Adam played rhythm guitar. And of course Skylar played bass and Will played drums.

"That song is going to make you guys huge!" Drew told us one day, after we played him the song. "Just for the record, when you guys start touring, I'm going to be your merch guy. Just thought I'd let you know."

I laughed and shrugged. "Sure, why not."

"Heads up!" Skylar said loudly, throwing Drew a camera. "We need to capture this moment."

"No!" I squeeled. "Not pictures!"

"You're the lead singer," Parker said. "Of course you're going to have your picture taken."

I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Then the paparazzi..." he said trailing off.

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Fine. One picture."

We stood out in front of Adam's garage and allowed Drew to take our picture.

"Here's to what's going to be an amazing future for an amazing band," Drew said. "Raise your glass's into the air!"

We raised imaginary glass's into the air and Will held up Parker's glasses. We all laughed but Parker scowled. He refused to wear glasses, instead always wearing contacts.

"So, what are you guys called?" Drew asked.

The guys all looked at each other, wondering.

"Broken Colours." I blurted out. They all looked at me.

"That's actually really cool," Adam said. "How'd you come up with that?"

"I think it means breaking something that's impossible to break," I said with a smile and the guys all nodded and repeated it.

"Broken Colours."

**

Now, three years later, I smiled at the picture and the good memories it brought back and put it back into the box for me to find again another time. I walked across the front lounge of the tour bus and put the DVD box set on the shelves next to the TV. I went to the bathroom, changed into my pyjamas, removed the small amount of make-up I was wearing and looked in the mirror. I frowned, as usual, at my reflection. What was it that I hated so much about how I looked? I know I'm not pretty, but I didn't understand why I couldn't even bear to look at myself. I wasn't tall, I had extremely pale skin, even on a tour like this, where everyone else was sunburnt or had a tan. But I think I knew what it was now. Looking closer and closer until my face was almost pressed against the mirror, I realised what I was. I jumped back in surprise. It was my eyes. The eyes that everyone always said were so pretty. Because they reminded me of the monster I was trying to forget. My dad.

Then I felt dizzy and I grabbed onto the sink to keep my self up. It didn't work. I let my back hit the wall behind me, hard, and let myself slide down onto the floor. My vision was blurring and I waited for about ten seconds. My sight refocused and I was back to normal, except for the aching in my back. I glanced up at the mirror. From this angle, I couldn't see myself. I stood up and opened the bathroom door without looking at the mirror, because I knew if I did, feeling like I did right now, I would want to smash it into a million pieces.

I ran out of the bathroom and shut the door behind me.