Ivory Tower

Genny wanted to start up their engagement again. Josh was terrified. It wasn't because that he didn't want to get married to her, he did. He just took her breakdown as a sign that they had been moving too fast. He was aware that her breakdown was because of her father's death, but they wouldn't have broken off the engagement just like that. They had been moving too fast and it was all too much for her. Josh didn't want her to be overwhelmed again.

"You don't want to marry me," Genny muttered, turning and walking back towards their apartment.

"No! Genny, I do." Josh called, running after her. "I do want to marry you. I just think we shouldn't make any rash decisions right now. You've been so good lately and I don't want the stress of this to toss you back into the way you were."

Silence.

"I just think that maybe we should keep things the way they are for a bit," Josh shrugged. "We should let ourselves ease into an engagement. What's the rush?"

"You don't get it," Genny replied, shaking her head and walking up the stairs to their apartment.

"Help me get it," Josh begged, following her.

"I feel great!" She stated loudly. "I feel the best I've felt in a long time and I want to celebrate that with you!"

"Then let's go on a trip somewhere!" Josh suggested. "Why does it have to be marriage? Genny, I love you and I want this. I just can't marry you right now. I can't marry you because I'm scared of losing you again."

"What do you mean 'again'? You didn't lose me," Genny scoffed, turning and looking at him.

"I did," Josh nodded. "You completely shut me out. You refused to speak to me, you didn't want to go anywhere with me. I lost you, and I'm not ready to face that again."

"I lost my father!" Genny shouted. "Like a crazy person I was grieving over my father's death."

"You wouldn't let me help you," Josh muttered, looking at his shoes. "You wouldn't let me make you better, or even try to. I know that I can't fill that void in your heart your dad left, but you didn't even let me try. You pushed me away! It was just like having a roommate instead of a girlfriend for a long time!"

Josh knew he'd gone too far. Bringing her father's death into the situation was a bad idea, but that was the reason the engagement was cut off.

Josh had felt really disconnected to Genny after her father died. She barely said a word for three months after her father died. Most of her communication was done through head shaking or head nodding. He had tried so hard to be involved in her grieving process, but she refused. She would lock herself in the "tower".

"Fuck you," Genny glared, and brushed passed him. Josh grabbed her arm before she could shut herself in a room and refuse to come out. He gently, ever so gently, pressed her against a wall and held her arms to her sides.

"I love you," He muttered, kissing all over her face. "I love you so much, and this isn't about not loving you. I'm just not ready to be hurt again. You hurt me. I know that you were grieving and you needed time on your own, but you cut me off and it destroyed me."

"It got to a point where I never thought you'd get better," Josh continued. He knew what he was going to say would hurt her, but she had to know.

"Don't say that," Genny replied, shaking her head.

"I really did think that," Josh nodded. "I- I thought about leaving you, but I realized that it wouldn't solve anything. It just got to a point where I felt useless to you and it would be better if I had left. I was just so scared of what you'd do."

"Of what I'd do?" Genny scoffed. "You thought I'd kill myself or something?"

Josh was silent this time. It was true, he had thought she'd try to hurt herself. She was in that bad of shape. He didn't stay because he thought she'd hurt herself, he stayed because he loved her.

"Yes," Josh nodded. "You were catatonic, Genny! I was terrified to be more than five feet away from you!"

"Is that why you've stayed? Afraid I'll snap again, Franceschi?" Genny glared.

"No," Josh replied confidently. "I stayed because I love you and the idea of being with someone else broke me. I was already broken when you cut me out of your life, but I couldn't deal with losing you. In any way."

Genny stared up at him and grabbed his face, kissing him forcefully. In that moment she hated him and loved at the same time. Josh held his balance against the wall behind her with his left hand, keeping him up.

"We need time to get back to how we were, Genny." Josh stated, out of breath and lips swollen. "It won't happen overnight and I don't think marriage will get us there any quicker. We've suffered a lot, we need to fix us."

"I'm ready for that," Genny nodded, her hands in his hair. "I'm so sorry about what I put you through, Josh."

"Don't be," Josh sighed. "It was a low blow. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"I wish you had told me before," Genny whispered.

"I know," Josh nodded. "You were doing so good for so long, I didn't want to ruin it."

Josh pulled her close before lifting her up carrying her to their bedroom. He laid her on the bed and laid on top of her. He rested his head on her chest, listening to her quick heartbeat. He knew they had a long way to go until they would be "good" again. Josh was willing to do whatever it took. He loved Genny, broken or not.