Take Me Dancing

Theodore ignored me for the remainder of the night by locking himself in his bedroom and not coming out for anything. Only once did he open the door to let Zeno in and I heard him tell the smaller boy something that I had heard Garrett tell them both many times before. "Brothers stick together,"
And then the door was shut and locked for the night and I went my own way, giving my boys some space as they dealt with the fact that they didn't have their Dad around at the moment. I ended up back in my own room, looking at the pictures of Garrett and I together from the time we first met up until the day he left for tour.

And I'd be lying if I said that sobs didn't visit me as the night went on. Even as I went to check up on the dimpled boys that Garrett and I have always cared about more then ourselves, there were still tear stains on my face. I slipped the key into the door and it opened, creaking as I pushed it farther, letting the light from the hallway illuminate the blonde, sleeping boys in the bed that sat in the center of the red painted room.
I hummed in satisfaction and picked Zeno up from the bed, knowing that he'd kick his brother in his sleep. I shut Theodore's door when I left, knowing that he had always been the boy to complain that his room wasn't dark enough. He was never afraid of the dark unlike his younger brother who had to sleep with a night light.
And even though both boys had about an equal amount of looks from both Garrett and I, that was about all they had gotten from me. All their little quirks were from Garrett's side. Their taste in music, their bad habits, and they even shifted back and forth with adorable smiles on their faces when they had something to say like Garrett always does in his interviews.

I placed Zeno in his crib, noticing that it was way past time to get him a toddler bed. I sighed and turned on his night light, leaving him to sleep in peace as my own mind weighed heavy with thoughts. Garrett and I had talked about switching him into his own bed with little rails, but together we decided to wait until he got back from this short, three month tour, so Garrett could be there to help me put him to bed at night. Because Garrett's playing was really the only thing that made Zeno go to sleep when we wanted him to as opposed to when he passed out from being so tired.

I sighed and went down to the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of green Gatorade from the fridge and took a sip, making my way into the dark living room to watch t.v on the couch. Old reruns of 'That 70's Show' played on the sleek flat screen t.v and although it was initially my intention to watch t.v, my mind reeled on ahead and I couldn't focus on anything but helping Garrett remember, and come home to the family that was waiting eagerly for his arrival.

It felt like years since I had had a face to face conversation with my husband, the man that remembers who he is. It had been almost four months since I had spent anytime with the man that I fell in love with, the father of my children. And I was dying just to be held in his arms, my own wrapped around his neck as he kissed me like he always does when he comes home from a long tour. That's how Zeno was conceived in 2010.

But with Garrett, he always made time for his family. Taking Theodore to the studio with him when he couldn't be home before dinner to help his oldest son with his homework or play baseball in the backyard like he had promised on the phone while he was over in Europe. Garrett was always quick to make up the broken promises with something bigger and more extravagant. Like taking Theodore and I with him in early 2009 for the first part of Warped when Garrett realized he'd have to miss his son's birthday for the tour that had helped boost The Maine into even more popularity.

And luckily when Zeno was born Garrett had just come into some time off that lasted four months until mid-February. It seemed like when Garrett was away on tour everything was hectic, but when he'd call and the boys and I would gather in the living room with the phone on speaker, the whole world would drain away. It'd be perfect because Garrett and I had gotten everything we wanted, a family and our dreams. But this time, for the last month we couldn't even have a perfect moment over the phone because the man that our lives orbited around was hurt and now his mind is hiding things from him. Not letting him know that it's him, with his shaggy hair and his beautiful eyes. His laughter, his jokes, his amazing soothing voice, that ours lives are centered around.

It's like watching the sun fall from the sky and you can't do a single thing about it but wait for gravity to kick back in. If it ever does.