Just Give Up

Don't ask me what I was thinking, because I wasn't thinking at all when I did this.

I just leaned in and hoped for the best. Her lips felt velvety soft against mine. A lot softer than I actually thought they'd be. I was waiting for her to push me off of her. To slap me. To scream. To do something. But she wasn't doing anything. What the hell was I thinking?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10..

I silently counted the seconds off in my head, closing my eyes. I didn't want to see her reaction. Just when I was about to pull away, I felt pressure on my lips. She was actually kissing me back. We sat there, lips to lips for a few more seconds.. Time felt as if it had slowed down just for us. We broke apart moments after, catching our breaths.

I opened my eyes to look at her, noticing that her cheeks were a bright shade of red. "Ren-" I was about to say but was cut off by the sound of Francis' hand knocking on the door.

"Lunch is ready," He said, no hint of surprise was evident in his voice.

It was my turn to blush, the heat creeping up my neck and onto my cheeks. I looked away from Francis, turning back to Renee. She had on the same expression I did-surprised and caught off guard. I thought he'd be shocked by the way we were positioned on her bed. I was straddling her hips, looming over her, our faces inches apart. He didn't say a thing.

"We'll be there in a second," Renee mumbled a reply, pushing me off of her.

I fell onto the ground, but I wasn't complaining how hurt I was like before. I got off, dusting myself. And just like that, Francis walked away. What should I say now?

Renee stretched before getting up, leaving her sheets in a messy pile, walking right by me as if I didn't exist, making her way into her walk-in closet. I looked at Renee, confused. Was she pretending as If the kiss never happened?

"Hey-" I started, but I was cut off, yet again.

She spun on her heels to face me, looking as if she were ready to burst out in anger.

"Look, whatever happened back there," she paused for a quick moment, looking back at her bed before continuing, "Just forget it."

"Forget it? What do you mean by forget it?" I raised my voice to match hers.

I tried to take a step forward, but she shut the door closed to her walk-in closet. "Pretend it never happened, Zayn." She said more calmly.

I could hear her scrambling around, inside. Pulling clothes off hangers, drawers being pulled open, pushed shut, clothes tossed. I even heard what sounded like something ripping.

"Why?! What for?" I argued, knocking on the door.

"Because that didn't mean anything." I heard her muffled voice through the door.

I stopped myself from knocking on the door again. Nothing? What did she mean by nothing? We kissed, for lord's sake, and she was telling me to forget it? I couldn't. Something was happening. I was feeling something. And it wasn't hate, I could tell you that for sure. But it didn't feel like love either. It felt different.

This is so confusing.



What the hell was I thinking, kissing him back? We had only known each other for almost two days, and we already kissed? He wasn't even my friend, much less my boyfriend. I was glad that Francis intervened.

I got up, feeling awkward and rushed to my walk-in closet. I didn't want him to see my face. All red and puffy and ew.

"Hey-" he tried to say, but I cut him off, turning to look at him.

"Look, whatever happened back there," i faltered for a second, thinking of how his lips felt against mine. Soft. "Just forget it."

"Forget it? What do you mean by forget it?" He yelled back at me.

I winced at the volume of his voice. "Pretend it never happened, Zayn."

I closed the door before he could take another step. I didn't want to argue. I didn't want to talk about our stupid kiss. I ripped off my favorite baggy gray sweater off a hanger, tossing my red shirt and swapped it for a black tank top. Shimming out of my gray skinny jeans, I replace them with white shorts, the high-waist kind. I slam the drawer closed in anger. In confusion.

How am I going to last another twelve hours at home with him around?

While I was doing all this, Zayn continued to try and keep the argument going, banging on my door heavily. "Why?! What for?"

I bit my lip, What do I say now? "Because that didn't mean anything."

I felt my heart sink as I said this. I didn't know why, but it felt weird. I had never felt this way before, besides being scolded by my father. I tied my hair up in a messy bun before finally opening the door. Zayn was right in front of me, looking down with his cute, brown eyes. A pleading look on his face.

"Let's go." I muttered, pushing past him, speed-walking out the room and towards the dining room.

I could hear his footsteps behind me, echoing with every stride he took. It was an awkward walk. I wished my house wasn't so big, so we wouldn't have to spend so much time in silence. When we got there, Francis had the food, plates and drinks ready on the far side of the big mahogany table my father used for big parties. Awkward enough, he put our place mats parallel to each other. So we'd have to face each other while eating. Perfect.

We took our seats, eating in silence. Ever so often, I looked back to see him either looking at his food, or turning away quickly, catching his eyes on me for a split second. Something about him made me feel uncomfortable. Was he upset? I frowned at my food, losing my appetite.

By our second plate, Nina, one of the maids and Francis came back to take away the food we didn't eat, offering us juice.

"I'll have a glass of water," I heard Zayn mumble under his breath.

"Same for me." I answered when Nina asked me as well.

I put my spoon and fork down with a clatter. I had enough of this stupid game. Eating in silence. One moment we were arguing, and the other, we were laughing our heads off. Now it was plain quiet. And I didn't like that.

"Zayn, I just don't want to talk about it right now..okay? My head still hurts from yesterday," I tried to lie, but for some reason I wasn't into it. I could lie perfectly well all the other times, but today was different. It was obvious.

"Don't explain yourself." Was his cold reply.

I could have continued to argue him, but I chose not to, holding down on my tongue. I was about to shove a spoonful of potato salad in my mouth when my Father walked in, Francis rushing in behind him.

"S-s-sir." Francis stuttered, trying to hinder him.

"Leave." He simply replied before turning back to face me. "May I have a word with you? Zayn? Renee?"

Zayn got up as soon as he saw my father walk in, the sound of his fork falling echoed throughout the room. I could feel my gut starting to twist and turn, tightening inside me. What was this all about? He disappears for two days, and all of a sudden marches in demanding we talk?

"About?" I challenged him.

"Your most recent trip to the mall," His cold eyes, piercing through me. "With Zayn."

Uh Oh.