Should I Go on With This Arranged Marriage?

Dominique’s P.O.V.

I didn’t go to school for the rest of the week. I didn’t even bothering, looking at my phone. I know lots of messages and missed calls are from him. I stayed home, my original home. Mom and Dad didn’t bother talking to me. They know I still want to be alone. Brian spends the day and night here with me. Of course, we do sleep with one bed, now. I do feel comfortable, like not the first time we sleep in one bed. He only went home this morning to get clothes. He even thinks he should be the one now, getting to know with my parents. Well, they tag-a-along, pretty-cool.

“Hey.” I heard my dad’s voice in my room. He already fixed my door, Brian kicked pretty-hard.

“Hey.” I smiled on him. He’s holding a bouquet of flower, beautifully arranged.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. Why?”

“I think you’re giving Brian a hard time, sweetie.” He looked concern.

I shoot him a confusing look. “What did I do?”

“Well, sweetie if you don’t know, you do cry when you sleep. That wakes him up, and never gets back to sleep until you’re okay.”

I looked at him, thinking, why did I never feel that? “I do?”

He nodded. “Sweetie, one more thing.” he gave me the bouquet. “Tom, pass by today. Good thing, Brian already left, while you’re sleeping. I think you should do what you have to do, before it’s really late, that it was already it is.”

I looked at the card on the flower. ‘Baby, I know we’re not that long enough, but I can see my whole life with you. Sorry, if surprised you. I know you do.’ I feel the warm tear rolling down from my left eye. I wiped it right away.

“uhm.. Thanks, Dad.” He just smiled on me and put a kiss on my forehead, before leaving my room.

---

Brian is still not home. He called me and said; he’ll be back at nine. Matt called for a short meeting. Since it’s only 7 and today is Saturday. I think I can go talk to Tom.

Started getting ready, I didn’t put muck things on my face.

I leave the house, borrowing dad’s car, and he did let me drive it. Just five minutes away, I reached Tom’s house. I shakily stepped my feet towards the door. I knocked three times before someone answered the door. Thank God, he’s the one who answered.

“Wasn’t expecting you here.” he said as he opened the door.

“Neither do I.” I smiled hesitantly.

We both look at each other. It was silent, a silent I never want to feel. But I feel thousands of voices airing my head. I know these voices are just my illusions. I shook those voices at the back of my head. I know as long as I’m still not doing the right thing, they’ll remain screaming in my head. I have to do this, right now.

“Come in.” he opened the wide door for me.

I feel my feet stepping in heavily; it directs me to sit on the couch by the living room. Tom, then sit beside me.

“Tom.” I said, not looking at him, but instead look on my fingers, playing the hem of my shirt. “I…”

“You don’t have to answer me, yet. I told you, I’ll wait.” He took my hands.

“You don’t understand me Tom. Nobody else can understand me. You don’t know how much I’m so guilty right now.” I started crying. I know, I’ve been crying for how many days, but I do feel I deserve to cry and feel shit inside me.

“Guilty for what?” I can hear the confusion in his voice.

“Tom, I can’t marry you.” I said looking up at him. His face drop blank. “Tom, I’m so sorry.” I said, my voice is obviously shaking.

“Why? I thought you love me?” his face.. His face is just confused as mine.

“Don’t doubt about my love for you. I do love you. It’s just that...” I paused. Here it is. I have to tell this him now. “It’s just that, I was born to marry someone else.” Not the best words. But they just came out of my mouth.

“What?” he said, looking frustrated.

“Brian. Brian wasn’t really my brother. His parents and mine, made a deal. And that’s to marry Brian.”

“That’s stupid!” he almost shouted.

“I know.” I almost whispered. “I was about to… to break up with you, when you proposed on me. But---“he cut me off.

“But what? You waited for me to reach that far? You shouldn’t have said yes at the very first place. Do you know how much hurt I’m feeling right now?” tears started welling up his beautiful, hurt eyes.

More tears started ran down my face. I know he’s more hurt than me. Do I even have the right to get hurt, when I’m the one who hurt? All I could right now is guilt. And I want to kill myself for that.

He knelt down infront of me, “Dominique.” Tears already rolled down his face. My tears are just endless too. “I’ll forget everything. Just come with me. Marry me.”

Did he just ask me to run away from me? I don’t deserve this kind of guy. I’m no good for him. I know somewhere out there someone deserves him well. I’m not! I’m a liar. User! “Tom, don’t make this anymore harder.” I said, shaking my head. I really can’t. I’m pretty sure, Marco would kill my father.

He bowed down his head, on my lap and cried. “Please, please, Dominique. Don’t leave me.”

I don’t know if I can cry even harder, than the tears already falling from my eyes. I put my hand on his head. “Tom, I’m really sorry. I seriously would marry you, if I wasn’t stock with this. I don’t even think you deserve me. You’re a better guy.”

“Yeah, I’m better, because of you. You made me that.” he said looking up. He looks right through my eyes. I see how much pain, I’m putting on him. I turned my gaze away from him. I swear I don’t want to see his eyes.

“Tom, I love you. But, I’m really sorry. I can’t.” he deserves more than this. “You’ll have someone better than me.”

“But I don’t one anyone better than you.” He quickly snaked his arms around my waist. “I don’t need the better ones. It’s you that I need. Please, please, say you won’t leave me.”

I sighed heavily, unaware that I’ve been holding my breath. “Tom, I have to. I’m sorry” I said straight.

There was another silence. It’s long. He’s still holding onto my waist, while I just sit there and look blankly straight into the wall. All I can hear are the sobs coming from both of us. I even do feel his warm tears soaking up my shirt. It’s a long silence. Really long, we just stayed like that. Until I feel his arms loosen up around me.

‘You’re doing the right thing.’ I thought. ‘you’ll be able to breathe well, now.’

I promise, I’ll never do anything as stupid as this. I won’t make anything to make me cry like this again. Especially the people around me, I promise, I won’t hurt them like this. I’d really shot myself, If this ever happen again.