What's a Little Vertigo

The next two weeks had been tolerable until today.

I was beginning to get used to the long silences that I faced on a daily basis; in some ways, I actually looked forward to them. Today however was different. I knew from the moment I crossed through the doors, that something big had happened. The entire senior class was buzzing. I could feel stares on my back when I stood at my locker, and when I walked through the hallway, the other kids would become almost silent. I eventually let my curiosity and frustration get to me, and asked a normally quiet girl in my history class. She explained that Bailey and Gabe had been seen on a date the night before; no one knew that Gabe and I had ended our relationship. I could have thrown-up then and there.
Gabe and Bailey, my ex-boyfriend and ex-bestfriend were dating two weeks after I ended my relationship with the blonde haired boy. Two weeks. I had dated him for two years and all he needed to get over me was two weeks. Obviously I didn't mean a whole lot to him. How could I have been so stupid?
Placing my headphones into my ears, I made my way to the cafeteria, taking me normal seat at the end of the lunch table and pulling my phone from the large front pocket of my hood. The others at the table pretended as if I didn't exist, leaving me to play Pac-Man in silence.
"I didn't even know that you and Megan broke-up. You two seemed so close." a girl named Amy said to Gabe. I automatically shifted my attention to their conversation upon hearing my name. I noticed Gave shrug his shoulders and tap his fingers restlessly against the table.
"What? Was she not putting out or something?" Trevor, a boy with raven colored hair and bright green eyes, asked with a chuckle. Gave laughed and intertwined his fingers with Bailey's.
"Yeah, you could say that." he responded with a beaming, toothy grin.
"You're better off with Bailey, man." Trevor told him. "Megan seemed to be a bit off. She has the appetite of a dude. Total turn-off. I always wondered how she managed to stay as thin as she is."
"Not only that, but she hangs around with that weird kid who dropped out of school four years ago. I heard he is really messed up with drugs and shit. You don't want to be associated with something like that." Lana, a auburn haired girl mentioned.
My stomach dropped and un-fallen tears stung my eyes. Luckily I was able to push them away. Crying would make me seem weak. Crying would let them know that I cared.
Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I returned my attention to the game of Pac-Man, jumping when the cellphone vibrated in my hand. It was a text from Josh.
Josh: Come outside.
I frowned slightly. Didn't he know I was at school?
Megan: It's 11:00 on a Friday morning…I'm at school.
Josh: I happen to be breaking you out.
I was suddenly scared. Why was Josh picking me up from school mid-day? Had something happened to my parents? Was Matt hurt? I honestly couldn't handle anything else going wrong today.
Megan: Give me three minutes.
Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I stood-up quickly, earning a few looks from the kids at my table, and rushed out of the cafeteria towards the doors. I noticed Josh sitting in his car outside, his jacket clad arm hanging out of the window and a cigarette in his hand. Opening the door to his car, I tossed my bag in the back and jumped into the front seat. Josh smiled at me warmly.
"Why are you picking me up from school? Is something wrong?" I asked hurriedly, not even bothering to greet the brown haired boy. Josh looked concerned briefly, but shook it off and laughed as he put his keys in the ignition.
"Why? Does something have to be wrong for me to bust you out of school?" I looked at him curiously as he continued. "No, nothing is wrong. Ian's car broke down, so he hijacked yours. He, your brother, and Mike are at your house watching some baseball game. You and I both know that sports aren't really my thing. So I told Matt that I would pick you up from school."
"Okay, but why so early? And should I trust Ian with my car?"
"It all depends on the day and number of shiny objects that distract him. On a good day, I would trust him. By the way, a normal person wouldn't question it when a guy is nice enough to bail them out of school. But you are always the exception," he said with a chuckle. "When I was at school, Fridays were always pretty relaxed. I thought you might want to hangout or something, instead of sit in a classroom for another three hours." I smiled at him appreciatively.
"Cool, that sounds like fun."
"Good. If you had wanted to go back, I would have admitted you to a Psych Ward. I mean, why would anyone want to give up spending a day with me?" I giggled and rolled my eyes.
"I don't know, what with your glowing personality and godly good looks."
"I knew there was a reason I kept you around, Megs. You've been in my car all of ten minutes, and have already managed to boost my self-esteem." he said with a smirk as we pulled up beside a familiar house. I raised my eyebrows and looked around. Why did he take me here? What the hell was he doing?
"Why are we at Bailey's house? I asked as he took the keys from the ignition and hopped out of the car, waiting for me to slowly follow.
"Who?" he questioned back, confusion etched across his face.
"Bailey, this is her house." I explained, pointing across the street.
"I have no ideas who Bailey is, but we aren't going to her house, we are going to mine. I need to talk to my mom about something before we go anywhere."
"I didn't know you lived so close. Acadia is only a few streets over from Crossley. When I was younger, I used to walk over here almost everyday." Josh smiled in response and began leading us into his house.
"Mom, I'm home!" Josh yelled; and within a few seconds, a woman appeared with a welcoming smile on her face.
"Hi Josh…Oh, you brought a friend over," the woman said warmly.
"Uhh…Yeah, this is Megan, Matt's sister."
"It's nice to meet you." I told the woman shyly.
"Call me Corlynn dear, and it's nice to meet you too. Josh has told me a lot about you." I glanced up at Josh briefly, noticing his pale cheeks turn a light shade of pink. "I can tell you are Matt's sister. You have the same eyes and quiet disposition." I smiled , running a hand through my long brown hair.
"Anyways, changing the subject. I was just stopping by to let you know that Sara called. She's bringing home her boyfriend to meet everyone later on tonight." Josh explained, twirling his keys around his fingers.
"I was beginning to wonder when she would bring him around. Alright, that's fine. Will Megan be joining us?" she questioned flashing another warm smile.
"Oh… Umm… I don't know. It's up to her. Though, I wouldn't really mind having a friend to suffer alongside me." I looked up at him with curious eyes. He was…nervous? His voice was shaking slightly, and he was awkwardly shifting on the balls of his feet.
"I don't think my parents will care. We were going to hangout together anyways, Josh. As long as your mom is okay with it, I'll stay."
"Of course you can stay dear," Corlynn said almost immediately.
"Awesome. Well now that we have that settled, what do you want to do?" Josh asked, rubbing the back of his neck as his mom exited the room. "Mall?"
"Ehhhh… I don't really want to go out again. I sort of want to chill. Movie marathon?" Josh grinned, placing his keys in the pocket of his jeans and throwing his jacket onto the couch.
"Movie marathon it is. I'll go grab snacks, you go pick a movie. They're in my room," he stated, lightly placing a hand on the small of my back and guiding me towards a set of stairs that led into the basement. "The movies are next to the t.v.. I'll be down in a few. And please, no chick-flicks."
"No promises!" I yelled descending down the stairs and flipping a light switch that was on the wall. I gazed around the room. Josh had band posters covering the dark blue walls and a large shelf filled with books, cassette tapes, records, and c.d.'s. A guitar and notebook rested on the bed that was placed in the far right-hand corner of the room.
Not even bothering to look through the stack of movies beside the television, I grabbed the one on the top.
"What did you pick?" I heard Josh ask as he threw everything in his arms onto his grey bedspread.
"I like your room."
"Not exactly the answer I was looking for, but, uhh…thanks." I watched as he moved the guitar and notebook from the bed and gently, almost lovingly, placed them on the floor.
"Here," I said, tossing him the movie.
"The Goonies? Good choice Megs." I plopped onto his bed and leaned against the headboard.
"Your mom won't care if I'm down here will she?" Josh shook his head and sat beside me.
"Nope," he said, popping the p. "I'm twenty years old, so even though I don't act like one, technically I am an adult." he paused for a few seconds, seemingly thinking about something. "Anyways, if I tried anything on you, your brother would chop my dick off." he explained with a chuckle, ripping the bag of chips open and pressing the play button on his remote. "Want some?" he asked, holding the bag out to me. I frowned and looked away as images of the scene in the cafeteria flashed through my memory.
I never really payed attention to what I ate, I haven't had to. But did I really eat like a guy?
"Megs? Are you alright? Did I say something that upset you?" I turned towards him and shook my head with a sigh.
"Really Megan, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing."
"I'm not buying that Megan. Ever since that whole Gabe thing happened, you've been really distant."
"I'm fine Josh, drop it."
"I'm not going to "drop it" until you tell me what's wrong. Please, just talk to me," he said taking my hand into his own.
"Let it go Josh!"
"Megan, please, tell me what's wrong." he almost seemed to be begging now.
"I've already told you, nothing is wrong!"
"That's bullshit, you and I both know it! Do you think I'm that oblivious? I've been living with depression for eight years now. I know when someone is faking happiness, and you my dear, are doing just that. You've been faking smiles left and right for the past two and a half weeks! You may have convinced Matt, but you haven't fooled me. I know you had been crying when you got in my car earlier, and I know everything is NOT alright. Bottling up your emotions is not going to get you anywhere. So just tell me what's bothering you. I can help."
Shoving him away, I leapt off the bed and stormed across the room, pacing back and forth.
"How can you help me Josh? Please enlighten me, because I know for a fact that someone you've been dating for two years hasn't hit you. You've never caught your boyfriend cheating on you with your bestfriend. You've never had all of your friends turn against you at one time. You've never had to watch your ex-boyfriend and ex-bestfriend make goo-goo eyes at each other, two weeks after your relationship ended. You've never had to listen to someone you loved, tell his friends that he doesn't really care about you and the reason you broke up was because you wouldn't "put out" for him. You've never had to watch people repeatedly trash your family and friends in front of your face." Josh looked at me in shock, unsure of what to do.
I sank down onto the floor, letting a harsh sob rip out of my chest, and hot tears streak down my face. "I hate them so much." Josh was beside me within seconds, wrapping his arms underneath my knees and around my back, lifting me from the floor, and carrying me back to where we had both been sitting a few minutes earlier. Sitting down on the bed, he cradled me against his chest and rocked me gently back and forth, allowing me to cry into the crook of his neck and shoulder. "I feel s…so used and al…alone," I cried, desperately clinging to his t-shirt.
"You aren't alone baby girl, I'm right here, I've got you," he said softly, tightening his arms around me. Through blurry eyes, I peered up at him momentarily; a solitary tear rolled down his pale cheek.
That only made me cry harder. "I'm so s…so…sorry," I sobbed, returning to the crook of his neck.
"Shhh…sweetheart, calm down. It's alright. You're fine." I felt him kiss the top of my head. "Shhhh…I'm here baby girl. I'm here. He placed his lips against my temple and began quietly singing into my ear, continuing to rock me.

"So what am I? What am I? So what am I?

And all my, all my faces are Alibis.
This is not the man I hoped to be,
And I'm just trying to stop the bleeding.
I don't know how the words go,
I just started not to say no.

Don't want it, Don't get it,
I know you won't regret it.
Don't surface, Don't surface,
And I feel so damned worthless.
Another day is gone and all my faces are alibis,
All my faces are alibis."

"Please don't leave," I whimpered into his shoulder.
"I'm right here baby girl," he repeated in a murmur. " And I don't plan on going anywhere.