Stay with Me

It turned out that my cousins had made contact with Kennedy, Matt and Pat. Flirts. Although I don't really mind them staying until 4 am just to have a chat with the boys, in that way, I don't have to always entertain them. My father's ashes was divided into 2 just as my aunt requested it to be. The funeral things was brought out and everything went back to normal. Well, almost everything. My father's ashes is now placed above the fireplace, I wanted him with mom and Percy but I don't think I'll be going back to Phoenix anytime soon.

"you're okay?" John asked by the piano, I have never seen Garrett this past few days, unknown of his whereabouts, David's past few visits keep my mind off things for a while and okay, I don't have the guts to ask.

"Yeah" I answered looking around the house like I'm looking for something. John walked from across the room to sit next to me, I rested my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around me.

"We miss you so much." He said.

"I'm here."

"Whenever you are, Garrett isn't. I miss the old times" he said.

"I'm sorry."

"I guess it's okay. He's doing something though, I can feel it." He said.

"It's none of my business."

"No Nike, you guys are bestfriends. You love each other." He said, it's true we love each other what happened to us?

"Were." I said, choking out the past tense.

"promise me you'll talk to him when the time comes, you two are my bestfriend and I don't want to see you guys miserable. It hurts me to death." He said ignoring what I just said and pat my head.

"I'm sorry for hurting you." I replied. He cackled and hugged me once before pulling my hand to the piano.

"Let's play!" He said enthusiastically, it's true, it's not only us who's suffering. It's not only us who we're hurting.

&&

4 days after my father's funeral, Jared told me that they'll be staying a bit longer since their tour is over and it's their vacation. The -ber months is already here and they're enjoying the New York weather. That night we're having dinner, every single one of us, even my cousins, even him. Everyone was quietly eating, just a few smirks and giggles.

"Uhm..." First word anyone said, it's kind of odd, I look at the speaker for a very long time and Pat shrugged and ignored me.

"Why are you guys being so quiet?" I asked, making everyone look at me, and then back to whatever it is they're doing.

"We're actually pretending you don't exist so yeah" John whispered, I look at him with daggers and he chuckled. What the fuck is the meaning of this.

"Nike..." He said, he's across the table, not really eating, the giggles and cackles vanished and they just all shut up.

"Garrett..." I said his name, trying hard to sound neutral not shaky

"Do you mind if we talk?" He said, I look around and wonder, no one's looking at the both of us.

"Here?"

"No ones here but the two of us." He said.

"Are you mental? Everybody's here." I snapped, biting the last of my potato.

"We're suppose to be here but pretend to not be here ykno? Just in case you decided to strangle him..." John whispered, I can't help smiling at him, and looking back at Garrett.

"Not here." I said, he nodded and went to the backyard.

"Great, it's kind of cold outside." I said when I heard the door closed. Everyone is looking at me.

"You promised me." John said, I fished my napkin and threw at him.

"He's forgiven huh?" I asked no one in particular.

"It's been almost 2 months Nike, he's still one of our bes-"

"I'm not asking you not to forgive him, I was just asking" I cut Jared's sentence.

"What I'm trying to say is that you should do the same." He replied, going back on his dinner. Everyone on the table gave me assuring nods, even my cousins, okay like you know what really happened.

I stood up and went straight to the backyard, the chilly air gave me goosebumps, staying the last couple of years in Arizona doesn't help me cope up with the little cold anymore.

Garrett is sitting on one of the benches near the tree, his silhouette made me have goose bumps. I went to his direction and sat on the bench, making a space between us. My eyes are fixed on the starry night, thinking of visiting central park but too scared that I might get mugged.

"Is it a good time to talk?" He asked, I nodded once without looking at him. I don't know how to feel yet, it seems like this "talk" is overdue and whatever he needed to say is already out in the wild.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being an asshole" he said, straight up. I chuckled and kicked the grass underneath us.

"You're an asshole..." I agreed with humor, making the conversation light. "You've hurt me A LOT" I added, smiling on the sky, pretending that I don't want to cry.

"I have never felt so disappointed my entire life Nike, the days I'm not with you are the darkest, with all my friends mad at me, even Trey disappointed in me. I have never felt so ashamed my entire existence" he said, voice shaking, I don't want to look at him, I don't want to give in and just hug him and tell him everything is alright.

"I'm glad you're almost back to normal though, I am so happy." He added, I look at him with amusement, how can he say I look normal, everything is not normal now, I don't feel normal anymore.

"I'm glad you're happy then, but I don't feel so normal Garrett, I feel...." I trailed off, I feel empty, that's what I wanted to say.

"I wish everything can be back to normal then, but so glad you're surviving." He said, kicking the stone near his feet.

"You're surviving too, I'm happy for you." I said wow we're talking normally, no snapping, glares and scolds. I miss him so much. "I'm going to get a drink, do you want one?" I added when no one talked for a few minutes, his bearded face smiled at me. I stood up, telling him that I'll be back.

Standing on the kitchen is John and Jared having a deep conversation.

"What's happening?" Jared said, I gave him a smile and went to the refrigerator to get beers.

"Nothings happening, we're just talking"

"With beers?" John said with a grin.

"With beers, alcohol get the best out of me. I gotta go back." I said making my way to the backyard, the silhouette was gone and I look everywhere for Garrett.

"Hey" he said, his voice startled me. He was sitting on the tree house that dad build for Percy and me, I almost forgot about that, its still intact. I've never used it often too, since Percy said no girls allowed and I oblige since I'm not really good in climbing trees. The tree house was lit by christmas lights.

"What are you doing up there?" I asked, my voice rather harsh.

"I hope you don't mind..." He said, scratching the back of his head.

"As you may know, I am not the most outgoing person out there, I don't know how to climb a tree." I said, crossing my arms.

"Yes you do, I saw you once. Please don't be stubborn, just for once." He said, with pleading voice, I just can't say no to that. I gave out a deep sigh and started to climb the tree, it's really hard, I hate it. I sat next to him, a big space between us.

"I did something inside...do you want to look at it?" He said, I kept my eyes on the grass, below us.

"Get the beers though" I asked him, eyeing the drinks I left under us so I can balance myself properly. He nodded and did what he was told.

"I've only been in there twice, Percy doesn't want me here. It's his boys club" I told him, almost snorting.

"But I don't think Percy will mind if you do now..." He said waiting for me to stand up as he just arrived the tree house after getting our drinks, for a moment I was scared that the tree house might collapse. I followed him inside, and the inside was the same, just new paint, new cushions, definitely new lights, new blankets...but the toys are still there, car comics, and Percy's American flag.

"Wow, it actually looks comfortable to live in..." I said as I grab the nearest blanket, Garrett's familiar smell engulf me as I put the blanket around me.

"You're not sleeping here the past few days are you?" I asked, feeling bad because he's my guest and I don't want him sleeping outside, it's chilly.

"I am actually, but I've spend the days doing this too" he said, smiling.

"Why?" I asked, not really sure what for, I just asked. I grab a drink and finished it in less than a minute I think, Garrett didn't mind, his drink stayed on his hands longer than mine.

"I just thought that when I finished this, it'll be a great place for us to talk, cause I know you won't buy the let's-pretend-Nike-doesnt-exist act" he said, I smiled at the thought. I actually smiled, it's the first time that I haven't snapped at him.

"I miss that." He said, my heart fell.

"I forgive you, you know?" I blurted, it is true, I have forgiven him. When my father died, I realize that I have bigger things to cry about than my boyfriend having an affair.

"It doesn't seem like it. I miss you so much" he said, sounding tired.

"Garrett, I forgive you, but you know that I just don't forget, it's hard to forget." I tried to explain my coldness towards him even though I forgive him.

"I know that, and for the nth time, I am sorry." He said, I want to hug him, to engulf his scent. To tell him that I miss him too.

"I know... If you don't mind me asking, why though? Let's be honest here, let's be honest with each other tonight...why did you...sleep with someone else?" I asked, telling my guts to go for it. Garrett let out a deep sigh before answering.

"I don't know, I was drunk, to be honest I don't even remember a single thing, I don't even remember talking to that girl." I don't even know if I should believe him but we're 'being honest' tonight so maybe he's saying the truth, the fact that he did sleep with someone else hurts me. But the fact that he's explaining the story behind it makes me understand.

"But...when we uhm you know almost did it, you were drunk too...and...well, you snapped out of i-"

"Well, the thing is, you're not forgettable Nike, every second I am with you I don't forget, every second of it I am aware, I cherish everything so much to even miss anything" he interrupted me. I felt my cheeks burn and I look at the picture near the chest, it's me when I was 3.

"You took her v-card, you know that right?" I said chuckling with no humor.

"I regret it. It should have been someone she truly loves, not someone she just desire." He said, sounding disappointed.

"She thinks she loves you, million of girls thinks they loves you..." I said, he gave me his usual smirk

"Not millions, just a thousand or so" he joked, I smiled before throwing him the nearest object near me. "Was that a revenge?" He added when the base ball hit his head, which made me laugh.

"No, if you're asking for revenge then I should get my crowbar..." I joked, he chuckled and ruffled his messy hair.

"You need a haircut" I said, I miss this times, I miss hanging out with Garrett, I miss him.

"You think? But the beard can stay right?" He asked, he already know the answer, I always ask him and Jared to shave every month, it's kind of a OCD.

"No bueno señor." I replied wrinkling my nose. He snorted and made a face.

"So...let's talk about David." He said, I gave out a nervous laugh and look at him.

"We're just friends!" I exclaimed, fidgeting.

"I haven't asked anything yet!" He said laughing nervously too.

"Okay, we're still being honest right?" I said, he replied with a right too.

"I know he likes you, and I am ever so thankful that he's bringing you medicine, checking you up every now and then, and he made you not scared of hospitals anymore. I like the guy really...." He said, the fact that he's like giving me away hurts me so much.

"What's the catch?" I asked, my voice shaking, as if I'm going to shout something stupid any minute now.

"There's no catch, you're happy with him, I can see your eyes light up when he's around." He said, okay I think I'm going to have an heart attack now if that's even possible.

"He's a very good friend Gare, that's it" I choked out, as I swallowed a bee, Garrett's eye became more alert, as if I really swallowed a bee.

"What's the problem?" He asked.

"I don't like him Gare, let's not talk about David." I said, lying down on the new cushion.

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked, not looking at him I ignored his question.

"Garrett, did you loved me?" I asked, my gut was in triumph because I asked him personally. Now, I'm just scared about the answer.

"That's the dopest question ever. I did not 'loved' you Nike, I am still inlove with you." He said very casually as if he's ordering pizza, now I really want to hug him and tell him that I miss him and that I love him and we should get married and have babies and name them Daniel Bronx, Percius Jared and Chesby Ann and ask John, Kennedy and Jared to be the godfathers, but I can't. I can't because I'm a pussy.

"Did you loved me?" He asked.

"Pass." I said. He was confused and he asked me what pass and when I said I pass on answering he bursted out laughing.

"This is not a game show Nike, it's honest night. Come on, no hard feelings..." He said, he's body across the floor is so relax and I just want to relax with him.

"I...well...Gare, you're the only guy I have ever love this much..." I said, burrying my head on the pillow. He was quiet, i'm quiet. This is the most awkward situation ever.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked. My heart fell even more. I want to, holy hell I want to but if I do then it'll mean that we're together again but I am still not ready for it. I love Garrett so much but I am not yet ready for it, I am not ready.

"You can't. I'm sorry, I have to go back-"

"No, please stay, I am sorry for even asking. Just stay." He said, as I sat up, I stopped and look at him. His blue eyes were staring at mine, and his cheeks were red.

"Can you sleep here with me? No funny business, I just want your presence..." He said, I want your presence too, I want to say, but I just nodded and watch him lay down beside me, getting a blanket and staring at me.

"I'll see you in the morning okay? Sleep well Nike, I love you so much." He said, just looking at me before closing his eyes and rolled, so that his back is facing me.

"Sleep well Gare, love you more" I whispered to myself as I lay down next to him and face my back to his, staring at a picture of Percy on his superman. costume. Gay. And Jared on his Batman costume. Gay. And me, on a.....why am I on dressed like a zombie?!