Stay with Me

I walked into the familiar driveway, my hands shaking as I fished the keys under the third gnome from the left side of the patio. The house is the same as it was when I left, the light blue paint illuminates every dark highlights of the windows. My dad's mercedes is still park outside the garage, my old car taking its place inside the garage. I opened the front door and inhaled the familiar scent. My dad still keeps the same perfume, family portraits hang in the hallway as I made my way to stairs, passing the large family room and a fireplace. The hallway upstairs didn't change at all, a reminder that no one really lived here for a long time. I walked pass the master's bedroom and the office as I reach my room.

Nothing had change, there were dust everywhere too, a sign that no one entered the room, my bed is still messy and my closet is still open, just like how I left it. I put my backpack on my bed and opened my bed side table to get my car keys, I have decided to not go straight to the hospital and just let everything sink in. It did of course, everything that just happened this week flashed back in my head making my body weak.

The sun is shining outside and I have made an effort to drag myself to my bmw before I hit the early New York traffic. Everything is in place too, my kurt cobain bubble head still on my dashboard, and my pillow on the back seat. I drove the streets of New York, too anxious to even appreciate everything. I have missed this place but it's not why I'm here. I have been ignoring my phone since the last call I got, I have been ignoring a lot of calls from anyone actually.

"I'm here for Stanly Ba-"

"You're Nike?" The lady with a red head and freckles behind the counter asked, I nodded and she gave me a full smile before extending her hands.

"You resembled your father so much... I'm Joyce, the attending nurse" she said, I shook her hands and gave back her smile.

"You look pale, are you okay?"

"How's my dad?" I asked, ignoring her question, she gave me a stern look before she leads me to the hallway, asking for us to walk.

"He's been in and out the hospital since last year, tough horse, your dad. Always insisting that nothing's wrong...."

"But there's something wrong??" I asked, Joyce gave me a nod as we turn left, I now noticed the patience's room. My hands shaking as I see patience lying in their bed. I don't feel so good.

"Yes, the doctors have found a clot on one of his major arteries and if we didn't do surgery it'll get worse" she said as she stopped on a door with a "Stanley Barnes" sign in front. I am not yet ready for this. Joyce opened the door but I looked away and sit across the room. The heavy smell of disinfectant made my head spin.

"You can tell me...I mean, if that'll make you feel any better" Joyce said, sitting next to me. Her eyes full of concern and sincerity, her cheeks burn red when I looked at her. I shook my head, knowing that talking about my family will make my whole situation worst.

"Well, you have all day..." She said as she started walking away, I kind of wish she didn't walked away because I don't like to be alone in a hallway...of a hospital...

"Pathetic" I murmured to myself as I stand up and walk across the room. My hands trembling as I held the doorknob. "Come on you little pussy" I said to myself as I open the door.

My father. Once a healthy man, quite pretty as well, his once fit body is now skinny, and paler as ever, his wavy hair now dry, and he's been growing a beard. My dad's been sick. No, wait, my dad is sick. I sat on the nearest chair and stared at him. He's quite not like the father I left 2 years ago, I mean, he's like the zombie version of my daddy.

"Hi dad." I blurted the words as I held his hand. My chest swell up and tears began to flow from my eyes.

"Yeah...I'm home daddy...I know you can hear me daddy, it's our time now..." I said squeezing his hand, as if waiting a response, but I failed.

"I am so sorry daddy, this is all my fault. I am so sorry I love you daddy oh my god I can't believe I let this happen, if I were here, if I didn't leave, I could have taken care of you..." I said almost yelling while my sobbing take the most out of me. It is my fault, if I was here with him, I could have dragged him into surgery.

"Daddy, please wake up...we can play the piano again, dad please just wake up, I have somethings to tell you..." I tried to say, although my crying didn't help my diction. My father didn't respond to anything, he just lay there. Motionless. The cords and wires connected to him made him look more vulnerable.

"Daddy please wake up, I need to tell you about a boy..." I said, just trying if he'll react but he didn't, my emotions flowed through me, conscious about the monitor beside me.

"Daddy, I fell inlove... Won't you like to see me inlove and happy like you were with mom?" I said, regretting the words as images of my childhood flood through me, and then me and Garrett. Knowing that we don't have a chance anymore, that I'm lying just to wake my father up.

"I also got a dog, her name is Vader. She'll love you so much daddy and I swear you'll love her back..." I said, come to think of it, I kind of feel like I'm talking to Vader right now since my father is not responding at all.

"I'll stay with you daddy, I promise I won't leave again. I love you so much I couldn't just lose you. Wake up already so we can prove these people you're healthy okay dad?" I said wiping all the liquids coming out of my eyes.

"Please don't leave me, like everyone I loved did..." I murmured as I hug him, conscious of the wires connected on him.

&&

I have spend the last 3 days with my dad. Or at least with my dad's body. I have been in and out of the hospital, going out whenever I need some fresh air, and I'll be in whenever I got my guts back. Tonight, I brought my dad some picture frames from the house, Joyce told me that I should keep talking to him because he can hear me.

It's been 3 days since I slept or eat anything right. 3 days outside my world. I can't really concentrate on anything right now, my world is in chaos. I stared at my father's body. He's really pale, like paper white pale. It worried me so much that I might be as sick as him soon, I worry that he might be really sick. Because if I don't feel good and my color is better than him, then what does he feel.

I need a distraction, I need someone to talk to. I don't need someone to pity me, I don't need that right now, I don't need to pity myself too because I have to be strong for my father. I fished out my phone and dialed the number I barely call.

"Nike?!" Tim's voice answered, his voice has a tone of surprise.

"Can you tone down your voice? I don't really want them to know I'm calling" I replied, chewing on my nails.

"Oh yeah right, this is secret agent stuffs. How are you?!" He replied, see I think it's a good decision to call Tim, he's the most unbiased person I know. And I appreciate him talking to me normally.

"First of, I'm alive. Second, I'm in New York. Third, I'm holding on" I replied and give out a heavy sigh, earning a chuckle from Tim.

"Good to hear you're alive, so... Are you gonna stay in NYC for like..forever?"

"Maybe...I don't know yet, everything's been complicated. But I'll be staying here to take good care of my ol' man" I replied looking at my dad.

"Why is he sick?"

"He's in a coma"

"Oh shit. Are you sure you don't want to talk to Jared...or John? Or maybe Ga-"

"Tim..." Interrupting him, is he out of his mind or has be been living under a rock.

"I'm sorry, I just thought that it'll be good if you talk to them, I'm no good in this topic"

"If I wanted to be pity I'll be calling Jared, Tim." I replied, rubbing my forehead with my thumb

"That made sense, everyone's been really stressed out lately.."

"I hope it's not bothering the shows" I replied feeling guilty.

"Oh nah! Believe it or not they can be pretty professional! Although fans are starting to ask about Garrett's black eye" he said, my heart sank when I heard his name, it sank even deeper when I heard the black eye. "Jared got him straight!" He said laughing.

"How's Jared coping up?" I asked diverting the topic.

"He'll survive, trust me."

"How about Gary- I mean uhm"

"He's okay, I guess, he's having a pretty hard time tho, with all the boys not talking to him and all... I'm kind of stuck with him all tour...the kid snores!" He said laughing again.

"He does, when he's tired... Well, at least someone's getting some sleep" I replied chuckling to myself. How come he still can sleep? I can't even find a way to feel sleepy.

"Hey don't get him wrong, the boy is broken. He regret his actions, and uhm it's kind of my fault too...so I- uhm sorry for uhm not fetching him when he's so drunk" Tim said, as the background went quiet.

"He's......drunk?" I said, as if I didn't hear the first time. Tim told me that he didn't remember anything afterwards, he just woke up alone in bed, naked. Nice try, being drunk isn't really an excuse. We argued a lot about how Garrett know or didn't know about what he did when he was doing it when a young man, about my age went in the room, his blue eyes fixed on my father before it went to me.

"Uhm, I'll call you back, tell Jared I'm alive or something" I told Tim as I hang up the phone and stared back at the stranger, he has a lab gown so I figured he's a doctor.

"Uhm...I'm not a ghost..." I said to break the silence. The man laughed and went to shake my UNextended hand.

"I'm David Goldman, I am one of your father's doctor." He introduced himself.

"Hi Dr. Goldman...I'm Nike...uhm his daughter." I said noticing his name card.

"Please, call me Dave. I feel old whenever they call me Dr...." He trailled off as he observe my father's body.

"Didn't you study to earn that title..." I said, breaking the moment of silence. Dave nodded and gave me a warm smile.

"Do you like, visit every 3 days?" I added, my brows meeting, if he's my father's doctor he shouldn't be absent the rest of the days.

"No, I just got back from a week of meeting in Amsterdam...but I asked Joyce to take good care of him." He said looking at the clip board placed in the bedside table.

"You know... Your father is anemic, and he need blood." The doctor added, believe me I almost snorted. If my father needs blood then what is he waiting for?!

"We have the same blood, go on. Take mine."

"I don't think yours won't do, I don't think you look good yourself...did you consider-"

"Let's focus on my father's health Dave." I replied scowling at my shoes. The doctor let out a chuckle.

"Just like your father...stubborn." He said handing me a piece of paper and a pen.
"That's the request papers and the waiver, you need to sign them for him" he added, I signed them and looked at the rather pretty doctor.

"He's gonna wake up right?" I said when he was about to leave, he looked at me with a light smile and shrug.

"I won't promise anything, but we're hoping..." He said closing the door behind him as he leave. There goes all my hope in humanity.

&&

"Daddy, you need to get up!!!" My voice echoed in my father's room. I've been waiting for almost a month now and my father is still not waking up. Every second wasted, every minute passed with something blocking his artery.

The same moment, my phone rang and it's been a long time since I talked to someone not working in a hospital, I looked at the screen and saw my cousin's name.

"I hate you so much, you know that right?!" His voice boomed even before I put the phone in my ear.

"Hi to you too..." I said chuckling...

"Was that a laugh?!" He said, tone surprised, like I'm not entitled to have a humor.

"No, it's a chuckle Jared, I miss you too" I said sarcastically, but I do miss him, it's been almost 2 months till I last saw him, and a month since I talked to him.

"Do you know how worried I was?!"

"I know, Tim told me...I'm sorry Jar, I just don't want to be...I know that if I call you, you'll start feeling bad for me and I don't want that, I can't do that right now." I replied with pure honesty.

"You still bad about Garrett?" He said, I haven't given much thought about Garrett, I've been very busy worrying for my father, but now that he brought that up, well hell, ouch.

"Uhm...I- Jar... I kind of- I mean, I ki-"

"Hah. You liar. He's an asshole Nike, you deserve better than that." He snapped, interrupting my sentence. "And, by the way, what the hell are you doing in New York?! So you can just leave the house, run away like an 18 year old?!" He added, sometimes Jared's enthusiasm over being a big brother is going on the border line.

"Jared, Dad is in a coma." I snapped at him. The line went quiet and I heard someone said 'oh shit' in the backround, realizing that I was on speaker.

*GARRETT'S POV*

A month long of suffering. I want to die, someone call the grim. I want to end this tour, I know I did a wrong thing and god knows how I regret everything, my friends are all mad at me and I totally get it. I am mad at myself too. I want to go home, and see Nike's face.

Everyone is gathered in the "living room" of the tour bus, a show just ended and everyone gathered to relax and hang out. I am not really sure if I'm invited but I did stayed there anyways, hopeful to hear some news about Nike. She's been invisible for a month and everyone's worried. I am worried, this is all my fault. My heart breaks everytime I realize what I did. I did this to her. I am an asshole.

I watched Jared trying to call Nike, he did that every free time he have a free time. John drinking and talking to Kenny about not-Nike, so I don't care. Pat and Matt on a conversation about not-Nike, so again, I don't care. They haven't talk to me much too, the shows that were my happiness isn't really making me happy now, my friends only talk to me whenever we'll play an encore or something. What a life I live. At least Gary and Tim is still there...

"I hate you so much you know that right?!" I heard Jared's voice, as if he's talking to me. Hey I already know man, but when I heard her voice I knew that she answered his call. I looked up and everyone's attention was on Jared, she put his phone on speaker. And her voice, full of sarcasm, and she chuckled, like before, at least someone's healing up. And I deserve to not heal up faster anyway. Her voice is and always has been the soundtrack of my last 2 years of existence.

"Was that a laugh?!" Jared said, everyone smiling, as if she can see them. John tapping Jared's back.

"No, it's a chuckle Jared, I miss you too." She said, her voice, her lips, her face all I can imagine is her. All I can think of is her. I miss you so much. I wanted to shout. I want her to hear that I miss her. I love Nike okay, and god knows how I love her, god knows how I regret what I did. Jared told her that he was worried and he said she talked to Tim, which lead glares and daggers shoot in our direction, my eyes, are still on the phone, as if ready to grab it and run, just a minute to talk to her.

"You still feel bad about Garrett?" Jared asked, the glares went to me and then to Jared, hey thanks man, I'll be ready to drown myself in the toilet in a minute. I heard Nike stutter, trying to tell Jared that she's doesn't care anymore. What a liar. She's always been a bad liar.

"Hah. You liar. He's an asshole Nike, you deserve better than that." Jared snapped, interrupting her. I am an asshole, and as much as it hurts me it's true she deserve so much better than a cheater. My eyes fixed on Jared's phone, as I ignored everything else. I am sorry Nike.

"And, by the way, what the hell are you doing in New York?! So you can just leave the house, run away like an 18 year old?!" He added, I didn't know she's in new york... There goes my reason to end the tour. She's not gonna be there when we got back, I drove her away from arizona. I am a bad person, I'll go to hell, I can feel every god's glare from above and around me. Did I already told you that I want to die? Yeah...I'm so stupid.

"Jared, dad is a coma" she said, everyone went silent and my eyes went to Jared with alertness. Hearing Kennedy say oh shit before everyone move a muscle.

"I'll be there as soon as possible Ni-"

"No. You stay on tour, and since I know I'm on speaker, god Jared, you should give me a warning or something. Hi everybody. Having fun? Getting drunk? Getting laid? Good." She said, everyone chuckled, of course except me. They said hi and I can't really talk, it's like I am not even welcome to be in the same room as them.

"Are you sure? It's gonna be okay if you need Jared..." Pat said, 'and Garrett maybe...' I added in my mind, 'oh yeah right he fucked up'

"It's been a month Pat, I am actually surviving, I need to.... I'm alone now you know..." She said, her voice serious. I'm sorry baby.

"You have us you stud. Duh." John said, she chuckled. I would pay to hear that again.

"You know what I mean guys...it's not like I'm forgetting that you are all inlove with me." She joked, she actually joked. I feel like rolling my eyes, hearing the old Nike makes me want to puke, in a good way, it's like my heart and my stomach is in a WWE.

"Don't flatter yourself kid." John said with his big grin. I wish Nike fell inlove with John instead, he won't cheat on her.
"Hey, hey I have a cat joke!" Kennedy said.

"Not now Kenny..." Jared said, no let him Jar, I want to hear her laugh...

"Go on.." She said.

"Just kitten!" He said, earning a laugh from Pat, a punch from Jared and a roll of the eyes from John and me. Just like old times, only I am not welcome here.

"So....was that the joke?" She asked, and everyone burst into laughter, my heart is going to explode somebody call sean kingston so he can call 911 for me.

"I can't do this anymore.." I murmured, as I stand up to go to my bunk.

"Guilt's been eating you eh?" I heard Jared called out, my whole body froze and I look at them. They were all staring at me, the other line was quiet too.

"it's killing me Jared." I replied casually, everyone looking at me.

"You deserve it, you know?" He asked again, I saw John tapped his back as if trying to stop him.

"I know." I said, as if I don't know everything he's saying. I started to walk again turning my back to them

"You're an asshole" he added, that's where I snapped.

"I know, everyone's been telling me 24/7. I love her Jared, I made a mistake! I love Nike! I love her more than I loved anyone before!" I snapped, every part of my body stinging.

"Mistakes are the gateway to learning, maybe the next time you decided to pick up something you don't play with them so you know, you don't do accidents." Nike's voice said, everyone went quiet and she's talking to me. For the very first time, I am not even sure if I should be happy or sad because she thought I played with her...

"Nike...I regret everything I did, god knows how it's killing me." I talked to her, ignoring every glare and stares I got. "You're my everything since the moment I met you Nike..." I added, feeling so weak in my knees.

"I need to go, i'll call you later Jar, Dave's here..." She said before hanging up. Who the fuck is Dave? I reeled my feet and walked on my bunk. They say real men cry. I am such an asshole, she's the most perfect human being I know, and I let her go. I love her, I broke her, she moved on... Oh reaper where are you?!