Status: We'll see
Devil in the Details
003
New York City.
Brendon is so very excited, crawling all over Jon and calling out again and again 'New York, Jon, it's New York!'. Sarah is laughing, dressed in one of Brendon's old t-shirts and stroking out her messed up hair. Ryan finds it ironic that the t-shirt she's wearing used to be his, and that is used to be Ryan sharing a bunk with Brendon, and the whole situation is just pulsating with fucking irony.
What mostly gets him, though, is that he gave that t-shirt to Brendon on Panic!'s first tour ever. He'd said 'you look better in it than I do' and Brendon had smiled that smile and Ryan had thought that meant maybe. It didn't, though, so Ryan ruined everything and almost himself till they picked him back up again.
Ryan wishes they had just left him to die.
Jon finally pushes Brendon off and Brendon effortlessly bounds back to Sarah. It's a little painful how well Jon has integrated back into the band again; Ryan knows he's sharing music ideas with Spencer and Brendon after shows. He's seen the music sheets scattered in Jon's bunk and he's heard the murmured voices that stop when he walks into a room.
He's not welcome, here, but he'll cling on because it's all he's got left.
"You've been to New York a million times, Bren." comments Spence lazily, raising an eyebrow and looking up from the kitchen where he's cleaning a coffee mug. The man in question cracks a smile and Sarah does the same, running her hand down his arm and forming a word silently with her mouth. Sarah smiles like Sarah doesn't care.
And that's it.
Ryan stands up, and things go a little too quiet as he slips to the bunks, leaving the breakfast he hasn't even touched behind. There's a lot of moments like that, now. It makes him sad, like an ocean is spilling from it's boundaries and seeping deep into his veins. It's not depression, or anxiety or angst.
He's just sad.
Really sad.
Brendon is so very excited, crawling all over Jon and calling out again and again 'New York, Jon, it's New York!'. Sarah is laughing, dressed in one of Brendon's old t-shirts and stroking out her messed up hair. Ryan finds it ironic that the t-shirt she's wearing used to be his, and that is used to be Ryan sharing a bunk with Brendon, and the whole situation is just pulsating with fucking irony.
What mostly gets him, though, is that he gave that t-shirt to Brendon on Panic!'s first tour ever. He'd said 'you look better in it than I do' and Brendon had smiled that smile and Ryan had thought that meant maybe. It didn't, though, so Ryan ruined everything and almost himself till they picked him back up again.
Ryan wishes they had just left him to die.
Jon finally pushes Brendon off and Brendon effortlessly bounds back to Sarah. It's a little painful how well Jon has integrated back into the band again; Ryan knows he's sharing music ideas with Spencer and Brendon after shows. He's seen the music sheets scattered in Jon's bunk and he's heard the murmured voices that stop when he walks into a room.
He's not welcome, here, but he'll cling on because it's all he's got left.
"You've been to New York a million times, Bren." comments Spence lazily, raising an eyebrow and looking up from the kitchen where he's cleaning a coffee mug. The man in question cracks a smile and Sarah does the same, running her hand down his arm and forming a word silently with her mouth. Sarah smiles like Sarah doesn't care.
And that's it.
Ryan stands up, and things go a little too quiet as he slips to the bunks, leaving the breakfast he hasn't even touched behind. There's a lot of moments like that, now. It makes him sad, like an ocean is spilling from it's boundaries and seeping deep into his veins. It's not depression, or anxiety or angst.
He's just sad.
Really sad.