Fix Me

“We haven’t been in here in a long time,” Josh murmured in awe as he crawled into the two person tent behind Kali.
Kali giggled. “Yeah, last time we were in here we were passed out drunk, do you remember?”
“Mhm, I remember. Is that what we’re going to do in here now?” Josh asked before lying down and closing his eyes, a ghost of a smirk on his lips.
“Aw, no!” Kali groaned, lightly shoving Josh’s shoulder. “Wake up.”
Just as Kali was sighing in exasperation, Josh reached out and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her on top of him. She squealed before laughing at him.
“You’re crazy.” she chuckled, brushing all her hair to the side.
“Mm, only for you.” Josh answered softly. His eyes sparkled at Kali and she leaned down to kiss him.
His arms wrapped around her, holding her close to him again. She could feel his heartbeat spike from beneath her fingers that rested on his chest. The small voice in the back of her mind spoke up, and it wasn’t so small this time. This is what you want, it said, this is who you want.
Slowly, Josh moved so he was hovering above her, and her arms draped themselves around his neck again. He slid his tongue along her lower lip carefully. Kali felt the cool metal ball of his tongue ring and those muscles tightened again in her stomach. She pulled him closer to her to show him she was sure this was exactly what she wanted, and welcomed the fleshy, metal combined sensation of his tongue against hers.
Josh moved his lips down her jaw to her throat, kissing all over her skin. Suddenly a thought struck him, and he paused.
“Kali, I didn’t come prepared for this…” He murmured into her skin with a groan of regret.
Kali bit her lip and thought for a moment. Of course he didn’t come prepared; she hadn’t even known this was something she’d want so badly until a few minutes ago. Those muscles deep in her stomach clenched deliciously again however, and she remembered something.
“Stay here,” she breathed. “I’ll be right back.” She kissed him slowly, passionately. She felt the amazing flick of his tongue ring as it brushed against her lip and she suppressed a sensual giggle. What’s gotten into me? She asked herself. I’ve never felt this way before…
“Hurry back,” Josh smirked dreamily and watched as she disappeared past the rooftop door.
Kali ran as fast as her shaky legs would carry her down the stairs. She skittered into the back room, which looked somewhat like a basic living room, and dug around behind her mom’s desk in the corner. She opened the bottom drawer and found them there, stacked neatly in the corner: a cornucopia of contraception. Her mother was a strong believer of safe sex and sometimes put condoms in a bowl out front for sexually active—or sometimes just curious—teens to take. Kali smirked and laughed at herself. The condoms in the shop had always made her feel awkward and uncomfortable, but now look at her. She was actually going to use one. She grabbed a few and ran back up the stairs to the rooftop. She composed herself quickly, retaining her inner excitement as best as she could and stepped out into the cool, refreshing evening air.
Josh still remained in the tent, lounging and looking…sexy. Kali could hardly believe the things she was thinking, the things she was wanting. He is her best friend and now she wanted nothing more than to share this pivotal moment in her life with him and only him.
Josh raised an eyebrow when she entered the tent and he saw what she held in her hand. “What—?” he began.
“Don’t ask,” She shook her head and thrust the foil wrapped rubbers into his hands, “just use.”
He set them aside for the moment and ran his fingers slowly across her cheekbone and down, tracing her lips. His eyes flickered to hers and she smiled beautifully.
“Are you sure about this, Kali? I mean, I want it just as bad as you do, but I don’t want to push anything too soon…” he said softly.
Kali scooted closer to him, leaning her cheek into his welcomed touch. “I know this seems so…crazy,” She laughed lightly, “but, I do want it. I want you, Joshua Keeler Ramsay. I never realized it before and I feel so stupid for that. But your absence woke me up and made me see all the things I’d ignored for so long. There really isn’t anyone else I can think of that I trust enough for this besides you. I’m sorry for how weird this is, and it likely is too soon, but, I just can’t explain how badly I want to—”
Josh was smiling as she talked and interrupted her with a kiss that sent both their heads reeling. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and looked straight into her eyes.
“I just needed to hear you say it,” he whispered, his eyes glinting warmly.
“Hm…say what?” Kali murmured, her voice crackling. His eyes captivated her, and she felt like she was seeing him for the first time. He was fresh, anew, and he was all she wanted.
He chuckled deeply. “That you want me just as much as I want you, Kali Rose Cooper.”
Josh leaned forwards and kissed her, his lips lingering on hers sweetly. Kali smiled with pleasure at his words and the confirmations they provided. 1) He wanted her. That entailed so many things and Kali almost shivered with excitement at the thought of them all. And 2) Josh was really back for good. Not distant, cold, scary Josh, but her Josh. Weird, goofy, funny, surprisingly perfect Josh, who had been her best friend for all these years. And yes, this was the Josh she wanted forever.
Kali fell back onto the smooth sleeping bag she’d put in the tent earlier. She was still connected to Josh and he leaned down with her, his chest lightly pressing against her own. She ran her fingers through his smooth hair, breathing in the scent she hadn’t smelled in forever. He smelled like him again! No more undertones of cigarettes and pot and sour heroin emitted from his skin. He smelled of warm body spray and…hair dye? Kali had to suppress her giggle. She couldn’t get enough as he pressed closer to her.
Gently, Josh’s tongue brushed with Kali’s, twisting and turning in a butterfly-tempting dance. It all felt so right to both of them, and it was shocking and amazing at the same time. It wasn’t too forced or too hard, it was just…perfect. Slow, precise, and perfect.
One of Josh’s legs moved in between both of Kali’s and rested there. She could feel the pleasant weight of his body on top of hers and one of his hands travelled down her side and rested on her hip. She raised her hip slightly up to his hand and he tightened his grip by the smallest amount.
“I’ve wanted this for so long, Kali…” he breathed as he left a trail of kisses along her jaw line. “I have wanted us for so long.”
“And now you have us,” she whispered in response, “and you have all of me.” She tilted her chin upwards and he kissed down her throat slowly, his breath sending cool shivers down her spine.
Josh pulled back her cardigan a little and she sat up to take it off. He smiled, running his deft fingers down the length of her slender arm and began kissing the base of her throat. He moved to her collarbone and kissed the spot right where it curved upward, in the middle. Her fingers entangled themselves in his hair once more and he dragged his teeth along that same spot ever so gently. Kali moaned softly in response. The feeling she got from that one spot sent an electric current ripping through her body. Josh smiled, knowing he’d found a gold mine of pleasure.
“My turn?” Kali asked breathlessly. Her eyes twinkled at him and she chewed on her lower lip softly.
Josh nodded, and Kali made quick work of removing his shirt and tie. She’d seen Josh shirtless numerous times, but never in a situation like this. He had softly defined abs and the lighting enhanced them. Her eyes traced the subtle V that disappeared behind his pants and her fingers wanted to trace it as well. But she didn’t want this to be like that. Right now she just wanted to kiss him where she could. She held him close to her and kissed his lips, his throat, his jaw and collarbone. His hands explored her back and sides while she did so and she loved it. She was so overtaken with her sudden comprehension of her feelings, and although she knew it was seemingly too soon, she didn’t want to stop.
Slowly she moved herself to sit in his lap, wrapping her legs loosely around his hips. He pulled her closer to him and she could feel him pressing into her skin from under their jeans. It made the moment much clearer and those desire-filled muscles contracted in her tummy again. She kissed his lips once more and his fingers went under her tank top, crawling up her back. Without any further hinting she lifted it over her head and set it aside.
Her long, shiny brown hair cascaded down her shoulders and Josh’s breath caught in his throat. Her skin was like a porcelain doll and she was so perfect. She was perfect and sitting in his lap in her bra and jeans. He couldn’t help his eyes roaming over her delicious form, or his fingers brushing her hair back, or his lips kissing the subtle crease between her breasts. This was everything Josh had ever dreamed of and he could barely contain his excitement and passion. He didn’t want to overstep any boundaries, but he wasn’t too worried that he would. Everything was slow and evenly paced with them. He wasn’t going to f*ck her, she wasn’t a girl that anyone would simply ‘f*ck.’ He was going to make love to her, like she deserved. And he would do it again and again and again without question.
The light kisses on her chest made her quiver and she bit her lip, tightening her legs around him. The pressure of her against his region made him moan through clenched teeth. She truly had no idea what she was capable of doing to him.
“Lie down, gorgeous,” he murmured.
She did as told and he leaned forwards to kiss that spot on her collarbone again. He undid her jeans and slowly pulled them off her hips, down to her thighs, kissing farther and farther down her body as he pulled them off.
When he had them at her ankles he removed them and by then he was kissing her hip bones. His lips brushed against her skin with the pressure of a feather. He kissed across her lower stomach to her other hip bone and nipped it playfully. Again his eyes roamed her body and she was as naked as he’d ever seen her in her underwear. She had a purple and black lace bra on, and small boy shorts to match. That familiar passion squeezed deep inside him. He circled his tongue around the top of her hip bone, knowing she could feel the smooth metal of his tongue ring. She arched her back the smallest bit and chewed her lip. He smirked, loving her reaction.
Josh undid his own jeans and removed them, piling them on top of Kali’s in the corner. He slipped between her legs and she wrapped her arms around his neck again. She was so beautiful, looking up at him with blood in her cheeks and love in her eyes. Her hair flourished around her face on the pillows and she was nothing short of perfect to him.
“Please, Josh,” she whispered ever so quietly, “I want to do this with you. I’ve never felt so sure about anything before.”
Josh grinned, completely pleased and flattered with the opportunity. He’d be taking her virginity and he knew that was a serious matter to her. He couldn’t even explain how blown away he was that she’d chose him to do the honours.
He kissed her once, twice, three times, and whispered in her ear, “I would love to.” His gaze held care and appreciation, and Kali knew he would be gentle with her.
The passion escalated from there, and gentle he was. It hurt at first, but he was slow and patient. Finally it started to feel better and he found an even pace. The sun had set outside the tent and they were bathed in moonlight, their moans escaping their mouths and dying into the night. It was all slow, passionate love between them. It was everything she’d been looking for and everything he’d been longing to deliver. It was a symbol of devotion and a new relationship; she was his and he was hers. There was really nothing else to it anymore. They were bonded on a much deeper level than just friendship now, and when they cried out each other’s names it made it all feel official. They were no longer separated friends, torn apart by drugs and abuses; they were two people who were meant to be and completely were in love with each other.

Josh looked down at Kali’s face on his chest. Her thick eyelashes cast shadows on her porcelain skin and she took his breath away. Carefully, he picked up his tie and slipped it over her head.
Kali made a soft noise and looked down to see Josh’s red tie against the bare skin of her throat and chest. With a grin she looked up into his bright blue eyes. She raised a questioning eyebrow.
“What?” Josh chuckled. “I personally like the knowledge that you’re wearing my tie and nothing else.”
“You would.” Kali rolled her eyes and lightly smacked his chest.
Josh kissed her hair. He still couldn’t believe everything that had happened to him in one day. He’d gotten out of rehab, confessed his feelings to the girl of his dreams and made love to her on the roof of her mother’s café. None of it felt real but he was too scared to pinch himself and find out.
“Tell me about it,” Kali asked softly after a moment, “tell me about rehab.” She flashed her wide green eyes at him.
Josh was silent for a moment, trying to decide how to word his thoughts. There was a lot he could say about rehab; he just didn’t know how to say it.
“It was hell,” he finally answered. “There’s nothing romantic or beautiful about not being able to walk or sleep or see the people you love most anytime you want. I hated it a lot, Kali. But I guess in the end it did its job.”
Kali rested her chin on Josh’s chest. Her heart was breaking at the look of desolation on Josh’s face, but she wanted to know what he’d had to go through. It hurt her too to know the things she wasn’t there to help him through, and she felt like she deserved that pain. She’d been an equally bad friend to him and she had no right to get off with merely a slap on the wrist pain-wise.
“What sorts of things did you do in there?” she asked quietly.
“I had daily sessions with a therapist and group sessions every Tuesday and Thursday with other addicts,” Josh answered, playing with Kali’s hair. “We just talked about our struggles and what drugs did to our lives. At one point we did this exercise where you wrote down all the drugs you’ve ever done and drew circles around them to show how important they are to you. Then you wrote down anything else that was important to you and drew circles around those and compared them to the drugs. I only had two things that were bigger than heroin and one of them was music.”
“What was the other one?”
“You.”
Tears stung Kali’s eyes again at his one soft spoken word. She didn’t know what to say and she knew that even if she did she wouldn’t be able to choke it out anyway.
“At that point I realized I couldn’t do both heroin and music, and I couldn’t be high and have you.” Josh whispered. He saw the tears glimmering in her wide eyes and squeezed her. “Don’t cry, baby.”
Kali reached up and kissed Josh’s face all over. That was all she could do to show him how much she appreciated him and how proud she was. Her tears spilled over but she kissed his lips again and again before hugging him tightly to her.
Josh chuckled and kissed along her shoulder. “I also wrote a bunch of songs, do you wanna see?”
Kali nodded, wiping away the hot tears.
Josh sat up and grabbed his pants, rifling through the pockets for his little notebook. Finally he produced it and handed it to her.
“You don’t have to read them all if you don’t want to, but I do want you to see them.” He lied back down and pulled her into him once again as she opened the book and read through his beautiful lyrics.
Her tears kept falling down silently as she read every word to every song he’d written. She cried through songs about his bulimia, like Skin and Bones, and songs about heroin like Lover Dearest. A certain song entitled Say Anything choked her up the most. There were so many that had her continually tearing up, but not necessarily in a negative sense. Mostly she was crying because the songs were so beautiful and true she could finally see things from Josh’s point of view. When she came across Shake Tramp she couldn’t help but chuckle because she knew who it was about.
“These are amazing songs, Josh,” Kali whispered in awe when she’d finished. “You could make an amazing album out of this material right here.”
“An album? I don’t know…” Josh blushed. It’d been his dream to make music.
“No, you can! Get the boys together, this can be done and you can all do it. You have something special in these pages, Josh Ramsay. Don’t take it for granted.” Kali looked at him with sparkling eyes. Her entire face had lit up in excitement at the idea.
“Now that I have you I feel like I can do anything.” Josh murmured.
“You can! It’ll be tough but I’ll be by your side the whole way. Please say you’ll do it!” Kali bit her lip and grinned at him.
“Are you kidding? Of course. It’ll definitely be hard but you know I’m more than willing to try.” Josh smiled.
“Yes!” Kali leaned forward and kissed him. “I am so proud of you.”
Josh smirked and pushed back a strand of Kali’s hair. “Thank you,” he said.
“For what?”
“For being my best friend for so long, for believing in me, for not completely hating my guts like you should’ve, for being the one to fix me…and thank you for being mine. At least, I hope that’s what you are.” Josh whispered.
Kali smiled warmly. “Honestly, I wouldn’t want to be anything else.” She kissed his nose. “Thank you for opening my eyes. You amaze me.”
“And you amaze me. Especially in that tie.” Josh smirked and kissed her once more.
Kali giggled and shook her head at her best friend turned boyfriend. He is so weird, and he’s mine, she thought proudly. She’d had a large rush of revelations in one night, and it’d all ended in her giving everything up for Josh Ramsay. She realized that even though they’d both been “meanies”, she would never stop being there for him. He was her perfect disaster some days, but he would always be her ever after.
Josh watched as Kali smiled a smile that was meant for him and only him. It wasn’t a plain “ha, ha, you’re funny” smile, it was a beautiful “You make everything easier; I love you” smile. It was everything he’d been wanting and he couldn’t get enough. He finally had the girl of his dreams; his best friend turned girlfriend. He finally had the girl that had been the one to fix him in the end.