Carry You

“That will teach those fuckers to mess with us, right Cooch?” The loud sounds of Ryane Clowe shouting next to him made Logan wince involuntarily, making his already hurting jaw ache even more. He reached up to place a hand on his jaw, as if it could magically make it feel better, and shot Ryane a small smile. Shaking his head at the concerned look Ryane gave him, he moved about the locker room trying to ignore the announcement buzzing around him that the press were coming soon. He pulled his jersey off with a sigh, tossing it into his bag and reaching for his shirt hanging in front of him. He closed his eyes as he was pulling it on, trying to not show in his expressions how sore and tired he actually was from the game. His shoulder, still injured from earlier in the season, ached more than usual after the hit he took from Mike Richards and he skated more than he was expecting that night.

McLellan’s voice rang out as he announced the five-minute deadline to press over the loud excitement of beating their rivals in the last game of the short series that ended their regular season. He heard someone shout about being excited and some laughs through out the room, but the air around him hung thickly. Antti made an offhanded comment about just wanting to get home and Logan laughed a bit at it, though it was lost to the cheers over on the other side of the room. He pulled his hat on, tipping it up as he sat down to take off his skates. The press entered finally a few moments later and the buzz surrounded Boyle on the other side of the room as he scored the game winner. Logan looked around at his teammates, noting that each one was buzzing with energy while he couldn’t seem to find that strength.

Quietly, he grabbed his things and slipped out the locker room door. Burns followed along, slinging his own bag up over his shoulder with a small wince, “Heading out man?”

“Yeah, just really tired after this series you know?”

“That was a pretty big hit earlier, I almost went after Richards myself honestly…”

“I’m good man, they got what they deserved. Even if it means we’re getting put against the Blues.”

“Yeah,” Burns sighed loudly, letting it echo through the hallway as they made their way out to their own cars. “Wingels got hurt, I’m pretty sure I pulled something, and you got a nice check into the glass and bench the last two nights. Lets hope we don’t wind up broken as a whole, eh?”

“Yeah man, we can only hope,” Logan laughed it off, saying his goodbyes quickly as he rushed away to his car. Getting in and slamming the door shut, he scrambled to pull his phone out of his bag and get it turned on. Cursing at how slow iPhones actually were when it came to starting up, he started his car and turned the radio down low as Drake came on from his iPod that he left docked during the game. He heard the text chime going off and before he could even think to read it, the phone began ringing loudly. 11pm, on schedule. He hurried to answer it, smiling at the soft and familiar voice on the other end, “Please tell me you’re okay. You didn’t reply like you usually do and that hit scared me.”

“Juli, I’m fine…”

“Don’t lie to me Logan, I can tell in your tone you’re not. Are you coming here during the break before playoffs?”

“I can’t,” Logan frowned, looking into his rearview as Joe and Ryane passed by his car chatting loud enough that he even could hear with all his windows rolled up. He let go a breath he had been holding, sinking down in his seat a bit as he ran a hand over his face, “I wish I could, you know that more than anyone, but I have so much practice already scheduled there’s just no way.”

“I still hate that you had to get picked for California, you know that right?”

“I know.”

“I hate California. It’s stupid with it’s stupid palm trees and stupid nice weather.”

“Well the Bay Area isn’t exactly nice…”

“It’s has you there still though.”

“It’s way better than Canada, don’t start on me,” Logan laughed a little, smiling as he looked down at his lap, “I miss you Julianne.”

“You too Lo,” Julianne laughed, though there was a bitter undertone in it, “More than you can understand.”

“I have to get going though, I need to drive home and ice my entire body…”

“You sure you’re okay?”

“I’ll be okay. It’s the NHL, not the NBA. We get up after we fall down. Especially the San Jose Sharks.”

“You’re just saying that because you are a Shark.”

“I never said I wasn’t biased. I miss you Juls.”

“You too Cooch. See you soon I hope…”

She hung up her phone before Logan could respond, making the man groan and gently rest his head on his steering wheel. Collecting himself, he quickly threw the car into reserve and started his journey back home across the city, ready to just crawl into bed and forget the rest of the world existed for a moment.



Logan pulled into his parking space as slowly as possible. He all but crawled out of his car, locking it and setting the alarm without a second glance. Nodding to the building’s doorman instead of his usual pleasant exchange, Logan walked with slumped shoulders and a silent demeanor back to his apartment. Once he finally managed to reach the door and get it open, he dropped his bag in the entry hall without a second glance and made his way into his bathroom. As quick as he could, he took a shower and washed off the sweat from earlier that still remained. After getting out, he moved about the apartment setting up for the morning as he simultaneously brushed his teeth in a leisurely fashion. Once finally finished, a good ten minutes after getting out of his shower, Logan drug himself into his room and collapsed into bed, setting his phone on his side table on silent so he could sleep off his pain as much as possible.

He knew without even having to get it checked that his shoulder was still injured from earlier in the season. He knew it wasn’t doing well and that eventually, he would need a surgery on it, but he couldn’t bare to think about leaving his team behind when they were heading into the playoffs. But Logan really could not bring himself to focus on his shoulder when the rest of his body was screaming for the last two games. After being shoved into the bench the night before and hitting his jaw on the way down, the forceful hit from behind by Richards into the glass that night didn’t help it at all.

To avoid thinking about the pain he had been experiencing, Logan thought back to when he played in the juniors back in Ottawa and when he met Julianne.

Julianne Young was the woman he always wished he could have but never believed he would be able to get. She was tall and a bit curvy, which was new for Logan as most women he had known in the past had been short and small. Julianne had known him since they were thirteen, but she was so quick to write him off that Logan never believed he would have a chance. That’s just how Julianne was though. She was quick and witty with her sarcasm, a trait Logan loved about her. She always had a sarcastic and slightly cynical remark ready for everyone she spoke with.

Julianne looked different than what Logan was used to seeing around the team dinners as well. While his teammates tended to date bleach blonde, tan, and girly women, Logan enjoyed that he could spot Julianne in the sea of them. She was tall on her own, not needing heals like the others chose to wear and never really wearing them anyways. Julianne was a typical tomboy. She wore jeans and a t-shirt most days, stealing Logan’s jackets and hoodies for when the winter came around. She was usually in her Philadelphia Flyers gear, as she would always support them even with Logan on the Sharks. Sure, she owned one of his jerseys to support him, but she wore her Jagr and Talbot jerseys without even blinking an eye through the Shark's hallways and locker room to prove her loyalty and embarrass Logan.

When they first met, she chose to ignore Logan with his nervous nature and quick to speak habits. He followed her around, asking her if she liked to go out and what she liked in general, but got nothing but bitter sarcasm in return. For three years he said hello to her every morning when he passed by her as they were leaving their houses until she finally decided to ask him out on a date on her own. She was typically the one to initiate everything for them, despite what Logan liked to claim with his teammates. She asked him to be in a relationship with her when they graduated. She convinced him to continue on with hockey when his parents were weary with it. She was his support and his place to go to keep sane when life got too crazy.

That was why, more than anything, Logan hated being in San Jose, being in California in general even, without her. With a deep sigh, Logan curled up tighter into his bed sheets and quickly fell asleep despite all the pain he was experiencing and the deep longing for home that called to him.



Logan woke up the next morning to the sounds of a soft jazz music coming from the kitchen area of his apartment. He sat up slowly, looking around his room in confusion. He heard a familiar laughter, confusing him even more as it was a male’s voice he recognized. He forced himself out of bed, groaning in pain as he shuffled over to his walk-in closet. Quickly pulling on some old gym shorts and a hoodie, Logan made his way into the kitchen without hesitation. At the sound of laughter again, he rolled his eyes and continued through the apartment as he shouted out in a groggy voice, “Clowe, I don’t know who let you in my apartment but I swear to god…”

“Now now, don’t hate Ryane because he knows how to answer his phone when you won’t.”

At her voice, Logan jogged the rest of the way into the kitchen and into the waiting arms of Julianne. He held her close, smiling into her shoulder as he took in a deep breath and let it go slowly. She hid her face in the curve of his neck, smiling even though she knew he could feel her crying too. Ryane excused himself as loudly as he could, making the excuse of being disgusted by them and needing to get away as he left, and Logan was never more grateful. He pulled back slowly as he heard the door shut, leaning in to kiss Julianne breathlessly. Once he managed to calm down and pull away, he rested his forehead against hers and held her around the waist still, swaying slowly to the sound of Frank Sinatra coming from the record player she forced him to buy specifically for her to use when she visited.

Julianne smiled at him, her arms hanging loosely around his neck as they stood there swaying gently with the music, “I missed you. I booked this two months ago, under the impression that win or lose you’d want me here, and I tried to call this morning…”

“Sorry. Sorry, I needed to sleep so bad though so I silenced the phone…”

“Lo, shhh, it’s okay,” Julianne laughed quietly at him, her voice reduced to a soft-spoken manor she only ever used in private with him. It lacked the usual sarcasm that dripped from her every word and instead showed only compassion and concern, which Logan needed more than anything at that point. Julianne reached up, placing a hand on his cheek as she smiled at him, “I know, okay? I know. I could tell last night you didn't feel right. I knew you needed me, that is why I was so glad I already had this flight. I wanted to tell you but I planned to cab here and surprise you, only to find out SJC has no such thing for some stupid reason.”

“I know,” Logan rolled his eyes as he smiled at Julianne again, “I am aware you hate San Jose.”

“I hate it on principle, it stole you.”

“Juli,” Logan sighed, shaking his head as he leaned in to kiss her again, “Come back to bed with me. I literally ache everywhere and have to be back at practice in three days so I plan to spend them with you as much as I can, while still being able to rest as much as possible.”

“I’m sleeping in my Jagr jersey and you can’t complain about it today. They need me.”

“I need you,” Logan whined, kissing her cheek before he stepped back and began to lead her back to his room, “But, I guess I have to understand. What about when we played them? You rooted for me, yeah?”

“I rooted for you to play well, but for them to win. You know better.”

“You are impossible.”

“And you love me for it,” Julianne smiled up at him playfully, kissing his jaw before climbing into his bed, “Well, are you coming?”

“Yeah give me a second,” Logan moved to pull off his hoodie, wincing in pain as he did. He dropped it to the side, sucking in a sharp breath as another stab of pain hit him. Julianne noticed, frowning at him as he climbed into bed.

She gently pushed at him, making him lay on his stomach for a moment. Gently, she crawled over so that she was sitting on his thighs and began to massage his back and neck. Knowing his one shoulder was hurt, she focused on the other and began to gently rub at the knots she felt underneath in the muscles. Logan laid there, silent sans for the deep and soft breathing he was doing as his body finally began to feel like it was loosening up. Julianne hummed an old Beatles song as she worked at his knots, moving through the entire back before focusing on his neck. She saw the hits he took the last few nights. She knew exactly what happened in the games and exactly where he needed the attention. Continuing to hum "When I'm Sixty-Four", Julianne worked at each core muscle until she felt it loosen up and become warm once again.

By the time she was beginning to finish, Logan was so deeply relaxed and on the verge of sleep that his entire body felt new and rejuvenated. Julianne finished up, kissing the nape of his neck before climbing off of him. She scooted as close as possible, waiting for him to lift his arm before she curled up under it and pressed against him. Before both of them managed to slip into sleep, she mumbled just quiet enough that Logan could still barely hear it, “I’m going to kill that Richards fucker on the Flyers-West for hitting you like that...”

Logan snorted out in laughter, kissing her forehead as he pulled her closer to him. That was why he loved her and that was enough for him. Julianne was his rock and his saving grace. Just having her there made him feel like he was better and made the thought of getting back on the ice that week more bearable. Though she would never admit it, being in his arms made her feel rejuvenated as well. Just knowing they had each other was all they ever really needed.