The Wrong Type of Love

She held me for a long time before finally letting go. "Bye, Cassie. I'll see you in two weeks and I'll call a few times!" she said as she kissed my cheeks and gave me one more squeeze. I returned the gesture and wiped a little tear from my eye before she could notice it was there.

I watched them walk away and held back my sob. I was getting choked up, and my body was trembling but I wouldn't let it show until later. Until I was alone. I could cry forever, because at that moment it felt like I was going to always be alone for the rest of my life. She turned back one last time, and did a sad kind of smile. Her blonde hair was in her brown eyes and I let out a little stifling moan.

I turned and walked out of the airport then, trying not to think about her. Trying not to think about Frank. Trying not to think about anything, because everything hurt at that moment.

"Get over yourself, Cassie," I told myself in the car. I looked in the mirror at myself. Eyeliner stains from crying were down my face which held some manly features. I had a defined jaw and my eyebrows were a little thicker then normal, but they were under control. My long eyelashes were visibly wet and all in all, I looked a hot mess. My chest length light brown hair was still up in the fancy do it was at the wedding, but I was wearing my old track shirt from college and a pair of dirty old jeans with some flip flops. I wiped my eyes and took out the bobby pins from my hair. After I'd done that I wished I hadn't. My hair was now looking like a rats nest.

I threw it up in a ponytail and sat in my car for a little while, thinking of where to go. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to stay here. I didn't want to be in my skin. I was never one to cry. All day I was holding back these horrible hiccuping sobs. No one had noticed besides her. Maybe that's what made me fall for her the way I had. She cared about me.. almost to the point where it was over whelming.

Stop thinking about her! I told myself. How was I supposed to get over this? She was always the one I went to when I was upset...I didn't really have many other friends. My best friend from elementary and middle school had moved a while ago, in high school and college we remained friends and we still kept in touch but nothing more then that. I could never throw a burden like that on someone I didn't trust... someone I didn't know.

I put my car in drive and drove over the speed limit. I figured I would just drive straight until inspiration hit me. I put on the radio, flipped through a few stations and then turned it off again. I was never a huge fan of music. I had to be in the mood, and all that was ever on the radio was songs about love and heartbreak.... I really did not need any reminders.

Inspiration did not hit me. At this point, I'd gotten so upset I wished that anything would hit me. I swerved in and out of lanes, driving fast and ignoring beeps.

"Just hit me," I mumbled through gritted teeth.

After about a minute or two of my insanity, I swerved over to the side of the road and pulled into a street. I turned off my car and let the misery swallow me whole. I figured if I would let it loose now, maybe it would just leave. Maybe it wouldn't come back creeping, piece by piece, day by day. As my sobs became quieter I noticed I was not alone. A middle aged man, maybe 40 years old. He had brown hair and was wearing a maroon top with khakis. He was crossing across the street from his car to mine. I locked my doors and wiped my tears.

"I don't mean to frighten you..." he said honestly, but it was muffled through the glass. "Are you alright?"

I smiled and nodded, wishing he would just leave me be.

"Are you lost? I can try to point you in the right way, but I'm not so keen on directions," he said with a smile.

I lowered my window. "I'm fine, Just having a bad day."

He smiled again, sympathetically. "I'm sure it'll be alright. A pretty girl like you shouldn't be crying."

"Thank you," I said, with another small smile, not as forced.

"You be safe now. Keep that chin up. It's always darkest before dawn."

I watched him walk back to his car and drive away. What a load of bullshit. It was nice he was trying to help me, but I didn't need his advice or input. Just let me fucking suffer, don't try to give me hope!