Clumsy Little Heart

The end of July brings even warmer weather, and with that warmer weather comes Warped Tour. Zack’s never gone, because John always complains about the heat and Alex has no interest in doing anything more strenuous than casual walking or sex and Matt won’t let Sierra go because it’s too dangerous and he totally doesn’t want to go alone. But this year he has Martin and Martin wants to go and actually bought Zack a ticket so all Zack needs to worry about is convincing his parents he’s not running off to join the circus – which, coincidentally, is currently also going on just across the street from the venue.

“It’s just a concert,” he says in the middle of breakfast that morning. His mom looks concerned and his dad just looks suspicious. He hasn’t been home very much lately and he knows they’re probably just worried about what’s going on in his life and whatnot, but they don’t have to act as though he’s planning on running away and ruining his life. The plan hasn’t changed. He’s leaving for school in a month. That’s always going to happen.

“It’s just that we haven’t seen you very much these last few weeks,” his mom says, concern lacing every word as she sits down at the table across from him. “We’re just wonder what you’re up to all the time. You haven’t been like this since you were dating Gabe…”

Zack kind of figured Gabe would be brought up eventually. “Yeah well. I’m not dating Gabe. But I am dating someone else. I like hanging out with him so I’m with him a lot. But I promise I’m not running away to go and get hitched in Vegas, or whatever other ridiculous idea is running through your head. Okay?”

His mother doesn’t look any less concerned. She takes him in for a few seconds, as if trying to decide what she thinks of his confession. She must buy it, because then she’s smiling and nodding in agreement and looking quite pleased with life all of a sudden. “That’s wonderful to hear, sweetheart.” And then she asks that million dollar question that Zack can in no way afford. “When will we meet him?”

“It’s not that serious,” he says quickly, and the guilt that overcomes him is almost overwhelming. “I mean, it is but…it isn’t?”

He does not need Martin meeting his parents. That’s the very last thing he needs. It’ll make it seem like this relationship is going to outlast the summer, when they both know that it can’t. Plus, Martin’s a pretty outspoken kind of guy. Zack doesn’t even want to know what he’ll say to his parents once he sits down to dinner with them.

“Nonsense,” his mother waves him of, as if he’s just suggested something completely irrational. “Bring him over after you’re done with that concert…For dessert? I’ll bake a cake.”

Of course she will. And there’s no way to get out of this so Zack just shrugs. “I’ll see what he says.”

- - -

Martin says yes. Well, technically he doesn’t. Technically, he smiles and shrugs and blushes and asks Zack what he wants to do about it and says he doesn’t mind either way. But, Zack knows him well enough by know that that behavior really translates to yes, I’d love to meet your parents and eat cake and become best friends with them. So Zack is a little dramatic. Sue him.

“It’s totally up to you,” Martin says again as they walk across the parking lot of the venue they’re at. It’s hot and humid and there are girls running around half naked when they really should reconsider putting another t-shirt on or something and the free water tent has seemingly gone missing. At least, it’s proving to be more difficult to find than it should be. But it’s still turning out to be more fun than Zack even thought it’d be.

“I already told her you’re coming,” Zack reminds him, slipping his hand into his as they walk, “It’s just dessert. No big deal. She’ll just be really annoying and ask you lots of questions but whatever. It’ll be over before you know it.”

“You act like this is going to be torture,” Martin laughs, stopping them in front of the Vans merch tent. “It’ll be fun. Maybe eventually you can meet my uncle. And maybe even my parents. Maybe. If they feel like picking up the phone one day.”

He laughs about it, but Zack can tell it hurts him more than he lets on. But Zack doesn’t say anything. He just smiles and nods and hopes that once the summer ends, they’ll split amicably. Because loving someone and having them hate you? Yeah, Zack doesn’t want to have to look forward to that.

Martin tends to spend a lot of money on Zack and sometimes Zack really wants to tell him it’s ridiculous, because a forty dollar sweatshirt? That’s a little bit much, isn’t it? But Martin gets excited about being able to buy his boyfriend things and he picked up extra shifts at work last week just so he could and Zack feels bad telling him to quit it. So he just returns the favor and buys him things too. Warped Tour turns out to be more expensive than he anticipated. But it’s worth it, really.

Taking Back Sunday is the last band to go on that they want to see and they end up spending most o the set making out in the back of the crowd but so does a majority of the rest of the crowd so it’s not that awkward. At least, not to them. They kind of don’t care all that much anyway.

They get sunburned and Martin makes a stop at his CVS on the way home to get free aloe lotion and chocolate chip cookies because apparently, that’s what it takes to recover from sunburns. And he may or may not express how nervous he is about meeting Zack’s parents while they walk back to the car and Zack isn’t so sure if this will turn out okay or not.

Now, it’s after nine and Zack finds himself standing in front of his house with Martin, about to unlock the front door and go inside to introduce him to his parents and really? Isn’t this what he was trying to avoid all this time? But apparently his best efforts weren’t good enough because Martin’s all anxious and nervous and acting like this meeting will actually mean something in the future and his parents are probably on the other side of the door getting ready to meet someone they think their son is totally going to marry one day and – really. Why the hell is Zack the only one trying to keep this relationship an arm’s length away?!

“Ready?” he asks, sticking the key into the lock of his front door, not turning it until he hears Martin’s agreement behind him. “Don’t be nervous.”

He really doesn’t even need to be, because Zack’s parents are both sitting on the living room couch, watching the news and not looking at all ready to meet their son’s new boyfriend and eating cake and interrogating him. They both look up in surprise at their entrance, as though they weren’t even expecting Zack to come home tonight and that makes his blood boil – were they not the ones who suggested this in the first place?

“Oh sweetie, I thought since it was so late that you wouldn’t be back tonight,” his mom says, confirming his suspicions and Zack wants to deck her but he doesn’t because she’s his mom. That’s his only reasoning. He feels Martin close behind him, practically hiding behind him, and he takes his hand and pulls him forward so his parents can actually get a good look at him. They wanted to meet him, so they are. He’s not going to let them make Martin feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in the slightest.

“This is Martin. My boyfriend. Martin, this is my mom and dad.”

They get credit for at least attempting to make up it, introducing themselves and asking Martin questions about him and asking him what it was like growing up upstate and things like that but Zack is still pissed off and he’s totally never bringing Martin back here. Not that he’ll have the chance to. But still. It’s the point.

“What are you going to be doing in the fall, Martin? Working?” Zack’s dad questions and God, here they go again off on a tangent about college and how important it is. Zack just knows it.

Martin presses even closer to Zack on the couch they’re sitting on. “Yeah, I’ll be working. At the shelter still and at CVS probably. Unless I find something better.”

“It’ll be so difficult for you two to see each other as much,” his mom says, frowning and reaching out to pat Zack on the knee. “What with Zack leaving for college in the city and dorming and everything. But I’m sure you two can work that out.”

She sounds so genuine about that that it almost makes Zack vomit. His parents are nice people, yes, but they really don’t care about anything more than Zack going to college and following in their footsteps. They’re very good at covering that up.

Before anyone can get another word about college in, Zack tells his parents they’re going upstairs to watch a movie and he all but drags Martin through the house and up the stairs and doesn’t even bother asking him if he wants a drink or something else polite like that. His mom will yell at him for that later. He knows it.

“Nice room,” Martin says quietly as Zack nudges him through the door. The walls are blue and there are some sports posters up but that’s about it. His computer is on his desk on the other side of his room and his bed is pushed up against the wall on the other side. His clothes are scattered everywhere. It’s a boring room. Nothing really nice about it at all.

“It’s alright. Wanna watch Thor? I got it in the mail from Netflix the other day.”

“Yeah, I haven’t seen it yet,” Martin tells him and he sits down on Zack’s bed and he looks so small and nervous and uncomfortable and okay. That totally didn’t go as well as Zack had hoped.

“My parents suck,” He says as he sits down on the bed beside him, pressing the power button on the remote for the TV mounted on the wall. “They’re not very polite.”

Martin laughs, “Better than my parents, I guess. They really weren’t that bad. Just…honest, I guess. I see what you mean about the whole wanting you to go to Pace thing…they don’t seem very open to any other option.”

“They’re not.”

Zack curls up next to Martin and wraps an arm around his waist and hopes that by tomorrow, this whole thing can be forgotten and they’ll go back to just worrying about the end of summer and going their separate ways as easily as possible. But deep down, Zack knows that’s not happening. He knows Martin wants to tell him to tell his parents he doesn’t really want to go to Pace. He wants Zack to speak out and do something for himself. And Zack wants to do that. Really, he does. But he’s afraid. So instead of upsetting his parents and doing his own thing, he’ll upset Martin and lose one of the best things to ever happen to him.