On The Ledge

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
_________________________________

Alot had happened at the wedding. She now knew that her feelings for James were more than just friendly. Mark still had his own place in her head and heart and now James was making his own. There can only be room for one.

Sidney's family had come to visit, but Liv wasn't really up for dinner, so she greeted them for a few minutes and they had all left with Sidney. For once she didn't mind the silence in the house, after the past weekend.

James swam through her head, every little thing and big thing about him.

There was a loud knock on her door which knocked herself out of her thoughts and she stood up, looking out the window. There was no car in the driveway, but the knock came again.

"Who is it?" she asked holding her hand on the lock.

"James"

She opened it quickly and looked up at him. He was still in his outfit from when he dropped her off only hours ago. His hair stuck out in every direction and it almost looked like he'd been crying. She leaned in and could smell the scent of Jack Daniels, she guessed, "Are you drunk?"

He nodded a few times "A little"

"What are you doing here? How did you get here?"

"I walked"

"From your place?"

He nodded and she cleared her throat, "You can come in...I suppose" she was hesitant, especially considering she's never seen him like this. Who knew what he could do...or say.

"Something happen?" she asked shutting the door behind her. He turned around to face her and she kept her hand on the doorknob but leaned against the door. He looked at her, almost desperately and moved a bit closer. She closed her eyes for a minute and inhaled a sharp breath, opening her eyes again, "Did something happen?" she asked again, her voice quieter this time.

"She begged for me back" he said, "She showed up on my doorstep, like I was supposed to just give her another chance"

"You still love her"

He shot her a glare, "No I don't"

"I can see it in your eyes" it hurt for Liv to say it, considering how she felt, but she couldn't ignore what was staring her in the face.

"I wasn't good enough for her" he moved back from her and turned around running a hand through his hair. Every time he did that she nearly lost her composure around him, and this time she barely held herself together. There was that pang of butterflies in her stomach and she sighed.

"I wasn't good enough for him"

"How is that even possible?" he asked quickly, "How is someone like you not enough for anyone?" he kept his eyes on her and she blinked a couple times and shook her head, "There's alot about me you don't know"

"Your little nervous quirks? Your perfect blue eyes? The way you hum a little too loudly when you listen to music? And how you do everything possible to protect yourself from getting hurt again, Sidney's the only person you trust"

"Excuse me?" her eyes were wide and she was nervous now. How did he know that?

It was quiet between them for a minute and again he moved closer to her, in fact he was only a few feet away. His eyes drifted from hers and then down to her lips for a second, and the thought of kissing him ran through her mind ten times before his eyes drifted back up to hers again. She wouldn't do that to him, she wouldn't take advantage of him in this state.

"You know I could say the same thing about you" she said just above a whisper, "Your quirky smile, your perfect eyes and the loyalty and love you have for your family. Your passion for hockey and the wall you put up the moment you met me. It's like we were connected somehow"

"Maybe we are"

She shrugged as he moved even closer now, "Maybe..."

"There's a part of me that wishes you were not so sober" his voice was quiet and there was now something different in his eyes, something scary.

"Why?"

"Because this would be alot easier"

"Don't" she said it softly and at this point she could feel his breath on her skin and his hand slowly wrapping around her waist to pull her in.

"Why not?" his voice was now in a low raspy whisper and she didn't have an answer for him, she was too distracted by his mouth grazing her ear and then her neck and then her lips. Her body was about as close to his as it was going to get and although the alcohol on his breath reminded her, his lips against her skin was driving her crazy and she couldn't hold herself in any longer. She turned his head towards her and his lips pressed against hers. Her entire body burned from head to toe and her hand slid around his neck to the back of his head and she ran her hand through his hair. She'd never felt like this when kissing Mark.

Who's Mark?

He pushed her up against the wall and in his state of mind he couldn't wrap his head around what he was doing, but he liked how it felt. He trailed his lips down her neck and a moan escaped her lips while her hands were still tangled in his hair. He couldn't get over the feeling of her skin, her scent, her body and how her hands felt on his skin underneath his shirt.

"James" she stopped him abruptly and for a moment all they could hear was the sound of their heavy breathing. She leaned her head against his and took one long breath.

"Don't stop" he said quietly, "Please"

She sighed, "Believe me, I don't want to, but I really can't do this to you. Not after what happened with her today"

"I want to forget her"

She nodded, "James I know, and I would gladly love to help you forget, but I don't think this is what you want right now" their eyes met for a moment and he loosened his grip.

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because I care about you"

He heard Summer say those words only hours ago and he didn't believe her, but something in Liv's voice when she said it and then in her eyes...

"You care?"

"Of course I do, how else should I feel?" she was confused at his question. Was she supposed to take advantage of him in his state? Was she not supposed to care?

"I don't know" he said shaking his head, "I really don't know anymore"

She smoothed down her shirt and ran a hand through her hair, "Stay tonight" she said, "I don't care if Sidney comes back, you shouldn't be alone tonight"

He looked up at her, "I think that's a good idea"

--

He fell down on the bed next to her, letting out a long sigh. He turned his head and she did too, their eyes locked for a short moment before she looked up at the ceiling, "I'm sorry you had to go through that" Liv said quietly, "I know the scars are still there"

"It's been over a year for you and your scars are still there too"

She shrugged, "Time really doesn't heal, not for me anyways"

"Agreed"

It was quiet again and then Liv soon heard his breathing slow down and she turned over to see he was out cold. She sat up on her side, her head in her hand and kept her eyes on him. He seemed so peaceful when he slept, like everything about Summer was completely forgotten.

Her free hand gently ran through his hair and then down against his cheek. She loved the feel of him underneath her skin. The slight scruff that brushed the side of his face and the soft pale skin where it stopped.

A small smile slowly curved on his lips and she couldn't help but smile. She could only imagine what he was dreaming about in this moment. She pulled away and laid back down, turning her back towards him and doing what she could to fall asleep too.

--

The next morning was rough for Liv. She hadn't gotten much sleep, yet James had passed out not long after he hit the bed. She looked at her phone and it was just after 6am. She watched him sleep and he seemed so peaceful still and she wished it was that easy to sleep at night. Without a few drinks in her.

She sat with her head back against the wall and around 7 she heard James groan and then he turned over looking up at the ceiling. A smile tugged at her lips and she shook her head, "I definitely don't miss that feeling"

"What's that?" he said placing his arm over his eyes to block out the light.

"The burning eyes, the hammer against your head, the feeling like you were just hit by a truck" she laughed a little and one of his eyes peeked out at her, "You're laughing at me?"

She shrugged, "I'm just stating the obvious"

"Was I stupid last night?" he asked.

So he didn't remember?

"Um...you don't remember anything?"

For some reason, he decided to play it off so he wouldn't have to face it. Maybe she would let it go.

"Not alot..."

There was a part of Liv that was disappointed but not surprised. She wanted him to remember what he had said about her, what they almost did but maybe it was best he didn't remember anything.

There was a loud knock on the front door and Liv turned her attention, hoping that it wasn't important and they'd realize people were still asleep, or maybe Sid would answer but the knocking continued. She sighed and stood up putting her hair up in a messy bun and taking a quick look in the mirror, "I'll be back" she said shutting the bedroom door behind her.

The knocking got louder and she groaned, "Holy fuck, relax!" she yelled and opened the door before finding out who it was. There he stood, blonde hair as perfect as it always was, still tanned from the past summer, from wherever he decided to vacation this year. His eyes were tired and desperate and she couldn't even budge.

"Livvy?"

She reacted to his nickname for her and she shook her head, "What are you doing here?"

"You wouldn't answer your phone, I--"

"It's been over a year Mark, move on" although she wished she could take her own advice.

"I've missed you these past few months. Talk to me, just hear me out" it was hard for her to say no to him so she quietly let him in, shutting the door behind her and staying next to it, "Talk" she said.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I was so stupid to let someone else--" she cut him off, "Other girls, you mean? You forget that there was more than one?" she interrupted.

"No Liv, there was never more than one. Only her and you"

She swallowed, "Why am I supposed to believe you?"

He shrugged, "You're not. But why would I come here, now, to beg you to give me another chance?"

"Because you like pulling me in and out, watching me suffer every time"

"I'm not heartless"

"Well you're certainly no fucking saint either!" her voice rose and she heard a door open down the hall in reaction.

"Liv is everything--"

"Who's he?" Mark pointed towards him and you could almost see the jealousy burning in his eyes as his other fist clenched. Liv enjoyed the fact she was pissing him off.

"James" Liv said calmly, "A friend"

"What kind of friend?"

"I don't think you're entitled to a reason. Because you are no longer a part of my life because you chose her over me. You walked away. So if I find someone else, it's your fault" he clenched his jaw tightly and glared at James, "Aren't you the hockey player?" he asked, "The one who came from Dallas?"

James nodded, "Why?"

"James Neal" he said with a chuckle, "I met your girlfriend, nice girl"

James' eyes widened and he nearly pounced before Liv could jump in front of him, "Wait" she said, "Calm down, let him talk"

There was silence in the room for a moment, and he wouldn't say anything, so Liv spoke again.

"You're telling me that his girlfriend is the one you left for?" his voice softened now as he spoke to Liv, as if James wasn't even in the room anymore, "And it was a mistake" he said shaking his head, "I don't--"

"Get out" Liv said firmly, "Just get out"

"Liv, I--"

"Mark, get out!"

He took a step back at the firmness and volume of her voice and slowly turned back and left, shutting the door quietly behind him. Liv looked back at James and he was frozen in shock almost shaking with anger, "James, I'm sorry"

"I think I should go" he said.

She grabbed him by the hand and he stopped, "Don't, please"

He shook his head, "I need to go" she let go of him this time. He slowly walked out of the house and shut the door behind him.

"This can't be happening" Liv mumbled to herself. No wonder they had a connection, the loves of their lives ran away to each other.

This is real.