Clumsy Little Heart

“Don’t you think it’s weird that Martin dropped out of college and came here to live with his uncle?”

Zack rolls his eyes. “Are you really trying to start this conversation again?”

John shrugs his shoulders, eyes focused on the flat screen TV in his living room. “Dude I’m just asking…I’m not sure if you’ve really got the full story about that. You don’t just ‘drop out’ for no reason.”

“He told me college wasn’t for him,” Zack tells him, and he’s starting to get really sick of having to defend Martin to John all the time. Sure, the whole situation is a bit weird – Zack’s not so sure if he believes the ‘college wasn’t my thing’ excuse – but it’s not any of John’s business and he really needs to step back and realize that. “Maybe he’s embarrassed that he didn’t finish and just doesn’t like talking about it. Either way, it’s not your business and I’m not going to force him to tell me something when we probably won’t even be together for more than another month.”

It hurts saying it out loud. Zack tries to avoid it as much as possible. He and Martin don’t talk about it and he doesn’t talk to his parents about it and just. He hates it. He loves Martin. He knows he does. And it’s only going to hurt so much more when he leaves for school and leaves Martin behind.

Martin doesn’t seem to be too concerned about it yet. He’s still upbeat and happy and carefree and going along with the allusion that they’re going to be together for a long time. He’s not stupid – Zack knows he isn’t – he knows it can’t work that way. They can’t work that way. Zack has never believed in long distance and while an hour is might not seem like a long time at all, it is for someone who already doesn’t believe that it could work.

“Wait…what are you saying?” John asks, pausing the movie they’d been watching and turning to face his best friend. “You mean you’re going to dump Martin before we leave for school?”

“I’m not dumping him, John. It’s a mutual thing. It’s just…not going to work. And we know that so why drag it out?”

John looks at him like he’s crazy. There’s no better word for the expression on his face. “Dude! You don’t know that it’s not going to work!”

“Hey, I thought you don’t trust Martin? Why are you defending our relationship all of a sudden?”

“Because you’re happy!” the other boy exclaims, “You’re happy with him! You’re happier than you ever were with Gabe, and sure I don’t exactly trust him but that doesn’t mean I want you to break up with him. I…are you sure that this is a mutual thing? Martin thinks the same thing?”

“Yes,” Zack says quickly, “Of course he does.”

“Has he ever said that?”

No, he hasn’t, Zack realizes, but still. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t think it. “He’s not dumb – he has to know that this isn’t going to work past October, at the most.”

“Just because he might think your relationship is going to last doesn’t mean he’s dumb, Zack. It would just mean that he loves you – that he’s willing to make it work. Dude since when are you such a cold hearted bitch? Is it because of Gabe? Do you-”

“Shut up, John,” Zack snaps, causing his friend to flinch and lean back into the couch. “I don’t believe in long distance. It doesn’t work. So just shut up and mind your business. Okay?”

John still doesn’t look convinced, but he does stay quiet. He glances over at Zack every couple of minutes, clearly still deep in thought over this whole thing. Zack doesn’t understand why he’s being so ridiculous about this. It’s not his relationship – it shouldn’t matter to him at all. Sure, Zack is happy. But just because you’re happy doesn’t mean that it’s meant to stay that way. Right?