Stealer of Hearts

Hours later, when the busses had stopped the next morning at a gas station for gas, some rest, and refreshments, I decided to get off. There was barely anything to eat on Good Charlotte's bus - or at least, barely anything that I craved slash wanted. So, I decided to step off the bus for a few minutes and go inside the gas station.

I came back out shortly with a white plastic bag that contained a bottle of soda and a few bags of candy. I was about ready to head back to the bus when someone sprinted over to me, their hand reaching out and latching onto my arm. I was spun around to them with extreme force that I gasped in shock as I felt the air whip against me.

I almost expected to see Jackie or Zacky but to my surprise, Ayden stood before me, slightly fuming. I let out a breath of relief and tried to retrieve my arm from him, noticing how firm and hard his grip was. I glanced down at my arm, looking over the white fingerprints that were left on my arm as he pulled away.

His silent stare down at me made me glance up at him in confusion. He said nothing for a while; all that I could see were the anger, his own confusion, and questions flowing through his eyes. "What?" I questioned and his eyes squinted at me.

"You know what. You said you'd tell us. What's going on?" His voice was stern, low and hard. I didn't know what to tell him- how he'd react. This was only a sign of how important the band was to him and just a little hint at how his reaction may be.

"Didn't Jackie tell you?"

"She's on Zack's bus, and besides, you said you'd tell us." His voice turned lighter and so did his eyes.

"I will, but later when Nickie's here. I don't want to tell you when Jackie's there."

He shook his head. "She's staying with Zack all the way to the venue." He grabbed my arm once again. "Just come and stay on our bus for the rest of the way; you can tell us on there.” I thought about it for a second and sighed before nodding. There was no way out of this, and I guess I should just take all the private moments that I can get, to talk to them.

"Fine." We went towards Tuesday Morning's bus, got onboard and sat in silence. Nickie was still in the bathroom, doing whatever it is that he does in there, and we were waiting until the busses moved to talk. There was more of a guarantee then that no one will come on in the middle of the discussion and interrupt us.

Or overhear more than they should.

"So, what's happening?" Nickie questioned in a casual tone, hanging a sweater around his shoulders and sitting down on the lone couch opposite to the one Ayden and I sat on.

"The fight didn't tell you anything?" I asked them. I thought the fight would've sent them the obvious message of what was happening, but I guess not since they shook their heads.

Ayden shrugged. "It didn't us much." I shifted in my seat so that my side rested against the back of the sofa and my body faced the both of them. "What's this whole thing with Jackie about, and what will it do to us?"

"That's exactly what I wanted to tell you." My hand automatically went up to rub the base of my neck. I hesitated; I wasn't sure if they were as observant of Jackie as I was. I glanced over at Nickie and he was waiting patiently, though curious- and as for Ayden, his eyes were impatient and it urged me to get on with the story.

The truth is, it intimidated me quite a bit.

"So..." I lingered on, contemplating on where to begin. "Have you guys ever noticed the looks she gives me and what she does with Zacky and all while he and I were together?" I questioned them and they both shook their heads together.

"I just know that you and him broke up probably because of her." Nickie shrugged and I nodded.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "I guess she's just always wanted to intervene between me and him, and she was waiting for just the perfect opportunity. When Billy came into the whole picture before we went into the studio, after she saw how close I became to him, she decided to use it to her advantage. She just kept taunting me about how what I was doing was wrong and all, but I saw no problems about it. I was just hanging out and befriending someone that I ran into on the streets one day." I shrugged and the other two nodded, still listening.

"Ever since then, have you noticed how she has changed?" They nodded. "There's just been some things going on between her and Zack that I don't want to get into but I just know that I witnessed them; so pretty much he cheated on me - because of her. It was her plans to make this happen. She waited until the perfect time when Billy and I kissed, for the first time after she kissed Zacky, and then she captured a picture and used it against me.

"She sent them to some tabloid place and gave the newspaper to Zacky. I was on my way to tell him that it wasn't working out but he was already pissed off. He thought I didn't know about him and Jackie. So blah blah blah." I skipped a few details that I had a feeling they knew about. "We got into a fight, I broke up with him, and he thought that this was all about Billy when it was 'cause of her, and here we are now." I shrugged, trying to pass off indifference.

I then sighed. "I don't know if I can do this, guys.” I shook my head sadly, looking down at my lap. I didn't dare look up at their faces as they figure out what I meant. "I don't know if I can go on with the band if she continues on being like this --"

"What?" Nickie exclaimed, jumping out of his seat up to his feet. "What do you mean you can't continue on?"

"I never said that!" I stared up at him; his expression was disbelieving. "I said I don't know if I can; I'm not quitting the band nor are we gonna end just yet."

"But what is this supposed to mean Tabs?" Ayden used a firm voice, holding my gaze with his. "What do you mean 'just yet'? Can't you and Jackie just work something out? What if this was just one of those broken moments in a friendship?" The hopefulness in his voice on that last sentence nearly made me regret ever telling him - though I knew I had little to no chance of ever avoiding it.

"Don't you see that this new Jackie is most likely to permanently stay?" I stood up. "If it is, I can't go on our whole career with someone I can't stand! I can't do a musical career where I can't enjoy my time every day between playing shows; I'm just gonna stick with this for as long as I can, which I don't think will be long after this tour ends." I paused and took a glance around at their faces.

Ayden was staring down at the ground, his hands clasped together and his back hunched over as his elbows rested on his knees. I can see the hurt and disappointment in the expression, from what I could see through his hair. I knew it was because of me - because of what I said. I knew I crushed him.

I was crushing his dreams. He didn't want it to end (but of course, I didn't either); he had hopes in believing something false, hoping to find a flaw in the truth somewhere to call out my 'lie'. But he had to face reality sometimes.

It was like fighting a battle in a friendship; you're trying your best to come up with the best reasons and arguments so that the other is the one to blame when deep down, you know it was your fault. When you think you had them, they came up with the perfect reason to counteract yours and you've got nothing more to say. They walk out and you're filled with grief because you finally know the real reality. You were the one to blame when the friendship bond was broken.

I tore my eyes away from him, not wanting to feel this guilt increase inside of me, and glanced over at Nickie. He stared out straight ahead of him and looked right through me, expressionless and motionless. It was as though he was in a trance. I know what he was doing- he was trying to make himself feel calm. He was trying to re-assess everything in his mind and numb himself of all feelings.

I've always hated it every time he does that.

I released a defeated sigh, letting my love for him get the best of me. I moved a step closer and sat down on the couch, scooting close to him and wrapping my arms around his abdominals. I laid my chin on his shoulder from behind and rested my head against the side of his neck.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "But wouldn't you agree that it'd be no use if things were like that?" I took the risk of questioning him. I felt him nod slightly, one of his hands moving down to hold onto mines. "We have two choices though," I spoke loudly so that Ayden could hear as well. "Either me or she leave, and then you guys can continue on the band with a new replacement member or you can start over from the beginning with new songs, new members, a new name…” I lingered on, leaving it up to them to decide on their choices and our future.

I stood up, patting him on the back and moving over to Ayden for an embrace. I wrapped my arms around him as he wrapped his around my waist with little effort. I pulled away. "I'll leave the choices up to you guys; think about them," I told them softly, before heading to the back room where I sat down on the large set of connected sofas and placed my head in the palm of my hands.