Ivory Tower

"You're being fucking impossible!" Josh shouted from the bedroom a few weeks later when they were back home in the U.K.

L.A truly had been a vacation. It had been the vacation from all their problems waiting for them back in Surrey. It was as if nothing had changed. All they did was fight. They went to bed angry, woke up angry and went through their day fighting and angry at one another. They weren't even sure why they were fighting anymore. All they knew was that they were angry at each other.

"Okay, stop!" Genny screamed, slamming a glass against the counter and shattering it. "Stop screaming at me and let's just fucking talk this out like adults!"

"Don't move," Josh ordered softly. "There's glass everywhere."

Josh grabbed a broom and a dustpan and swept up the glass from around her feet, before doing the same with the glass on the counter. He tossed the glass into the trash bin and put the broom and dustpan back into a closet. He walked over to Genny and took her in his arms. It was the first form of affection they had shown each other since coming home.

"Why is this so hard?" Genny sighed into his chest, holding him back tightly.

"It designed that way," Josh stated softly, rubbing her back. "It's not supposed to be easy. If it were easy it wouldn't be worth it."

"I don't want to fight anymore," Genny replied, looking up at him.

"I know, baby." Josh nodded. "This is fucking exhausting."

"Can we just tell each other why we're angry with each other without getting in a screaming match?" Genny asked. "I really just want to work this out."

"I do, too." Josh nodded. He backed up and sat on the couch, sitting her beside him. "Okay, go. Tell me why you're angry at me."

"I'm angry with you because you can't seem to forgive me for leaving," Genny sighed. "It doesn't matter why it happened or how many times I apologize you just don't care. It's as if you enjoy being angry with me."

"I don't enjoy being angry at you, Genny." Josh sighed, holding his head in his hands. "It's just that I felt abandoned by you. I felt abandoned and I felt betrayed because you felt like you couldn't come to me and talk to me like an adult. You wanted to get married yet you had no idea how to communicate with me. You just left and then you came home and expected everything to be the way it was again."

"Okay," Genny nodded. "What can I do make you trust me again?"

"I don't know," Josh sighed, tugging at his hair. "You have this power over me that I cannot fight. You make me so fucking weak, Genny. If you were anyone else I would've run out on you by now. I would not have given you a second chance and I truly believe that, but here you are. The love of my life, my first love and I cannot stay away from you."

"I can't keep living my life trying to impress you and make sure you know that I'm serious about us being together," Genny stated, wiping away tears on her face. "You either accept what I did and we move on, or-"

"Or what?" Josh asked angrily, looking at her now. He was glaring at her. He hoped she could feel absolutely everything hurtful that he was feeling. He was getting that feeling of betrayal and abandonment again.

"You tell me, Josh!" Genny ordered. "I can't keep guessing at what you want! You have to tell me! You either are able to forgive me or you aren't. There's no more grace period. This is do or die time. You either can work this out with me or you leave me. I can't keep fighting you and trying to convince you of how sorry I am."

"How do I know that you won't do it again, huh?" Josh asked. "How do I know that when it gets tough again, because it will, that you won't leave me again? I cannot marry you when I have that thought running through my mind."

"You just have to trust me," Genny whispered, reaching for his hands. "You have to trust that my experience in treatment changed me. I was at a loss, Josh. I couldn't go on and I made a decision. I made a decision that may have hurt you, but I thought would benefit us both. I made a decision in hopes that you and I would move passed all the negativity and get married, start our lives together. Perhaps I didn't go about my decision the right way, but no matter how I did it I was going to go to treatment."

"Now you can either choose to accept that, or you can leave me. But I won't be put down any longer for my decision," Genny continued, gaining confidence. "You've made me feel so bad about a decision to better myself because it made you feel better. It made you feel like I was this horrible person for leaving and not telling you where I was. I didn't owe you anything, Josh. I still don't, but I'm here trying to patch this up because I love you and want to spend my life with you. If you can put this behind you then we can go ahead with our lives and remember this as a step stone in our relationship."

Josh pondered. Could he ever really, truly forgive Genny for leaving? Could he ever really move passed it all and have a relationship with her, or would he always have her leaving him in the back of his mind? He didn't know. He didn't know how to know.

A part of him told him to leave because that was the easiest way to avoid a broken heart. The only way for him to avoid having his very soul shattered again would be to walk away and start over again.

Another part of him told him to stay and fight for her. They'd made it this far, why should he give up now? He obviously loved her if he was still here. He could've walked away years ago, he could've walked away and never come back after she had left. He could've denied her any contact with him when she got back from treatment, but he didn't. He let her back in even though he had vowed not to.

Josh knew that any words he picked out wouldn't be enough. Nothing he would say could possibly emphasize what he felt in his heart. Instead he grabbed her by the side of the neck and pulled her close. He pressed his lips hard against her's, hoping with everything he had that it would say everything.

"I will stay with you and forget this all," Josh began, panting.

"Josh," Genny sighed happily, her hands in his hair.

"On one condition," Josh continued, holding up his index finger.