The Ballad of Hua Mulan

“Mulan, are you Ok?” Chi asked me that night as I stared at the rice in my bowl, picking at it with my chopsticks.

“Yeah, why?” I asked absentmindedly.

“Cause you haven’t touched your rice and everyone’s already ate and went to bed,” Chi said. I looked up and realized he was right. How had I not noticed that? I sighed as I tossed my chopsticks aside and took a sip of my tea.

“Chi, what are we going to do?” I asked. It wasn’t often I asked my little brother for advice, but I was all out of options.

“Mulan, there’s nothing we can do. You heard father!” he reminded me.

“Chi, there’s always a way. There has to be!”

He let out a sigh as he stood up from the table. “Mulan, sometimes you just have to accept the fact that no matter what you do, things will happen that you can’t stop.” For an eight year old he had a lot of wisdom, but I refused to accept the idea that there was nothing to do but sit back and wait for father to ride off to his certain death in a matter of days. I watched Chi walk down the hall to his bedroom, then got up myself and threw out the rice; I wasn’t hungry anymore.

I turned down the hall to go to my room when I passed my parents room and stopped for a second. I saw my mother lifting hot stones with a pair of tongs from the hearth in their room and putting them on my father’s back as he groaned in pain.

“I don’t know which hurts more: the stiffness or the stones on my back,” he said with clenched teeth. My mother bit down on her lip and I could tell she was trying to hold back tears.

I stood there, my mind whirling, and I finally realized what father was trying to hide from me. He could beat me in a sword fight, but only if the fight was short. He could expend a lot of energy at once, but afterwards it was like he had been drained of all his energy. After that he was left like a hollow shell, which blows away when a strong gust of wind comes along. He could win a short fight, but in the army you have to keep fighting, perhaps for hours upon end. Father wouldn’t-no, couldn’t-do that. He might last the first few days, but what about after a week or two? He wouldn’t have a nice, comfy bed and hot coals to relieve the pain. And the next day he would have to get up and move with the swiftness and quickness of the last day. Father just couldn’t do that. I, on the other hand, would be able to do that. I may not win every sword fight, but at least I had the stamina to endure a longer lasting duel.

I took a few steps back and stood right outside there doorway so they couldn’t see me. I wasn’t one to eavesdrop, but this was important.

“I love our daughter Mulan dearly, but maybe she’s right. Maybe she could stand a better chance-”

“No, Lifen! I will not put our daughter in danger. Besides, I can go into the army, I fought in the war twenty years ago!” my father argued, interrupting her.

“Yes, but after a mere sword fight with Mulan you can barely move!” Lifen protested, then she let out a sigh. “Han, I love you, and I just don’t want to lose yo-” she started to say, but father interrupted her once again.

“Lifen,” he began in a soft tone, “there are some things a man is willing to die for. The safety and well-being of his family and country are one of them. It’s not an easy decision to make, but I know that if I happen to die in battle, and as I’m lying there, dying, I’ll look back and think of the family I gave my life to protect; the country I died for, and I won’t have any regrets…that’s how you know when you’ve made the right decision: no matter what the outcome of your decision, whether it turned out how you wanted it to or not, you didn’t regret it.”



The next day I woke up with tired eyes. I’d barely slept with all the worries and frustrations of the previous day keeping my mind awake. I trudged into the main room and saw my family seated around the table, drinking their morning cup of tea, as always. The pounding of rain against the roof was loud, but the silence in the room felt louder. Lihua looked up from her tea and her eyes widened in surprise.

“Mulan! You look a fright!” she exclaimed, and I narrowed my eyes at her.

“You don’t look much better,” I retorted.

“Girls!” my mother chastised, sending us both a cold stare. I walked over to the table and silently took my seat besides my mother. She poured me a cup of tea and silence took over the room once again. I took it and as I looked up I noticed father was missing.

“Where is father?” I asked.

“He has a small chill,” my mother replied. Lihua looked up with a worried expression on her face.

“Will he be alright?” we both asked at the same time.

“Yes, it’s just a minor cough. He will still be joining us when the matchmaker comes today,” mother answered. I looked up in surprise when mother said this. I totally forgot the matchmaker was coming to visit my sister today.

“Mulan, the matchmaker is coming today,” my mother reminded me, sending my sister a small smile. “This is very important for your sister’s future happiness, so please do not distract the matchmaker. We will be meeting in the family room, so I need you and your brother to stay out of the way. You need to entertain him, play a game perhaps, in your room while we discuss marriage with the matchmaker.”

“Yes, mother,” I said obediently before taking a sip of my tea. “May I go to the market before she comes? I should get some medicine for father, just in case it turns into something worse.”

“In this terrible weather?” mother asked, concern evident in her voice.

“I will bring my cloak to protect me from the rain,” I said with a shrug. Mother let out a sigh.

“Alright, but don’t stay out too long in the rain. I don’t want you catching anything,” she said. After I drank all my tea I went to my room to fetch my cloak and some coins, then set out in the rain to the market. As I walked along I counted the money I’d brought. I had about twenty-five coins.

Medicine for father would cost about one or two, depending on the current demand for it. That left about twenty-four to twenty-three coins left. Yes, that would be enough. As soon as I got to the market I went to the medicine woman and asked for a remedy for a cough.

“Who is sick?” she asked worriedly. She was an old friend of the family. She and my mother used to play together when they were younger, and although they didn’t see each other as often anymore they were still good friends.

“My father,” I answered her before handing her one coin. She took it and gave me the small sack of herbs and roots. I tied them to a belt I brought with me around my waist, then set off for the livestock. I walked up to a man who was selling a young mare at a good price.

“Eighteen coins for this fine horse!” he called out, and smiled when I walked up to him. “Would you like to buy this horse?”

“Has she been ridden and broken in properly?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“Has she been known to buck or not follow commands?” It was always good to ask, some people tried to cheat people out of money for horses that were unruly and rebellious.

“No, she has a good temperament and follows any command given to her,” he answered. It seemed a little too good to be true.

“Is there anything wrong with her?” I asked bluntly. No one would sell a perfect horse for only eighteen coins.

“Well, she has a habit of biting when provoked, and she’s easily spooked by snakes,” he admitted. Ah, so that was why she was so cheap. Well, she sounded good enough and I didn’t see anyone else at the market selling horses on this rainy day.

“Alright, here’s the eighteen coins,” I said, counting them out and handing them to him. He smiled and walked away. I looked to my left and saw a man selling bridles and saddles. I walked over to him with my new horse in tow.

“How much for a bridle and saddle?” I asked.

“Hmmm…well, if you’re willing to buy them together I guess I could let them go for eight coins,” he said. My face fell.

“I only have six, sir,” I said.

“Well then you don’t have a saddle and bridle,” he said with no emotion.

“Please, sir, this is for my father-” I pleaded, but he cut me off.

“And who is your father? What makes him so important that he thinks he can get this fine equipment for less than everyone else?” he sneered.

“Han Hua,” I said, and the man’s face softened.

“Han…” he said, getting a distant look in his face, “He saved my life when we fought in the war twenty years ago. I owe him everything…” A second later he cleared his throat and pulled the bridle and saddle down from the shelf.

“Alright. For your father I will, but only this once, young lady,” he said, handing me the equipment.

I thanked him profusely after handing him the money. I wrapped my cloak around the equipment, not wanting it to get wet, and started home with all the stuff I’d bought. It was a good thing I’d been saving money since I was a small girl for a time when I would need it desperately.

I led my horse home and peeked through the gate, checking to see if anyone was outside. Although, with the rain steadily pouring I doubted they would even want to be out in such weather. I noticed an expensive looking chariot out in the front yard, with a cover over it and two men sitting inside, just talking to each other. It must be the matchmaker’s. They would be in the family room, talking to her, so it would be safe to walk in the front entrance after I finished putting my horse away.

I slowly crept along the wall all the way to the barn. I knew mother and father wouldn’t be using it today, so it would be safe to hide my horse and gear for the day. I laid the gear on a shelf along the wall while I led my horse to an empty stall and dried her before brushing out all the tangles in her mane and fur. When she was situated in her temporary home I picked up my cloak and dried my own hair before trying my best to look halfway decent before I walked inside. I wrapped my cloak around me and breathed in the faint scent of leather and fresh rainwater. I walked inside and immediately froze in my tracks. The matchmaker and my parents and sister were seated around the table, each with a cup of tea in their hand.

“I am so sorry, I though you would be in the family room. I-uh…I’ll go now,” I said. Hopefully my parents wouldn’t be too upset.

“Oh my…” the matchmaker said, her eyes scanning me. I cringed. I knew I looked terrible, but she didn’t need to say anything about it. She turned to my parents. “Is this your other daughter you told me about? She is very beautiful!”

This took me by surprise. Beautiful? Me? Especially in the state I was in? The matchmaker must have seen my expression, because she quickly added, “Of course you could use some washing up and scrubbing down.”

“Oh…” I didn’t know how to respond to that. “Thank you.” She took up and walked over to me, circling around me like a vulture circles it’s prey before going in for the kill.

“Wide, clear eyes…full lips…a thin waistline…wide, childbearing hips…she looks very fit and in good health, along with a pretty face,” she said to my parents. “I would dare to say you’re one of the most beautiful girls I’ve seen in my forty years as a matchmaker!”

“Why thank you,” my shocked mother replied.

“She will be easy to find a husband for. She’s the kind of girl men look for when they come to me. In fact, I could find her a husband within a month or two. The earlier a young woman gets married, the better; that’s my motto as a matchmaker.”

A cry escaped my sisters lips and I turned to see her eyes welling up with tears. A look of shame suddenly passed the matchmakers face.

“Of course I will be able to find a respectable husband for you too, my dear,” she said softly, but a tear still slipped down my sister’s cheek. I immediately felt terrible. I should have peeked in to check and make sure no one was in the eating room, instead of just barging in like I did.

I looked at my sister’s tear streaked face and back at the matchmakers beaming smile at me.

Somehow I’d messed everything up…again.



“Lihua, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were going to be in the eating room,” I explained through my sisters locked door.

“Just leave me alone!” she cried from the inside. “All my life I’ve been second to you! You were always better at archery and the sword, and now everyone says you’re prettier than me! For once I was the center of attention and you had to came in and steal it away from me, just like always!” I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. What did she mean she was the center of attention ‘for once.’ Father always gave us equal attention, and so did mother. Of course, when Chi was born he got a little more, but that was expected because he was their only male child.

“I’m never the center of attention either, Lihua!” I pleaded with her. “What are you talking about?”

“You honestly don’t see it?” she said coldly. “Even when we were younger you got all the attention. Father spent all his time teaching you archery and sword techniques. You were his favorite child, and even mother liked you more! Then Chi came I became even less favored. This was my one moment to make them proud, and you ruined it! You ruin everything! Why can’t you just get out of my life?! I hate you!” That comment stung like an iron rod that had just been pulled out of a blazing fire. Lihua and I never agreed on much, but we always stuck up for each other. For her to say she hated me was the ultimate disgrace. I’d lost a sister and a friend, all in one. How long had she felt this way? I knew father and mother loved us all equally, how could she say otherwise?

“Lihua…” I began softly. “That’s not true. You are very much loved by the whole family, especially mother and father. And I hope one day you’ll come to realize that and forgive me for any unintentional harm I caused you.” I didn’t hear a reply for a couple minutes so I walked away. As I passed Chi’s room I saw the candle in his room go out. As I walked past my mother and father’s room and was surprised to see their room still lit up, and even more surprising was they were sitting on their bed, like they were waiting for me to come.

“Mulan, we need to speak to you,” mother said, standing up. She led me over to the bed where father was propped up. He held a rag in his hand, occasionally coughing into it.

“Mulan, we need to talk to you about what happened earlier today with the matchmaker…” she began.

“Mother, I am sorry. I didn’t know you were in the eating room and I would just as soon avoiding walking in if I had known-” I began to apologize but mother held up a hand.

“I wanted to tell you that it is not your fault. We said we would be in another room, there was no way you could have known. I want to assure you that none of this is your fault…” she said. “We know how upset Lihua is and we don’t want her to make you feel like this is your fault and that you ruined her chance of getting married. We talked to the matchmaker after you two left and she will still be able to find Lihua a good husband.”

“Thank you…” I said, but the frown remained on my face, “but it doesn’t change anything. Lihua still hates me! She said so herself…”

“She will get over her anger in time,” father said from the bed. “That is all we needed to discuss with you. You may go to bed now.” I nodded and walked to my room down the hall. When I slid the door shut behind me I felt my eyes filling up with tears. I was certain of my decision now. I had to leave. Even before I bought the horse, bridle and saddle I’d been having doubts, but Lihua confirmed my decision to leave. Father would be safe, and Lihua would be happy without me there. All I did was mess things up, and this was my one and only chance to make things right.



I waited for the candle to go out in my parents room, then I waited for about an hour before getting up. Everyone would be asleep by now, and even if they weren’t, they wouldn’t hear my moving around the house. I was good at being as silent as a cat. I lit a small candle and tried to conceal some of the light with my hand. I crept over to my door and silently slid it open. As I stepped outside I closed it behind me before turning around.

I suddenly saw someone in front of me. I almost cried out as my hand flew to my chest before I realized who it was. I was so startled by his appearance that I almost dropped my candle.

“What are you doing, Mulan?” he whispered as he rubbed his sleepy eyes.

“Nothing, just go back to sleep, Chi,” I told him, putting one hand on his back and guiding him back to his room. Just as we got to his door he turned around with a wide-eyed expression on his face.

“Mulan, you’re not going to-” I cut him off, already knowing what he was going to say.

“What other choice do I have?” I snapped.

“But you can’t! You gave your word to father, and if they find out that you’re a girl-” Once again, I knew what he was going to say, but I just couldn’t bear to hear it said aloud.

“Yes, I know.”

Chi had a determined look on his face as he said, “But you’ll die, Mulan.”

“Well what else am I supposed to do? Let father go? We both know how sick he is, he wouldn’t last a minute in training or in battle. At least if I go I have a fair chance!” I explained to him my reasoning, but the determined look on his face didn’t disappear. I sighed, knowing he would be difficult to convince.

“Do you want father to die?” I asked softly. A pained look came over his face as he shook his head.

“Of course not, but I don’t want to lose you either,” he whispered, looking down at his feet. I put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“If you help me then maybe you won’t have too.”

Chi looked back up at me with a new determination. “What can I do?”



I silently walked into my father and mother’s room. I quietly opened the cabinet door and slipped my father’s armor out, carrying it, and his sword, out into the main hall where Chi was waiting for me. He helped me carry the armor outside where I started to put it on. As I secured the armor I handed Chi a small dagger I found in the cabinet where my father’s armor was.

“Cut my hair while I make sure my armor is on properly,” I instructed him. “And make sure it’s even.”

As I double checked to make sure my armor was secure I felt the blade lightly on my neck, then a slicing sound filled the air. I heard my hair fall to the ground with a soft plop and my head suddenly felt lighter than ever before.

“It’s done,” Chi said flatly. As soon as I was sure my armor was secured I turned around and placed a hand on Chi’s shoulder. His watery eyes turned upward to look at me.

“Everything will be Ok, I promise,” I lied as I pulled him into a hug. I had no idea how this would turn out. All I knew was that I stood more of a chance fighting for my family than my father did, and death from being discovered was just a risk I had to be willing to take. My family was the most important thing right now, my own life meant little to me when it came to my family’s well-being.

“I’ll be back as soon as we defeat the Rouran’s,” I said with a smile, pulling back so I could look at Chi face-to-face one last time.

“But what if-” he started to say, but I quickly slapped my hand over his mouth.

“No, Chi. We have to think positive. We have to be strong-you have to be strong for the sake of father and mother,” I explained quickly before pulling away my hand and standing up. I looked towards the horizon and saw the sun just barely poking up from the plains near our house.

“I have to leave now, ok?” I said, finally turning to look at my little brother. He nodded as he took a step back. I reached forward and ruffled his hair, something that usually made him smile, but this time had no effect.

“I’ll see you soon, Chi. Just be strong.” I climbed onto my horse and tapped his side’s with my heels. “Let’s go, girl.”

I rode off with the early morning sunshine on my back, warming me as I rode towards the training camp. Please don’t let me be discovered, I prayed.