Should I Go on With This Arranged Marriage?

I decided to take my five entrance exams from five major colleges here in Huntington. I did it online, cause I’m too lazy to get dress, nor even want to leave the house. No basically, I feel the gas is really expensive to even use the car that my father gave me as a gift from the graduation. Besides, Brian, let me use his laptop. Honestly, i was still a bit awward when I borrowed it to him, thankfully, he let me. I actually never had one, I’m not into this, but I know how to use, though.

For the entire week, I was busy with this shit. I read some personal experience with different courses they were taking. I really wanted to be a Flight stewardess, because they got to speak different question and it’s a must, it’s just that I hate travelling. Plus, I don’t want to just learn languages, but instead, I want to do it, because I must. Well, anyways, my option number two is Medicine, since I’m fine with bloods. Creepy, I know. I guess I’ll just go with it.

The exam results will be delivered by snail mail in two or three more weeks, since I’ve read that they initially take priority those who came in personally. I’m not in a rush anyways. I could wait for a month or so.

Three soft knocks, take made me stand up from the chair I was sitting at. I opened the door to see, Amanda and Steven, the driver, holding a white big-box also with two people, a girl and a guy. I think they are the designers for the wedding dress. “You’re wedding gown.” Amanda smiled.

I felt my lips in an ‘o’ motion, as I looked at them surprised.

“I know, I know, you’re surprised.” Amanda said, pulling me further inside the room.

Steven put the box on my bed, and left right away.

“Wow.” I exclaimed.

“Come on. I’m excited to see this on you.” The guy who’s wearing glasses pulled my shirt off. I let him since he sounds like a girl, which made me realize that he’s gay.

I walked away from him, as I felt him, unhooking my bra. “Okay, I get this one.” I turned around as I unhook it. I turned back on them, crossing my arms on my chest.

I saw the gay and probably his assistant holding up the beautifully stitched white dress. “Oh, it’s beautiful.”

“Thank you.” he smiled.

“Come on, come on. Get it on.” Amanda excitedly demanded.

The girl, unzipped the back zipper and I carefully slid my legs in the dress. I feel the zipper already zipping up and I could feel the pressure on my stomach. I think I gained weight again.

“You look perfect.” Amanda smiled.

“I told you, she’s lovely.” He smiled too.

I exhaled heavily realizing I was holding my breath for a little while. “Yeah, I think so; it’s just that I think I gained weight. I can’t breathe normally.”

“I could do something about that, don’t worry.” He said.

“Oh my god.” I turned around to see Marco, entered the room. “You look really beautiful.” He said as he put a little kiss on my head. By the way, Marco has been treating me like his own daughter, which kind of overwhelming.

“Thanks.” I smiled.

“I can’t wait to watch you marching the isle in a week.”

I feel like I’ve been slap to hear that the wedding is going to be in a week. How did they manage to prepare everything for like just almost four weeks ago?

---

I was having a shower, when I heard Brian’s voice in my room. “Are you done with my laptop?”

“Yeah!” I shouted just enough so he could hear me through closed doors of the bathroom and the running water. “Thanks.”

“Are you going to take long?” I heard him shouted again.

“I think so, why?” I asked back.

“Nothing. I feel like drinking.” He answered.

I softly chuckled to myself before I speak. “What are we drinking buddies?”

“Yeah, you could say that.” he paused. “I got drinks in my room, come as soon as you’re done.”

“Alright!” I shouted back.

I heard the door closed.

---

I entered his room and saw him already drinking. “I think you don’t need a buddy anymore.”

“You were so long.” he said as he reached me a drink.

I smiled. “Sorry.”

“Why are we drinking for?” I asked before drinking.

He sighed. “Let’s just say, a celebration before you say goodbye to your surname.”

I giggled on him. “Cheers!” I said putting up my drink on him, and he tossed it. “so how was the talked with the guys?”

A smile grew on his face. “Another tour is up!”

“Really?” a big smile grew on my face too. “Oh my God, Congratulations, Now we got a real reason to celebrate.”

“And how was your day?’

“Not much. Just raped your laptop with random things.” I replied.

“You should’ve raped me.” he smirked.

I giggled again on him. “Shut up!” I gulped of the bitter-sweet drink before asking him. “So, when will be the tour?”

“a week after the wedding.” He replied.

“Oh.” I said surprised.

“I know, that fast.” he commented on my reaction. “We won’t be able to have long honeymoon.” He smirked again.

I just smiled on him. “Just so you forgot, we’re done with the honeymoon.”

“What?” he almost shouts. “You’re not going to give me another one?”

I rolled my eyes on him. I think it’s getting my habit. “Seriously, you’re not asking me that.” I looked away from him. But I looked back, when I didn’t hear anything from him. He’s still looking at me. And he looks serious. “Are you serious?”

“Do I look like I’m not?”

“Really, you’re not, right?”

“Yes, I am.” He replied. Thank God. I thought he’s really serious. “NOT!”

I put my empty bottle and manage to open another one. “Oh my God. Brian, I really don’t think I could do that again with you.”

“Why not?!” he said shifting on his sit to look face me. “We almost do it, before we actually have done it.”

I nodded. “But I was curious at first, and then we’re under the spell of the Viagra things. I think that’s why we did it.”

“Stay curious then.” He suggested.

“It’s hard to pretend, okay.”

“Anyways, I’d still think Mom prepared us something after the wedding.” He smirked.

I sighed heavily. “The real reason is.” I paused. “It is going to be different after the marriage. I mean, normal girls do it even before they got married, in love or not, with their partners. The difference is that we don’t love each other, even after the marriage. I really think it’s kind of awkward.”

“So you mean we have to be in love first, before you gave me sex?” he asked again.

“Sex, is not just sex for me. I call it romance, Brian.”

“But, there’s no love between us, when that happened.”

“true.” I paused. “But we’re both not normal when that happens. I’d still thank you for that, you made me a real woman, but that‘s it!”

“But we won’t be drugged when we do it again.”

“You’re not getting it, Brian. I want romance not sex.” I said irritated.

“What’s the difference?” He confusingly replied.

“I just don’t want to have it, with no any reason.”

“What do you want then? Love? Wait a decade, not gonna happen.”

I stopped myself before I could speak again. ‘Not gonna happen.’ Those words rang throughout my mind. These three words are the answers to all my questions.

Before the warm tears, roll down my cheeks, I quickly run out of his room. “Nick!” Brian called, but I ignored it. I clicked the lock, before slamming the door and jumped on my bed.

“Nick, I’m sorry, okay!” I heard Brian shouted from the outside.

“Shut up!” I shouted. “I don’t want to hear you’re sorry. You’re insulting me.”

“But Nick---“

“I want this right? I don’t want you to be nice on me. Don’t be sorry.” I shouted back.

“Nick, please, this is not what you asked me too. I know I did something far from what you’re asking.”

“Go away please.”

“No, I won’t! Open up, please!” his voice is getting a little gentle.

I wiped my tears away. I don’t want to hear him, I don’t want him around. I need to breathe. I took my key from my bag then put on my jacket.

I walked then opened the door to see his apologetic face.

“I’m so sorry.” He tried to touch me, but I raised my hands gesturing to stay away.

“I’m fine.” I said before heading down the stairs.

“Where are you going?” he followed me.

I didn’t answer him. I just walked towards the door. He grabbed my hand, but I swayed it off. I opened the door of my car, he pushed it closed. “Please, Brian. I want to be alone.” I pushed the tears that have fallen again.

“No. I know you’re hurt.”

“Brian, I asked you not to be nice. That’s what I need.”

He shakes his head. “Please, let’s talk.”

“Go, sleep Brian.” My shaking voice didn’t help with the situation. “I’ll go sleep with Jasmine. Don’t worry, I won’t be lost. Just let me alone, please.”

His hands slowly dropped from holding the door of the driver’s sit. I take that as a cue to open the door and get in.

---

“Do you know the feeling, that you’re hanging by a thread, and when the time the thread cuts off, no one is there to catch you?” I cried on Jasmine’s shoulder, while she rubs my back to comfort me.

“I’m getting you Nick.” She replied.

“Fuck!” I almost whispered. “I thought, I’m going to be happy with my choice. I even thought, we’ll be okay somehow. But he told me, it will never happen. I mean, we’re okay. I didn’t assume for more, because I know it will come eventually, but he already closed some possibilities.” I cried even more. “

“Shhh… Let’s sleep, Nick. I don’t want your pretty face, have circle all over your eyes.”

I nodded, but I suddenly feel my stomach turned upside down. I immediately pull my hand to cover my mouth and run to her bathroom. This is basically one of the reasons why I hate alcohols.