What's a Little Vertigo

"So how long are you home for?" Josh questioned from beside me, as he scribbled lyrics and ideas into his notebook. After hanging out at Josh's house fro a few hours, Matt made the decision to take me home, and Josh wanted to tag along.
"A week," I answered sleepily, burying my face into the pillows that were stacked cleanly on top of my bed. This time-change was kicking my ass.
"So, you'll go to Ange's wedding with me?" I rolled over onto my back and peered into Josh's icy blue eyes. He looked defeated, like he hadn't slept in a month. His already pale skin held a grayish tint and his once full cheeks were beginning to sink. Trying not to frown, I dragged different thought into my already racing mind. He'd tell me if there was a problem…right?
"As a friend?" I asked, stretching my arms above me head. Josh's head bowed slightly, but a small smile appeared on his sunken face.
"Yeah. Mike, Ian and Matt are all going too." This time I clearly frowned. I guess part of me was hoping Josh would see the light and realize we were meant to be together; but I was wrong.
"Okay. I'll go." I told him, using the vibration of my phone to end the conversation. Pulling the small device from my pocket, I smiled.
Ty: Good morning
I glanced up at my nearby alarm clock. It was midnight…meaning it would be 6 a.m. in Tennessee. Tyler must be helping his dad out in the fields this morning. Quickly, I typed a few letters into the keypad, noticing Josh who turned his attention from his notebook to watch me.
Megan: Why are you up so early?
"Why are you so smily?" Josh asked, running a hand through his black and blue hair. When he spoke, I noticed a glint of silver coming from between his teeth. Had he gotten his tongue pierced?
"Just talking to a friend from Chicago." I responded, tossing my phone to the side. "He lives down the hall from me."
Josh's face dropped almost instantly. "Oh." he stated harshly, a scowl playing the bony features on his face. I frowned when he suddenly stood up and exited the room.
"Josh?" I called out softly, hoping I wouldn't wake my brother. Leaping off of my bed, I tip-toed after the boy. I found him standing near the front door, pulling a jacket over his thin arms. "Where are you going?"
"Home." He opened the door, allowing a blast of cold air to dance around my body. I followed him outside, both bothering to close the door behind me.
"Why?" I yelled out, rubbing my arms in quick motions, hoping the friction would keep me warm. Josh stopped dead and turned around slowly. His face was hard and held little expression.
"It's getting late." he said in a cold tone, fire burning in his eyes. HIs fists were clenched, making the skin pull tightly over his knuckles.
"That's never stopped you before." I told him, using his body as a shield against the wind. "So, what's the real issue? What did I say?"
"Nothing," he answered, looking up towards the moon as clouds began to cover the black sky. "I'm just not going to feel played." I raised my eyebrows and looked at him in confusion, his pale skin nearly glowed in the moonlight.
"What are you talking about, Ramsay?"
"I told you to find a better guy in Chicago. But I didn't mean you could string me along for the ride. You can't drag your new boyfriend in my face. It's not going to work like that, Megan." he snapped, venom lacing every word he spoke. What? He couldn't be serious could he?
"I'm not playing anyone, Josh. Tyler is just a friend. I don't see him as a boyfriend." Josh's face softened slightly, but a jealous fire still burned in his eyes. "I told you before, Josh. I want to be with you…and only you. Don't you get that?" The black haired boy took a deep breath and uncurled his fingers. He peered over my shoulder, towards my house; the door still open, swinging with the breeze. "Can you calm down?" I asked, holding my hand out for him to take in his own. He accepted the offer, and let me drag him back towards my house.
We stayed silent until we re-entered my room, taking our previous places on the mattress.
"Why are you so touchy lately?" I questioned, the words barely making in past my lips. Josh took a deep breath, his ribs standing out against his black t-shirt. "Ever since that one day at the mall…" I murmured, watching my words hit him like a ton of bricks.
"Can you stop bringing that up?" he growled, throwing a heavy fist against my mattress. "Seriously, just stop.
"Josh…" I began softly, only for him to interrupt me.
"You need to just let that go!"
"Okay…okay, Josh. It's done, alright? I won't talk about it anymore. Just don't get upset" I exclaimed in a whisper, only for him to look at me in question. I placed my hand on his cheek and ran it along the length of his body, across his neck, down his chest and over his stomach. Josh's breath faltered for a brief moment when my cool hand touched a sliver of skin exposed right above his belt. Taking the hem of his shirt in my hand, I lifted the black fabric away from his body. He looked scrawny and emaciated, his skin was stretched over his ribs, and I could bet money that I would be able to see the vertebra running down his back. "Oh, Josh." I breathed out dragging my fingers across his soft skin. I turned away briefly, blinking away the tears that blurred my vision. 'Don't cry, Megan.' I told myself. 'This is about him, not you. Love him through it.'
"Have you been purging?" I questioned, hoping my voice didn't come out in an accusing way. I let his shirt fall back into place, covering the skin and bones that made up his body. Why did this sweet boy, always get the short end of the stick?
'No." He responded quickly, his blue eyes glowing with sincerity. "I…I just haven't been very hungry."
"Josh, you need to eat." I plead, watching as Josh bowed his head, ashamed.
"I will Megan. I just got stressed…and…I guess I let things go too far." His voice was raspy, and his body shook. "That's why I tried telling myself I couldn't be with you, Megan. I love you so much…but…I knew that you'd be disgusted once you saw the true…troubled me." I shook my head at his logic, trying to understand his thought process. I wasn't disgusted…I was far from it. Everyday I admired this man for his strength; he had just lost his way. Placing hand on both sides of Josh's face, I forced him to look me in the eyes.
"Joshua, you did nothing wrong." I lectured, trying to help him see the light…trying to push back the thoughts that were literally eating him alive. "You aren't disgusting…you're stronger than most people in the world. You just need help." I paused, letting him absorb my words. "You don't have to be with me…hell, you don't even have to be my friend. But you aren't doing yourself any favors by starving your body." I released his face, and quietly got off of my bed. Josh's eyes followed me in question. "You sleep here tonight, okay? Just think about stuff and try to work things out. I'll bunk with Matt." Josh frowned, but reluctantly agreed as I walked over the hall into my brothers room, shivering when I heard Josh wail from behind me. I hated leaving him in this state, but deep down I knew it was for the best. He needed to be alone, to figure things out for himself, before anyone else even attempted at helping him.
Shoving my snoring brother over, I crawled under the covers and hid my face in his pillows. "He needs help." I whispered into Matt's sleepy ear, letting silence envelope the room.
"No, he needs you."