Status: Gettin' it a started
These Are Their Songs
V - Jenny
Looking at Liam, Jenny knew she couldn’t make a full sentence. She stuttered out a few words like “go” “gotta” “leave” “sorry” and a load of other gibberish words that even she couldn’t understand. Breathing heavily, she dashes out of the store, hat long forgotten, and is racing to her car a block or so down.
Everything is blurring together as she starts the car. Everything seems foggy as she drives down to David’s place. Everything finally seems to be where it could stop.
Jenny wishes she could turn the world backwards. Turn it back to just over two years ago.
She hadn’t been unhappy at all. No. She was never unhappy when she was with Louis. The breakup was stupid. But she knew she couldn’t undo what she had done. Jenny thought he had moved on. That he was happy, despite his letters, which she hadn’t seemed to have been receiving as of late. Jenny had hoped that she hadn’t crushed him like she had crushed herself.
But she had.
Her bracelet slides down her wrist as she grips the wheel tightly. The light flashes red.
Tears obscure the light flashing from red to green, but she can still make out the colour change. So many mistakes. Stupid mistakes that were all her fault, yet she felt that she had no power over her own actions anymore, that she was just going along with what life handed her.
Jenny was sick of rolling with the punches and decided to make a few of her own for the first time in a while. All she knew was that she couldn’t handle it anymore. She couldn’t hold her fake feelings for David up any longer. Even if she couldn’t fix the broken feelings for Lou, she wouldn’t be pretending that she didn’t care any longer.
She would be rational this time. That much would be easy. She didn’t have the feelings for David that she did about Louis. Talking it through with David would be much easier than trying to talk it out with Louis. She had been a train wreck long gone at that point.
Before exiting the car in front of the complex, Jenny takes a few cleansing breaths and wipes her eyes. Giving herself a reassuring nod, she opens the door and steps out onto the walk on the side of the street.
I’ll never know why David had such trouble with this lock. I’ve never had a problem with it. Her keys slides in easily, and it turns easily against the gears. David greets her with a smile from the couch, shutting off the tely when he sees her face slightly red and blotchy.
He takes her hands and leads her to the couch to sit. They discuss it for what seems like ages to Jenny. “David, I don’t know how I feel about us anymore. I feel safe here, and loved, of course, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t feel what feel that I should feel.” She’d felt like this for a few months now, but she wanted to want to be with David.
David was healthy. David was good. David was good for her. At the end of the day, she wanted David to be what was best for her, but she knew deep down that there was something not quite clicking in their relationship.
It took some digging of his own before he agreed with her. Maybe it was genuine, maybe it wasn’t, but just because she knew it was for the best, doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.
The next day, as she was walking out of the apartment, she begins to cry again. I possibly could’ve given up the best thing that could have ever happened to me for something that might never happen again. God, I’m stupid.
But she knows that she’s past the point of no return. There was no going back now.
& & & & & &
Corrie’s flat is nice, not extravagant like Louis’ had been, but nice. She’s fairly well off. All courtesy of her grandmum of course. I mean, working at a salon doesn’t exactly get you everything that she has. Corrie was always there for Jenny. She had been the one ready to take Jenny to London to cosmetology school with her when Jenny’s football career went flat.
For the third time in their lives, Jenny and Corrie were living together again. They’ve been the best of friends since ninth year, Corrie’s first year in Basildon.
Jenny is looking out at the city through the window while sitting on the bed in the extra room. Amongst the city lights, the stars shone brightly above. They give her comfort. Always have. Her mum always told her that out there in the stars were the people she loved that had died. That they would always there for her, watching over her and protecting her.
Thumbing over the orange ribbon tattooed on her right wrist, she looks out into the stars late at night. Yeah, some hell of a job you’re doing up there.
Everything is blurring together as she starts the car. Everything seems foggy as she drives down to David’s place. Everything finally seems to be where it could stop.
Jenny wishes she could turn the world backwards. Turn it back to just over two years ago.
She hadn’t been unhappy at all. No. She was never unhappy when she was with Louis. The breakup was stupid. But she knew she couldn’t undo what she had done. Jenny thought he had moved on. That he was happy, despite his letters, which she hadn’t seemed to have been receiving as of late. Jenny had hoped that she hadn’t crushed him like she had crushed herself.
But she had.
Her bracelet slides down her wrist as she grips the wheel tightly. The light flashes red.
Tears obscure the light flashing from red to green, but she can still make out the colour change. So many mistakes. Stupid mistakes that were all her fault, yet she felt that she had no power over her own actions anymore, that she was just going along with what life handed her.
Jenny was sick of rolling with the punches and decided to make a few of her own for the first time in a while. All she knew was that she couldn’t handle it anymore. She couldn’t hold her fake feelings for David up any longer. Even if she couldn’t fix the broken feelings for Lou, she wouldn’t be pretending that she didn’t care any longer.
She would be rational this time. That much would be easy. She didn’t have the feelings for David that she did about Louis. Talking it through with David would be much easier than trying to talk it out with Louis. She had been a train wreck long gone at that point.
Before exiting the car in front of the complex, Jenny takes a few cleansing breaths and wipes her eyes. Giving herself a reassuring nod, she opens the door and steps out onto the walk on the side of the street.
I’ll never know why David had such trouble with this lock. I’ve never had a problem with it. Her keys slides in easily, and it turns easily against the gears. David greets her with a smile from the couch, shutting off the tely when he sees her face slightly red and blotchy.
He takes her hands and leads her to the couch to sit. They discuss it for what seems like ages to Jenny. “David, I don’t know how I feel about us anymore. I feel safe here, and loved, of course, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t feel what feel that I should feel.” She’d felt like this for a few months now, but she wanted to want to be with David.
David was healthy. David was good. David was good for her. At the end of the day, she wanted David to be what was best for her, but she knew deep down that there was something not quite clicking in their relationship.
It took some digging of his own before he agreed with her. Maybe it was genuine, maybe it wasn’t, but just because she knew it was for the best, doesn’t mean that it didn’t hurt.
The next day, as she was walking out of the apartment, she begins to cry again. I possibly could’ve given up the best thing that could have ever happened to me for something that might never happen again. God, I’m stupid.
But she knows that she’s past the point of no return. There was no going back now.
& & & & & &
Corrie’s flat is nice, not extravagant like Louis’ had been, but nice. She’s fairly well off. All courtesy of her grandmum of course. I mean, working at a salon doesn’t exactly get you everything that she has. Corrie was always there for Jenny. She had been the one ready to take Jenny to London to cosmetology school with her when Jenny’s football career went flat.
For the third time in their lives, Jenny and Corrie were living together again. They’ve been the best of friends since ninth year, Corrie’s first year in Basildon.
Jenny is looking out at the city through the window while sitting on the bed in the extra room. Amongst the city lights, the stars shone brightly above. They give her comfort. Always have. Her mum always told her that out there in the stars were the people she loved that had died. That they would always there for her, watching over her and protecting her.
Thumbing over the orange ribbon tattooed on her right wrist, she looks out into the stars late at night. Yeah, some hell of a job you’re doing up there.