It Feels Like I'm Falling In Love Alone

I couldn't tell him. He hasn't even introduced his girlfriend to us. It would be suspicious. What am I gonna do? Walk up to him and say 'Oh hey Ash, you know that chick you're dating? Yeah, she was hitting on me when I went to Wal Mart this morning. Oh? How did I know about you two? Well I saw you in the park with her.'. No. Not doing it. I'd sound like a creepy stalker.

I let out a sigh as I screwed in the last screw to my door chain. It's not like Ash is ever gonna talk to me again, let alone believe me when I say his girlfriend was hitting on me. I locked the chain into place and laid across my bed again. I need to get out of this fucking house. Maybe make some kind of change.

I liked the thought of change. Change means letting go of past thoughts and feelings. Letting go of Ash and moving on to someone new. I got up from my bed and walked into the bathroom. What could I do to change? Then it hit me. I grabbed a pair of scissors form the drawer and just started to cut at my hair. How short was too short? Don't know unless I just keep going, right?

I didn't stop until the back part of my hair stopped about an inch under my ear. I debated keeping my bangs long on one side, and decided to just leave them for now. I kinda liked it. The whole change thing, but now there's hair all over the floor. Shit.

Slowly I dusted myself off and walked out to the living room. Ashley and CC were sitting in the front playing some stupid video game. It's all C ever wants to do. The only person he can't beat is Jinxx, so he plays against us as practice.

“Have you guys seen the broom?” I asked.

“Why? Did Bruce make anoth- Oh my God! Where's your hair?” CC said turning around and jumping off the back of the couch and running up to me.

“I cut it. Why? Does it look bad?” I asked blushing.

“No. It actually looks good on you. I like it. What about you Ash?” C smiled turning around to face him. Ash turned, looked at me, bit his lip, then smiled. Damn he's so sexy, but why did he bite his lip?

“You look great.” He smiled again.

“Thanks. But I've got hair all over my bathroom floor now. Where's the broom?”

“Ash had it last.” CC said sitting back down.

“Yeah. It's in my room, standing against the wall. You can go grab it.” He said turning around and going back to the game they were playing.

“Oh, OK.” I hesitated walking into Ash's room. I've never been in there before. It's like when you're a kid, and your parents never let you go into their room, then they finally let you in and it's overwhelming. That's how I felt right now. I turned the knob and opened the door slowly. The smell of Ash's cologne filled my nose as I walked in. The walls were a deep shade of red, different from the dark gray of my room, but the black carpet was the same. He had a really big bed. Mine was a queen sized, so his had to be king, maybe bigger. There were red and black cheetah print sheets on it with large pillows. I wonder how soft his bed must be.

The broom was sitting in the farthest corner of the room. I walked over to grab it, but was stopped by the wall. It had one of our posters on it, framed pictures of all of us, me, Jake, Jinxx, Sammi, and CC. I didn't think he would be the type to keep pictures like that. I remember Ash and I being happy together, now every moment I'm with him is a moment of torment and pain that we cant be together.

I let out a sigh and ran my hands through my hair, dropping a few strands.

“Shit.” I mumbled sweeping them under Ash's bed.

“I saw that.” Fuck me! My heart lurched and I quickly turned to face Ashley. He had the cutest smirk on his face.

“H-hey Ash. I uh. Didn't see you there. Well, I'm gonna go now.” I tried to run for the door, but he closed it and leaned against it.

“Oh no. You aren't going anywhere.” He smirked walking over to me. “Andy, can I tell you something?” He asked sitting on his bed. He patted the area next to him. I sat down slowly, his bed was comfortable, still clutching the broom in my hand.

“Listen, Ash, if this is about the hair, I can pick it up. I promise.” He didn't seem at all mad about it. He let out a little chuckle.

“It's not about that, I promise. I just want to tell you a little story, is that OK?” He smiled. His eyes trailed up and down my body before he spoke again, letting his eyes fall into mine. “Andy, I'm gonna tell you the story of little Ashley Purdy.” He let out a slight chuckle. “As a kid, I didn't care about any one or any thing. But then one day, I was walking to the bus stop and I saw a kid, on the bench, freezing his skinny little ass off. I decided, why the hell not, I'll help him out. So I did. I wrapped my arm around him and held him.” He looked down at his hands, then back up to me. I remembered how we met, but I was curious as to what Ash was thinking that day. He went on with his story.

“Well, while I was holding this random kid, who I knew nothing about, I couldn't help but think about him in ways that weren't normal for a boy. Sure he was cute as fuck, and I wanted to kiss and bite at that bottom lip of his, I had a feeling that he wouldn't ever think of me like that. I gave up on him just about as quick as I met him.” My jaw dropped.

“Ash, you know-” He pressed a finger against my lips and started making a shush noise.

“I'm not done yet. Hold on a second.” He smiled stopping. “Anyway. Years passed, and I watched my little stranger boy become my best friend. We did any and everything together. I even wrote a song for him. I stayed over at his house for his 18th birthday. I would leave the bathroom door cracked every time I took a shower because I made up a bogus lie that I was afraid of passing out from steam. I was secretly hoping that he was watching me. I prayed that he would peak in on me and watch me undress. It was an extreme turn on. I peaked on him every time he showered and he looked beautiful naked. I wanted him bad, but I knew he wouldn't want me back.

“During his birthday party, we had all gotten super fucking drunk. I woke up the next morning without my pants or a shirt on, and when I get drunk, I tend to want to hump anything that moves. My immediate thought was to check my phone. When I found it, my background had been changed to a picture of me and my best friend in our underwear, laying, snuggled into each other on his basement couch. After that day, I swore to myself, if I can't have this boy, then I'll never love another guy. I tried what I could to at least get a kiss from him the next day, but he wouldn't. The morning after, I got to hold him again, and I was gonna kiss him, but he pushed me away. I figured he really didn't want me, so I gave up on him. I hurt him that afternoon because I blew off our plans to go see a movie, just so I could date this one chick.

“The date with the girl wasn't all that bad. I lost my virginity that night, but I wasn't thinking about her. I was thinking about my friend. I moaned his name instead of hers.” I had to laugh. I can't believe what he's saying. It could all be some silly little lie. “Not funny Andy. She didn't think it was funny. She hit me for it.” He stopped. “OK, I guess it was a little funny, but I'm trying to be serious.”

“I'm sorry Ashes. Continue.” Fuck. I let the pet name slip, I don't think he'd noticed though.

“Anyway. With the passing years, my best friend had spiraled into a pit of depression, that seemed centered around me. I made terrible mistakes that drove him away. I slept with random women, trying to fill the void of not having him, drank heavily to dull the pain, and I didn't notice that it was all effecting him directly. Until he told me. He told me almost everything I needed to hear. That he actually liked me and the things I did to make him hate me. I felt terrible. I was dating some whore from Wal Mart for a couple of days, found out she was a gold digger, so I broke up with her yesterday.”

“Ash, what's the point in all of this?” I was getting tired of his lying, and it was getting old.

“All I'm saying is that I've found a way to make my best friend forgive me. He told me to love him the same way he loves me. Well I do. I watch his every move when he does come out of his room. I listen to him talk about me in his sleep. I smile at the things he does when he's on stage with our band. I adore him to no end and the only thing I want to do is fuck him senseless and wake up the next morning with him still there. So many girls, who I thought would be the one to turn me off of my friend, who I though was my one, they weren't it. They just got up and left. I was hoping that one of them would stay, but they never did. Then I realized, my best friend was my one. He'd stay because I knew him well, he'd tell me he loved me when he's ready to, he was perfect.” He had a pleading look in his eyes. What he was saying, this could be genuine. “Andy, ever since I've laid eyes on you, you're all I think about. My heart races when you're close to me. It's racing now. Here, feel.”

He took my hand and placed it over his chest. I could feel his heart thumping wildly under my finger tips, his hands had gotten a lot warmer too. He took his other hand and placed it on my cheek, tracing circles with his thumb. I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand.

“You really hurt me.”

“I know. And I'm gonna say I'm sorry one more time, because now I know how to fix all of this.” I opened my eyes and looked deep into his. They were tearing up, he looked so cute. “Baby, lets go out on a date. Tonight. Just you and me, alone together. What do you say?” He called me baby.

“I'd say pinch me, because I'm obviously dreaming.” I smiled.

“I've got something better.” He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine, biting at my lip ring a bit. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into his lap. I dropped the broom I was holding in my other hand and pulled Ash closer to me. I wanted him to be as close as possible, to deepen this kiss as much as possible. I felt as though this whole change thing really is working out for the better, because of everything in my life that I would kill for, one of them was happening. Because I was finally kissing Ashley. My dream come true.

I broke away after a while to catch my breath. “Does this mean I can kiss you whenever I want?” I smiled at him.

“Anytime you want Baby.” He pecked my lips again. “Why don't you go get ready for our date, OK?” he smiled.

“OK Ashes.” I kissed him before I grabbed the broom and left. I made my way to my room, closed the door and leaned against it. I liked the change. It got me a date and a make out session with my Ashes. This is all way too good to be true.