On The Ledge

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face - Roberta Flack
________________________________

Thoughts ran through James' head as they drove towards the church. Why did everything seem more difficult around her all of a sudden? I know it took some getting used to, but I finally was feeling comfortable and now, not so comfortable...

He kept glancing over at her at stop lights and when she wasn't looking. He'd never seen her like this before, in the short time he's known her. For a jeans and t-shirt girl, she knew how to pull the whole dress thing off. Now I'm finding her attractive?

She looked over at him and he quickly turned his eyes to the road, gripping a bit tighter to the steering wheel. She stared aimlessly out the window of the passenger side for the rest of the drive while he struggled to keep his eyes on the road.

The church wasn't huge, but it was old and white. Almost blinding white in the sun. He hated leaving Liv alone, but he did have to meet with his brother, being the best man.

"I uh--" he paused, "Um...sorry, I have to go"

She nodded, "I understand, I'll see you after the ceremony"

She saw the nervousness in his face and she grabbed his hand, reassuring him, "I'm a big girl, I'll be fine" the touch startled him, it even startled her and they both pulled away quickly, looked in opposite directions and then he walked away.

He felt his hand tingling after her touch and he stretched it out trying to rid the feeling it gave him. There was something there, and he didn't like it.

Liv managed to run into Deborah while she paced around outside, not only her hand but her entire arm tingling from the momentary touch. Deborah smiled gently and stopped Liv in her tracks, "You okay sweetheart?"

Liv nodded, a little nervous that she was completely alone with her, "I'm good"

"Can I speak with you?" she asked.

Liv nodded again, still very nervous.

"I need you to know that after what happened with Summer, I've been very protective of James"

"I understand"

"Then you understand why it might be difficult to let another girl enter his life so quickly, why it might be a bit more difficult to let him go this time"

She made it sound like we were entering into some kind of relationship that I had no awareness of, "We're friends" she replied, "That's it"

She didn't reply, she just smiled and looked at the ground, like she knew something Liv didn't, "I'll see you after the ceremony dear" and then in a quick flash she was off greeting others as everyone entered the church.

Is there something I'm missing--we're missing?

The ceremony was lovely, full of laughter, tears, as a wedding should be. Her eyes stayed glued to James. She's never seen him smile like that, not even on the ice. His entire face sparkled with pride and joy. It was a beautiful sight. She slid her camera up and got snaps of the bride and groom of course but then she couldn't help but get a few of James. She looked down at her pictures, staying on one particular of James. She smiled to herself and then looked up, catching his eye this time. He smiled at her and then gave her a wink, like he knew.

By the time the ceremony was over he forgot the fact that Summer never came. He was almost relieved at that point, knowing there won't be a face to face encounter with Liv, not yet.

Although it's not like it would be a big deal anyways. He wasn't with Liv.

Liv sat with James' family, as the wedding party of course sat together for the reception. She felt nervous still, surrounded by his family without him but he was in her line of sight and he gave her a reassuring look now and then, which he knew she would need until dinner was done.

As the drinks began flowing, the speeches were finished and the traditions were done, it was time to dance and that's when things got hard for Liv.

She'd never had trouble with her cravings before but she was also never in the vicinity of this much alcohol before. Sid rarely kept it in the house, unless his family was coming for dinner, and he kept it well hidden. She started to get a bit overwhelmed.

She looked around the crowds, hoping to find James but she was unable to. She sat down with her head in her hands trying to take a breath until a hand on her shoulder caused her to jump, "You okay?" James asked, "I'm sorry I left you alone so long, I--"

"I can't be here..."

"Why not?" he asked.

"I just--" Liv was grabbed by James' brother Nick and he dragged her onto the dance floor. She was startled for a moment but smiled as he twirled her around. She kept her eyes on James over his shoulder, but the crowd started to pile in as the song turned from upbeat to slow.

"Miss Olivia, it has been an honor, but I believe someone else would like to cut in" she turned around to face James and a small smile appeared on her lips. He put his hand out and she took it as he pulled her in a bit closer to him, "What's going on?" he asked quietly keeping his eyes over her shoulder.

"There's things about me you don't know, and we promised we wouldn't go there" she was nervous now because she knew he wanted to know but she also knew he was a man of his word and he wouldn't dig. Instead, he changed the subject.

"You know I wasn't lying when I said you do look beautiful today" it seemed like it was difficult for him to say and she felt her cheeks heat up, "You seem nervous" she said.

"Your red cheeks make it obvious for you too" her cheeks burned again.

Now it was her turned to ask a question, "What's going on?"

He shrugged without answering her question and then gently shook his head. Now how were they supposed to just pretend nothing was going on when they both knew they had words they needed to say.

"You didn't answer me" she said pulling him back into reality. He shook his head and swallowed hard, "You're not what I was expecting when I went into the locker room two weeks ago"

"And you're not exactly what I was expecting when they gave me that assignment"

The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes...

They kept their eyes on each other for a moment, somehow they were moving a tad closer to each other and James could feel her breath on his lips but he lifted his head, avoiding her eyes and keeping them over her shoulder. Liv cleared her throat and shook her head, "I'm sorry"

She brushed past him and he turned around and watched her leave the room. A hand grabbed his shoulder and his brother Mike faced him, "Is she okay?"

He shook his head, "No. Neither of us are"

He watched her disappear into the crowd and he cut through and followed her. A few minutes later he saw her sitting at one of the tables dressed up with white lace and fancy centerpieces. She was staring down at a glass of what he assumed was alchol but wasn't entirely sure. He sat down across from her and without even looking up she spoke.

"I had a drinking problem after he left" she said keeping her eyes focused on the glass as she swirled it around, "That's why this has been so hard all of a sudden. I haven't touched alcohol in over a year"

"Then maybe you shouldn't now" he said. They said they wouldn't go there. Why is she saying this now?

"Have you ever had rum and coke?" she asked dodging his remark.

"Sure"

"It's what I started with" she replied, "You know she opened the door like she owned the place. In his shirt. And she had no idea who I was. She didn't know he had a girlfriend, sometimes I think he forgot" she shrugged. She kept her eyes on her drink.

"I thought we weren't going to do this"

"You know the hardest part?" she kept ignoring his remarks, which made him a little aggravated but he listened anyways "No matter how bad the pain gets, I can't pick up a drink and drown my sorrows, I can't forget about it for a while. But I bet you can" she said, "You have haven't you?" she looked up at him this time, anticipating an answer.

He looked around like he was hoping someone might come and interrupt but there wasn't a soul, and he had to face the question, "Yes, maybe"

"The day I met you...you didn't do a great job of hiding it"

He shrugged, "I really didn't care what anyone thought at that point"

She looked down at the drink again, and sighed, "I really don't care what anyone thinks right now"

"I'm sorry" he said with a shake of his head.

She smiled a little but kept her eyes down, "Don't be sorry. Please. I'm sorry I ran off, I wish I hadn't"

"It's okay, I understand"

"I really need a drink James" she said, "He's haunting me"

"You don't need it"

"What do I do?"

He shrugged, "You really think I have an answer to that? We're in the same boat right now. We can figure it out"

"You have no idea how good it feels to find someone that understands. Nobody seems to understand"

"Don't take the drink" he said, "You've done so good"

"One drink...that's all" he grabbed her hand and the glass before she could drink, "I told your best friend I'd take care of you. I'm a man of my word" She let her guard down and he grabbed the drink setting it across the table, "It wouldn't have been one drink" she said.

He nodded, "Yes, I know"