Clumsy Little Heart

Zack hasn’t been to many baseball games in his life. Actually, this is the first real one he’s been to. He remembers asking his dad to take him to a game, practically begging him to. But he always said no – that it was a waste of time and money. Why bother paying a ton of money for something you can see from the comfort of your own home on your television screen? It seemed logical at the time. But now, actually sitting in the bleachers of Yankee Stadium, Zack has thrown that logic out. Because this? This is a million times better than watching the game on TV.

“You sure you don’t want anything else? Water? A soda? I can buy you beer – however, if by some twist of bad luck they ask how you got it…I know nothing.”

“You already bought me water,” Zack points out, smiling at Martin beside him as he picks up the water bottle from the floor in front of him. “I’m fine, promise. Stop worrying so much.”

Martin blushes, although that could just be a slight sunburn, Zack notes. They are sitting in the sun, after all. “I’m sorry, I’m just sort of nervous.”

“Why would you be nervous?”

“Because. I want you to have a good time and just…I like you. You know? A lot, actually.” He looks down at his hands and Zack has to resist the urge to kiss him, because he’s adorable and cute and every other word of that sort and Zack can’t think of any other guy he’d want to spend his summer with. Aside from his friends, at least. “It’s funny, because I haven’t liked someone this much in a really long time and I don’t really know what to do so…so sometimes if it seems like I am totally lost and have no idea how to be a good date, that’s because I am totally lost and have no idea how to be a good date. I mean, if you still want to date me after tonight.”

“Of course I’m still going to want to go out with you,” Zack tells him, this time reaching out and taking his hand in his. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m kind of totally crazy about you. And I can promise you that I have no idea what I’m doing either so. We’re in the same boat here.”

Martin grins, “So I guess we just have to figure it out as we go?”

Zack nods, still smiling. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Knowing that Martin is actually shy and nervous about this whole dating thing as well actually makes Zack a little bit more confident, as weird as that sounds. Because Martin admitted he likes Zack a lot and while that should probably make Zack more nervous (because really, when has anything ever gone his way?) it just makes him want to make this work even more. And so what if he’s going to have to step outside his comfort zone and be the more outgoing one? Whatever – he likes Martin. He wants Martin to stick around. At least for the summer.

“So you said you’re enrolled at Pace for the fall, right?” Martin asks during the seventh inning stretch, his voice just loud enough to be heard over the crowd and the announcer talking about the sale on t-shirts. “That’s on Fifth Avenue?”

“Yeah, John and I are registered for the fall there. I’m going for business and a minor in math and John’s going for forensics or something like that.”

“Forensics? Seriously? Dude that’s pretty surprising. I mean, I’ve met John and no offense, he doesn’t seem like the forensics type of guy,” Martin teases, leaning over and bumping his shoulder against Zack’s. “But seriously – that’s awesome. Pace is a really good school.”

Zack nods, “It’s nice. I like the city so it should be fun. And I’ll hopefully be rooming with John so that’ll make it a little better.”

“You honestly don’t sound very thrilled,” Martin says apprehensively, eyeing Zack as if he’s going to get upset at his words.

But Zack knows he’s right – he isn’t thrilled about his future. “Well I guess not…But I don’t really think about it that much. My parents both went to Pace, and they’re both accountants. They want me to keep up the tradition. And Pace is a great school and I know I’ll have fun once I get there so I don’t mind.”

"Sounds like my parents," Martin says, rolling his eyes, "I don't remember if I mentioned this, but I'm from upstate. Oneonta, specifically. And both my parents went to Oneonta State and I followed in their footsteps- for a semester and a half. Then I dropped out and came down here. College was just not my thing. Needless to say, they had a fit and we haven't spoken since."

"All because you left college?"

Martin nods, "All because I left. But anyway, that isn't the point. I just think maybe you should...explore your options, you know? Maybe look into some other schools that interest you."

Zack nods in agreement, but he knows he'll probably never do it. "Yeah, I'll think about it. Thanks."

"No problem," Martin grins, reaching out and squeezing Zack's kneecap. "I'm older, therefore more experienced. I like to think I give pretty decent advice."

"You do."

And Martin's bright smile is all Zack needs to assure him he said the right thing. They settle into a comfortable silence, surrounded by other fans who are thrilled that the home team is winning. Zack's not exactly rooting for either team, but Martin's a really big Yankee fan apparently so he tries to cheer more for them than the opponent.

"Can I ask you something?" He says as the players take the field again.

Martin turns back to him, still smiling, "Sure. What's up?"

"I kind noticed...you don't drink, do you?"

It's clear that he wasn't quite expecting that question, because he kind of hesitates and looks back at the field for a quick second before nodding fast and tilting his head in his own question, "Why?"

"I was just curious," Zack admits. "I noticed at the party and I thought it was weird. I'm used to college people drinking as often as they can, you know?"

"I used to drink, back in college. But not anymore. I don't like the feeling of being drunk too much, honestly."

Martin's answer is pretty much exactly what Zack thought he was going to say. It's kind of refreshing, if he's honest. His friends drink a lot and Gabe drank more than a lot while they were together. It's nice being with someone who isn't going to go out and get wasted just because they can.

"I hope that doesn't make me totally lame," Martin jokes, but Zack can hear the underlying tone that tells him he's actually slightly serious.

"Nah, just makes me like you even more actually."

*

It's while he's waiting on line for soda later in the eighth inning when he comes to a conclusion. Zack shifts anxiously from one foot to the other, contemplating at what point would be the best point to ask Martin to be his boyfriend.

John would kill him if he knew what he was planning right now and Sierra would scoff and tell him he's an idiot - because both of them think he needs to be playing hard to get. But that's clearly not the right way to go about relationships when it comes to Martin. He's already admitted to Zack that he has no idea what he's doing, so why shouldn't Zack try and push them forward a bit? He's almost positive that Martin's gonna say yes. So why not?

Martin is different. Different from everyone he knows, really. John, Sierra, Matt, Alex. Especially Gabe. Gabe was obnoxious and confident and knew exactly what he was doing when it came to sweeping Zack off his feet. But Martin is quiet and reserved and thoughtful and unsure and that makes Zack want to jump into this completely. He's different. Better.

He gets them both sodas and makes his way back to their seats just at the end of the eighth inning. Martin grins when he sits back down and takes one of the sodas from him, leaning over and pecking him on the cheek. He pulls away with red cheeks and a shy smile and Zack laughs. "That was unexpected."

"Just happy to see you."

Zack shakes his head and puts the soda into the cup holder. He's doing this now. He has to or he'll never do it. "So I've been thinking. About us-"

"Is this the part where you tell me you like me but you don't like me like me?" Martin bites his lip and he looks so nervous that Zack almost just leans over and kisses him to get his point across.

"No. The opposite, actually. I uh, was wondering if maybe you'd want to be my boyfriend."

“Wait, really?” Martin spills, eyes wide and voice barely audible over the sound of the crowd suddenly cheering for something happening down on the field. “Really?”

Zack laughs, lifting his hand and nervously running it through his already messy hair. “Yeah. Really.”

“Well – fuck. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I-”

Martin’s smile and the sudden energy from the crowd around them is probably what gives Zack more confidence to take it even further. He shifts closer in his seat, closer towards Martin and reaches up with one hand to cup his face. “I’m gonna kiss you now, if that’s cool.”

“You know, I totally had this plan to go slow with you and see what happens. You’re kind of throwing that whole plan out the window.”

“Do you really care?”

“Not even a little bit.”