Status: heartbroken.
When You Are Not the Starring Role In Someone Else's Heart
.. and I never fall asleep..
It was eight months later, after my twentieth birthday, when we met up again. I had for weeks started wearing more makeup and putting a little bit more effort into my clothes in case he ever came back. He didn't. And it took me two months to realize it. I was always a hopeless romantic, I guess. I mean I would have to be to drop out of school and move in with my boyfriend of three months and thinking it made perfect sense. I thought I loved Matty. I really did. I really thought he loved me. But, as soon as we got to the city and settled into our tiny studio apartment, he started yelling at me all the time. He started drinking; mind you he was 22 at the time and I had just turned 16. I didn't say I made smart decisions, I thought with my heart. Then he got really physical with me. He hit me a few times. But, he didn't mean it. It was the liquor. I swear he didn't ever want to hit me. Matty did love me for a while.
But anyway, I was at a party in Hafnarfjordhur; not too far outside of Reykjavik. My friend Katrin and I had been drinking way too much and dancing our asses off. It was a fun night. We met these cute college guys who were totally into Katrin. Her sleek blonde hair, big boobs, and her natural ability to speak Icelandic drove them crazy. These guys were putty in her dainty little hands. They were fetching us beer and offering us every five minutes for us to go back to their fraternity with them, but Katrin had to go to the airport bright and early in the morning to get to her parent's place in Akureyri.
I didn't especially like being second place to Katrin, but who could blame them? I'm average. I have this sandy blonde, mousy, stringy hair that hung like a curtain around my face. I didn't know how to put on makeup like Katrin or wear revealing clothes like her or flirt like her. I was just happy to be there. And Katrin must have been pretty happy to be with me, too. Isn't there some thing where if you put yourself next to someone less attractive to you, you makes you look ever hotter?! I swear that's a thing.
But, after getting totally wasted and knowing we shouldn't be driving and not trusting those frat guys to drive us back, we crashed in my car. I think I blacked out first, at least that's what Katrin tells me. She called me a total pussy and said I couldn't handle my liquor and she had to carry me to the car. I don't remember any of that, but I call bullshit on that story anyway. When we usually get together, she has nothing but a few spritzers and calls it good. But, I woke up first. And the first thing I did was freak out about what time it was. If Katrin was late for her flight, she'd miss her parents' anniversary party and she'd never forgive herself--- or me for that matter.
"Katrin, wake the fuck up!" I yelled, nudging her harshly.
"Fuck off," she mumbled in her thick Icelandic accent.
"You wanna miss your flight, bitch?!" I yelled louder, knowing she'd snap soon and wake up. She shot right up and said, "Well, what we doing here? Step on it!" And then we turned the car on and the car clock said it was exactly 4:27 AM.
"... My flight not leave until 8 AM, you dumbass," she said, not very clearly. You really had to listen when she talked. She laid back in her seat and immediately fell back asleep. I did not have that ability. I was wide awake now. I can't stay asleep for very long. Maybe that's why I only blacked out for two hours.
I started driving around Hafnarfjordhur, looking at the water and the twinkly lights around some of the docks. It was really pretty. I would never ever put myself in a boat for personal reasons; I'm really seasick and nauseous and hate the way the boat rocks and you can't control which way it rocks sometimes. It doesn't stay still! But, I would love a dock. Just to sit by the other boats and go into the sea for a bit every now and then. I could really see myself settling down in Iceland, which is why I gotta leave soon or I never will.
At six, I started looking for directions to see where the airport was. It was silly not to look for that earlier, like yesterday before getting drunk, but I was gonna have to do it hangover-style. My cell phone doesn't have Internet or GPS and I didn't wanna look through Katrin's stuff, so I went to a gas station and asked someone. The creepy guy at the cash register only wanted to flirt with me, but eventually I got directions. I had to drive back to Reykjavik, which was only a few miles away. And then once I was back near the city, I knew my way around. It was about quarter to seven when I got to the airport and parked and everything.
"Katrin, wake up! Do you have your purse and everything?" I asked, nudging her more gently this time.
"Are we at RKV?" she asked, rubbing her eyes. She had just smeared eyeliner all over her eye-area.
"Yeah, do you have stuff or should we try to turn back?" I asked, checking the visor mirror to see if I had done the same. Luckily, I was only wearing a little mascara and lipgloss and it had not been harmed during our wild night of partying.
"I have my passport and ticket and money and shit in purse. And I have clothes at my parents' house. I'm fine, Mads," she said, scraping her stuff off my car floor.
"Do you need me to walk you in and say goodbye to you right before you board," I said in a very sarcastically loving tone.
"Would you mind?" she begged seriously. I flinched because I didn't think I'd be getting out of the car. I was hungover and lazy and just wanted to go home. But then again, Katrin must feel the same. If not, worse.
"I'll go in. Let's go," I said, getting out of the car.
Katrin got through security with her little carry-on. She always complains they take her aside for the random pat-down search thing, but this time she had no problems. Again, I can see why they pick her. I met up with her and we said our good-byes and she got on the plane. But not without one final hug.
"Gahh I miss you so much!" she said, yanking me in a final embrace.
"I'm gonna see you next week for drinks, sweetie," I said, patting her back. That calmed her down and she said one final goodbye, blew a kiss, and got on the plane.
I watched her take off and then turned around to get some breakfast. There was a little stand with like egg sandwiches and breakfast burritos and stuff like that. I got a sandwich and a bottle of water and sat down. I'll tell you, airport food is just nasty. I regretted it as soon as it went into my body. I couldn't finish it. I tried to-- knowing I was on such a tight budget. But, I couldn't.
Throwing half my sandwich out, I started walking out of the airport when I heard a, "Hey! Wait up!" Assuming it wasn't for me, I kept walking. But it repeated and repeated and got so close to me, I slowed down and turned around. And there stood none other than Sequoia Harvard.
"What are you doing here?" he asked me, following me out.
"I was buying my ticket to Narsarsuaq, Greenland. You know, my hopping from country to country?" I said, my face expressionless.
"Really? You sure you couldn't stay a bit longer? Plus, you're leaving the airport, not boarding a plane." he said, calling my bullshit. He wasn't wearing sunglasses, so I got to see his leaf-green eyes. His eyelashes were naturally long. Seeing this really made his face that much more sexy.
"I was dropping my friend off," I said as if I didn't just lie to him.
"That's good. I wouldn't want you to leave me forever, you know."
"Then why haven't you stopped by?" I said, still expressionless. He lifted his manicured hand to his chin and thought for a second. He stood there contemplating, still not saying anything.
"I can't believe you even remember me," I went on, "If you wanted to see me so bad, you would have been at the coffee house, right?"
"I've been busy," he said. He took all that time to make that bullshit excuse?
"Well, I'm busy now. So why don't you fuck off?" I said, crossing the street to the parking lot. He kept right on following me.
"There's no need to be feisty, Madison," he said, tugging at my arm.
"What did you say my name was?" I said, turning around to look at him. He froze, knowing Madison wasn't my fucking name.
"M....M.... it starts with a goddamn 'M!' I know that much. Marina, Melissa, Madeline, Marilyn, I gotta be close."
"Sorry, Coy, I gotta go," I said, opening my car door and slamming it shut. He watched me drive off, his jaw dropped. I like to think it's because it was the first time anyone had rejected him before. I'm proud of that; I have been rejected by so many guys in my life. And now one sexy, sexy, sexy man knows how it feels to be let down. Fuck him.
But anyway, I was at a party in Hafnarfjordhur; not too far outside of Reykjavik. My friend Katrin and I had been drinking way too much and dancing our asses off. It was a fun night. We met these cute college guys who were totally into Katrin. Her sleek blonde hair, big boobs, and her natural ability to speak Icelandic drove them crazy. These guys were putty in her dainty little hands. They were fetching us beer and offering us every five minutes for us to go back to their fraternity with them, but Katrin had to go to the airport bright and early in the morning to get to her parent's place in Akureyri.
I didn't especially like being second place to Katrin, but who could blame them? I'm average. I have this sandy blonde, mousy, stringy hair that hung like a curtain around my face. I didn't know how to put on makeup like Katrin or wear revealing clothes like her or flirt like her. I was just happy to be there. And Katrin must have been pretty happy to be with me, too. Isn't there some thing where if you put yourself next to someone less attractive to you, you makes you look ever hotter?! I swear that's a thing.
But, after getting totally wasted and knowing we shouldn't be driving and not trusting those frat guys to drive us back, we crashed in my car. I think I blacked out first, at least that's what Katrin tells me. She called me a total pussy and said I couldn't handle my liquor and she had to carry me to the car. I don't remember any of that, but I call bullshit on that story anyway. When we usually get together, she has nothing but a few spritzers and calls it good. But, I woke up first. And the first thing I did was freak out about what time it was. If Katrin was late for her flight, she'd miss her parents' anniversary party and she'd never forgive herself--- or me for that matter.
"Katrin, wake the fuck up!" I yelled, nudging her harshly.
"Fuck off," she mumbled in her thick Icelandic accent.
"You wanna miss your flight, bitch?!" I yelled louder, knowing she'd snap soon and wake up. She shot right up and said, "Well, what we doing here? Step on it!" And then we turned the car on and the car clock said it was exactly 4:27 AM.
"... My flight not leave until 8 AM, you dumbass," she said, not very clearly. You really had to listen when she talked. She laid back in her seat and immediately fell back asleep. I did not have that ability. I was wide awake now. I can't stay asleep for very long. Maybe that's why I only blacked out for two hours.
I started driving around Hafnarfjordhur, looking at the water and the twinkly lights around some of the docks. It was really pretty. I would never ever put myself in a boat for personal reasons; I'm really seasick and nauseous and hate the way the boat rocks and you can't control which way it rocks sometimes. It doesn't stay still! But, I would love a dock. Just to sit by the other boats and go into the sea for a bit every now and then. I could really see myself settling down in Iceland, which is why I gotta leave soon or I never will.
At six, I started looking for directions to see where the airport was. It was silly not to look for that earlier, like yesterday before getting drunk, but I was gonna have to do it hangover-style. My cell phone doesn't have Internet or GPS and I didn't wanna look through Katrin's stuff, so I went to a gas station and asked someone. The creepy guy at the cash register only wanted to flirt with me, but eventually I got directions. I had to drive back to Reykjavik, which was only a few miles away. And then once I was back near the city, I knew my way around. It was about quarter to seven when I got to the airport and parked and everything.
"Katrin, wake up! Do you have your purse and everything?" I asked, nudging her more gently this time.
"Are we at RKV?" she asked, rubbing her eyes. She had just smeared eyeliner all over her eye-area.
"Yeah, do you have stuff or should we try to turn back?" I asked, checking the visor mirror to see if I had done the same. Luckily, I was only wearing a little mascara and lipgloss and it had not been harmed during our wild night of partying.
"I have my passport and ticket and money and shit in purse. And I have clothes at my parents' house. I'm fine, Mads," she said, scraping her stuff off my car floor.
"Do you need me to walk you in and say goodbye to you right before you board," I said in a very sarcastically loving tone.
"Would you mind?" she begged seriously. I flinched because I didn't think I'd be getting out of the car. I was hungover and lazy and just wanted to go home. But then again, Katrin must feel the same. If not, worse.
"I'll go in. Let's go," I said, getting out of the car.
Katrin got through security with her little carry-on. She always complains they take her aside for the random pat-down search thing, but this time she had no problems. Again, I can see why they pick her. I met up with her and we said our good-byes and she got on the plane. But not without one final hug.
"Gahh I miss you so much!" she said, yanking me in a final embrace.
"I'm gonna see you next week for drinks, sweetie," I said, patting her back. That calmed her down and she said one final goodbye, blew a kiss, and got on the plane.
I watched her take off and then turned around to get some breakfast. There was a little stand with like egg sandwiches and breakfast burritos and stuff like that. I got a sandwich and a bottle of water and sat down. I'll tell you, airport food is just nasty. I regretted it as soon as it went into my body. I couldn't finish it. I tried to-- knowing I was on such a tight budget. But, I couldn't.
Throwing half my sandwich out, I started walking out of the airport when I heard a, "Hey! Wait up!" Assuming it wasn't for me, I kept walking. But it repeated and repeated and got so close to me, I slowed down and turned around. And there stood none other than Sequoia Harvard.
"What are you doing here?" he asked me, following me out.
"I was buying my ticket to Narsarsuaq, Greenland. You know, my hopping from country to country?" I said, my face expressionless.
"Really? You sure you couldn't stay a bit longer? Plus, you're leaving the airport, not boarding a plane." he said, calling my bullshit. He wasn't wearing sunglasses, so I got to see his leaf-green eyes. His eyelashes were naturally long. Seeing this really made his face that much more sexy.
"I was dropping my friend off," I said as if I didn't just lie to him.
"That's good. I wouldn't want you to leave me forever, you know."
"Then why haven't you stopped by?" I said, still expressionless. He lifted his manicured hand to his chin and thought for a second. He stood there contemplating, still not saying anything.
"I can't believe you even remember me," I went on, "If you wanted to see me so bad, you would have been at the coffee house, right?"
"I've been busy," he said. He took all that time to make that bullshit excuse?
"Well, I'm busy now. So why don't you fuck off?" I said, crossing the street to the parking lot. He kept right on following me.
"There's no need to be feisty, Madison," he said, tugging at my arm.
"What did you say my name was?" I said, turning around to look at him. He froze, knowing Madison wasn't my fucking name.
"M....M.... it starts with a goddamn 'M!' I know that much. Marina, Melissa, Madeline, Marilyn, I gotta be close."
"Sorry, Coy, I gotta go," I said, opening my car door and slamming it shut. He watched me drive off, his jaw dropped. I like to think it's because it was the first time anyone had rejected him before. I'm proud of that; I have been rejected by so many guys in my life. And now one sexy, sexy, sexy man knows how it feels to be let down. Fuck him.