Status: Just beginning :)
Cold As You
I loved you first, I loved you first
We were sitting in the hotel lobby, completely hung over. Well, that’s not completely true, I was sure Niall was still drunk. America had been a whirlwind tour which had begun to take its toll on all of us. We were completely exhausted and alcohol while it was technically a depressant managed to give us the energy to stay up and party all night long – with terrible effects the next morning.
We could already hear the screams of thousands of girls outside waiting for us. As much as I appreciated it, sometimes I just couldn’t be bothered and today was one of those days. I stood up as our tour manager walked in “Are we taking the back exit?” I asked grabbing my bag.
“Umm, Louis, can I speak to you”, I followed him into a quieter area of the foyer.
“What’s up mate?”
“It’s Georgiana” he replied.
“Is she coming on tour again? She said nothing about that last night.”
Pauls shook his head “She’s in hospital”
“What? Why?”
“She’s overdosed, she’s in a coma.” Paul kept talking but I couldn’t hear anything except that statement “overdosed” “a coma” over and over again. I rushed out of the hotel, leaving the rest of the boys and straight into a taxi. I tried to stay focused on hoping and praying that she would be fine but I couldn’t help it, it was eating me up inside, was this all my fault. I actually spent more time trying to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault. That last night had nothing to do with her overdose. It was the way we always were together, she’s used to it, and hey, it’s not like she’s an absolute angel either.
“Excuse me sir, please put your seat up into the correct position as we prepare to land.”
Shit, we were almost there. As much as I wanted the flight to be over as fast as possible I wanted to stay up there forever. I wanted to remain high above the city. Ever since we exploded, planes have become somewhat a sanctuary. They were the only place where I was cut off from the pressures of fame. Being in the plane was just like being back home before we became famous. It was quiet, no one bothered me. I could close my eyes tilt my head back and enjoy the solitude that came with being 40 000 feet in the air. But still, being 40 000 feet in the air unfortunately didn’t stop me from feeling.
Deep down, as much as I had been trying to deny it I knew this was all my fault, it had happened because of me and it ate me up inside that this time I had no one else to blame. I was good at that, shifting the blame, always making myself seem like the innocent one, but not this time. Who else could I possibly blame, I was all she had. I knew that, but it didn’t stop me from treating her like absolute shit. Once again a voice inside of me reminds me that she treated me the same way, but I’ve got people to fall back on, I travel around the world with my five best friends and have a rock solid relationship with my family. So did she to a certain extent, they just weren’t the best at keeping in touch. Looking back on it now I am so thankful that I was put into a band, I have no idea how I would be able to handle the fame, the pressure if I was a solo artist.
Georgiana was staying at a private hospital in the middle of London. I was met in the foyer by her father Charles, who explained to me that she was found with a large amount of sleeping pills and alcohol in her system. She had been drinking when she was talking to me. She was found at five thirty this morning by a house maid. They believe she overdosed sometime around eleven, shortly after our “conversation” had ended. They were not sure if it was intentional or not, but I knew. I knew it had to be, Georgiana wasn’t stupid, in fact, I probably wouldn’t have passed my final year if it wasn’t for her help, she knows how potent a mix of alcohol and pills is – she would never had done this by accident.
The rest of the boys soon learnt about the news, the tour was postponed indefinitely and they were on the next plane back to England. Niall and Harry were the two who showed any emotion while Liam and Zayn held up the fort. Niall and Harry were always the more emotional in the group, the first to shed tears at the slightest amount of upsetting news. All the boys were in shock, but they all reacted to the emotion differently, while Niall and Harry readily expressed their grief, Liam sat in a stunned silence, staring blankly at the wall across him.
Zayn on the other hand was curious, why would she do it? Georgiana had everything to live for, the world at her feet as some would say. An international star, poised to break into the US market with her next album, why would she try to give it up? To Zayn she was almost luckier than he was. At least when she performed she was being herself, not controlled by management, when she would break into the American market it would be her, not some figment of a teenage girl’s imagination. It wasn’t like he was complaining, he just would’ve preferred thing to have turned out a little different than they had. He was excited to go home to see his family, even in such grave circumstances.
It’s funny how it takes someone else’s troubles for us to take a cold hard look at ourselves.
We could already hear the screams of thousands of girls outside waiting for us. As much as I appreciated it, sometimes I just couldn’t be bothered and today was one of those days. I stood up as our tour manager walked in “Are we taking the back exit?” I asked grabbing my bag.
“Umm, Louis, can I speak to you”, I followed him into a quieter area of the foyer.
“What’s up mate?”
“It’s Georgiana” he replied.
“Is she coming on tour again? She said nothing about that last night.”
Pauls shook his head “She’s in hospital”
“What? Why?”
“She’s overdosed, she’s in a coma.” Paul kept talking but I couldn’t hear anything except that statement “overdosed” “a coma” over and over again. I rushed out of the hotel, leaving the rest of the boys and straight into a taxi. I tried to stay focused on hoping and praying that she would be fine but I couldn’t help it, it was eating me up inside, was this all my fault. I actually spent more time trying to convince myself that it wasn’t my fault. That last night had nothing to do with her overdose. It was the way we always were together, she’s used to it, and hey, it’s not like she’s an absolute angel either.
“Excuse me sir, please put your seat up into the correct position as we prepare to land.”
Shit, we were almost there. As much as I wanted the flight to be over as fast as possible I wanted to stay up there forever. I wanted to remain high above the city. Ever since we exploded, planes have become somewhat a sanctuary. They were the only place where I was cut off from the pressures of fame. Being in the plane was just like being back home before we became famous. It was quiet, no one bothered me. I could close my eyes tilt my head back and enjoy the solitude that came with being 40 000 feet in the air. But still, being 40 000 feet in the air unfortunately didn’t stop me from feeling.
Deep down, as much as I had been trying to deny it I knew this was all my fault, it had happened because of me and it ate me up inside that this time I had no one else to blame. I was good at that, shifting the blame, always making myself seem like the innocent one, but not this time. Who else could I possibly blame, I was all she had. I knew that, but it didn’t stop me from treating her like absolute shit. Once again a voice inside of me reminds me that she treated me the same way, but I’ve got people to fall back on, I travel around the world with my five best friends and have a rock solid relationship with my family. So did she to a certain extent, they just weren’t the best at keeping in touch. Looking back on it now I am so thankful that I was put into a band, I have no idea how I would be able to handle the fame, the pressure if I was a solo artist.
Georgiana was staying at a private hospital in the middle of London. I was met in the foyer by her father Charles, who explained to me that she was found with a large amount of sleeping pills and alcohol in her system. She had been drinking when she was talking to me. She was found at five thirty this morning by a house maid. They believe she overdosed sometime around eleven, shortly after our “conversation” had ended. They were not sure if it was intentional or not, but I knew. I knew it had to be, Georgiana wasn’t stupid, in fact, I probably wouldn’t have passed my final year if it wasn’t for her help, she knows how potent a mix of alcohol and pills is – she would never had done this by accident.
The rest of the boys soon learnt about the news, the tour was postponed indefinitely and they were on the next plane back to England. Niall and Harry were the two who showed any emotion while Liam and Zayn held up the fort. Niall and Harry were always the more emotional in the group, the first to shed tears at the slightest amount of upsetting news. All the boys were in shock, but they all reacted to the emotion differently, while Niall and Harry readily expressed their grief, Liam sat in a stunned silence, staring blankly at the wall across him.
Zayn on the other hand was curious, why would she do it? Georgiana had everything to live for, the world at her feet as some would say. An international star, poised to break into the US market with her next album, why would she try to give it up? To Zayn she was almost luckier than he was. At least when she performed she was being herself, not controlled by management, when she would break into the American market it would be her, not some figment of a teenage girl’s imagination. It wasn’t like he was complaining, he just would’ve preferred thing to have turned out a little different than they had. He was excited to go home to see his family, even in such grave circumstances.
It’s funny how it takes someone else’s troubles for us to take a cold hard look at ourselves.
♠ ♠ ♠
Hi guys, thank you so much for the great reaction to the first chapter. A special thanks to Minnesota518 and Ayoobeautiful for your lovely comments. This is is the only chapter that will be done from Louis's perspective. Hi hope you have enjoyed it, comments and subscriptions are always appreciated :)