Life Inc.
Chapter 17
“Hi,” Louis said, lips twitching into a small smile.
“Hi,” Harry breathed back, captivated.
Louis came to sit next to Harry on the bed and the younger boy’s breath hitched slightly in anticipation. There was a thick, yet comfortable silence for a minute. This was the tipping point, the moment they had been teetering on for weeks, Harry could feel it and it was making butterflies erupt and dance in his stomach already. Suddenly he realised that he was being so stupid in telling himself that Louis could never love him, because deep down, somehow, he knew now that he did. And he knew that Louis was about to tell him so.
“You remember when we met?” Louis asked, fingers nervously picking at his thumbnail so that Harry couldn’t see that his hands were shaking. He was beginning to wonder if this was a mistake. “That first evening, we were in the kitchen and you were upset and just before you left to go upstairs you asked me why I saved your life and – ”
“ – you lied,” Harry interrupting, smiling, remembering. Louis smiled slightly too, but his nerves that were building a sick feeling in his stomach kept it small. They were both staring at the floor in front of them, at their feet only a few inches apart, but at that moment, on the brink of their confessions, it felt like miles.
“Want to know why I saved your life?” Louis asked after another pause.
“Yes.”
“Because you saved mine more times than I can count.” Louis’ eyes closed as he thought back to that painful time six years ago. Harry said nothing; he knew Louis was going to explain. “I had been on my own for two years, no memory, no one to look out for me, no purpose, no idea why I was invisible. I was tired and my demons were starting to haunt me in the daytime and not just in my dreams. I had run out of things to live for and so...I was going to kill myself.” Louis took a deep breath as he tried to suppress the sickening blackness he was remembering and Harry processed what he was learning. “And then...and then there was you. I first saw you on your first day of school and I had this feeling – like you could be the one to give me a purpose, something to live for. I don’t know why I thought that – maybe it was your innocent joy, or your curls, or those eyes I can’t escape from. I followed you to school that morning and that’s where I started to learn. It gave me a purpose, you gave me a purpose and that’s how I found out about Life Inc. And that’s why I saved your life – because I owe you to this day for all the times you’ve saved mine.” A soft hand rested on his thigh, just above his knee, doubling his heart rate. He could feel Harry’s eyes on him now but he couldn’t bring himself to look at him.
“Louis, you don’t owe me anything, trust me,” Harry smiled tenderly.
“How can I not owe you anything? Don’t you understand Harry? And what about the fact that you brought me back to my family? God knows I at least owe you for that.”
“Louis, I don’t want you to owe me. I don’t want the rest of our lives to be made up of constantly balancing our ledgers and repaying debts to each other.” Louis looked up at this, confused by Harry’s words; why on earth would Harry be thinking about the rest of his life in terms of the two of them? Harry waited until their eyes met again and in that shock of green finding crystal blue, he leaned forward and captured Louis’ lips with his own.
Louis’ mind stalled as he felt Harry kiss him with surprising confidence and he felt like he might have imploded if Harry’s other hand hadn’t curled gently around the back of his neck, keeping him grounded. Harry was soft and warm and the kiss was loving and careful. Louis could feel every cliché he had ever heard coming true at once – fireworks, butterflies, weak limbs, his heart swelled, his eyes fluttered shut. But despite how completely perfect it felt to be kissing the boy he loved, he was scared; he had never kissed anyone before and what if he disappointed Harry? Harry sensed his nervousness and pulled back, resting their foreheads together.
“Don’t be afraid Lou,” he murmured with a small smile, lifting his hand from Louis’ knee to graze his thumb up his cheekbone.
“You say that like it’s easy,” Louis breathed, leaning into Harry’s warm touch. “I don’t want to let you down.”
“You couldn’t ever let me down hun. Never in a million years. I don’t care how broken you think you are, it doesn’t matter to me. Being around you is killing me in the most painful, most beautiful way and I wouldn’t stop it for anything.” Harry placed a finger over Louis’ lips to stop him interrupting, as he could see that he was about to protest. “And it’s killing me because each day I fall more and more in love with you and I can’t stop it and now I think that if I lost you, if I were to never see you again, it would tear me apart. It would kill me. I’ve fallen in love with you Louis. I love you,” Harry confessed. Louis’ eyes grew wide and this time it was him who leaned forward to mould their lips together, giving him time to process what Harry had told him. He felt like he must be asleep – there was no way all his dreams could be coming true in reality. It wasn’t possible that the boy he had seen six years ago was now telling him that he had fallen in love with him; with stupid, lonely, broken Louis Tomlinson.
“I love you Harry. I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you. I loved you when I saved your life and I loved you even more when you made me laugh, not that I thought that it was possible to love you more.” Harry laughed softly, euphoric, stealing another kiss. “I loved you when you comforted me and didn’t mind that I was crying all over you. I loved you through every excruciating moment when you were right there, but had no idea that I even existed. I’ve loved you for six years, I love you now and I will love you until my dying breath.” Louis felt like a weight had lifted from his shoulders as Harry kissed him again, eyes brimming with joy.
“So just to clarify, you love me?” Harry teased. Louis laughed and pushed him so that he fell back onto the bed. Harry grinned and tugged on Louis’ wrist until the older boy lay down next to him and he could wrap one protective arm around his shoulders, the other holding his hand on Harry’s stomach. He watched him blissfully, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “What made you decide to tell me?” Harry asked, drawing random patterns along Louis’ spine with his finger.
“I talked to Zayn.”
“Zayn? I thought he hated you?”
“All just a misunderstanding. He told me that he knew that I was in love with you and at first I panicked, but then I just told him everything. It was like the floodgates had opened. He told me that I should tell you; that there was a chance that I might not make it back from the Life Inc and that you deserved to know and that I deserved this time with you. I guess he knew that you felt the same.” Louis cuddled tighter into Harry’s side and let his thumb stroke the back of his hand. It felt so completely right, it was everything he had always imagined and more.
“I don’t want you to go,” Harry whispered, and for once he sounded like the younger of the two of them, like the one who needed protecting.
“I have to Harry. If I don’t do this, then we will never be free to be together, and eventually the company will catch up with us. It’s either a few months, or the rest of our lives.”
“A few months is better than the sheer nothingness that I will have to face if you’re killed,” Harry sighed. “Let’s not fight about this. Not now anyway.”
“There’s nothing to fight about. I’m sorry, but I have to go. I don’t have a choice.”
“There’s always a choice,” Harry countered, frowning.
“Not with this, not with your life on the line, not with people counting on me, not with the chance to free the world. And then I promise that as soon as it’s done, we can be together and never have to worry about anyone else ever again. Just you and me. And as long as I’m thinking of you, I can do it. Thoughts of you will bring me home.” There was a pause and then Harry was laughing again and calling Louis a cheesy dork. Louis saw through it though – heard the sadness laced through his laugh, so he kissed him again, hoping that that could explain how he felt better than his words could. This kiss was slow and patient and exploratory and they both relaxed into it, content with not sharing any more words until much later on when Louis was falling asleep in Harry’s arms.
“I love you,” he murmured, voice thick and eyes heavy.
“I love you too,” Harry smiled. “I’ll keep you safe tonight, I promise.”
“Hi,” Harry breathed back, captivated.
Louis came to sit next to Harry on the bed and the younger boy’s breath hitched slightly in anticipation. There was a thick, yet comfortable silence for a minute. This was the tipping point, the moment they had been teetering on for weeks, Harry could feel it and it was making butterflies erupt and dance in his stomach already. Suddenly he realised that he was being so stupid in telling himself that Louis could never love him, because deep down, somehow, he knew now that he did. And he knew that Louis was about to tell him so.
“You remember when we met?” Louis asked, fingers nervously picking at his thumbnail so that Harry couldn’t see that his hands were shaking. He was beginning to wonder if this was a mistake. “That first evening, we were in the kitchen and you were upset and just before you left to go upstairs you asked me why I saved your life and – ”
“ – you lied,” Harry interrupting, smiling, remembering. Louis smiled slightly too, but his nerves that were building a sick feeling in his stomach kept it small. They were both staring at the floor in front of them, at their feet only a few inches apart, but at that moment, on the brink of their confessions, it felt like miles.
“Want to know why I saved your life?” Louis asked after another pause.
“Yes.”
“Because you saved mine more times than I can count.” Louis’ eyes closed as he thought back to that painful time six years ago. Harry said nothing; he knew Louis was going to explain. “I had been on my own for two years, no memory, no one to look out for me, no purpose, no idea why I was invisible. I was tired and my demons were starting to haunt me in the daytime and not just in my dreams. I had run out of things to live for and so...I was going to kill myself.” Louis took a deep breath as he tried to suppress the sickening blackness he was remembering and Harry processed what he was learning. “And then...and then there was you. I first saw you on your first day of school and I had this feeling – like you could be the one to give me a purpose, something to live for. I don’t know why I thought that – maybe it was your innocent joy, or your curls, or those eyes I can’t escape from. I followed you to school that morning and that’s where I started to learn. It gave me a purpose, you gave me a purpose and that’s how I found out about Life Inc. And that’s why I saved your life – because I owe you to this day for all the times you’ve saved mine.” A soft hand rested on his thigh, just above his knee, doubling his heart rate. He could feel Harry’s eyes on him now but he couldn’t bring himself to look at him.
“Louis, you don’t owe me anything, trust me,” Harry smiled tenderly.
“How can I not owe you anything? Don’t you understand Harry? And what about the fact that you brought me back to my family? God knows I at least owe you for that.”
“Louis, I don’t want you to owe me. I don’t want the rest of our lives to be made up of constantly balancing our ledgers and repaying debts to each other.” Louis looked up at this, confused by Harry’s words; why on earth would Harry be thinking about the rest of his life in terms of the two of them? Harry waited until their eyes met again and in that shock of green finding crystal blue, he leaned forward and captured Louis’ lips with his own.
Louis’ mind stalled as he felt Harry kiss him with surprising confidence and he felt like he might have imploded if Harry’s other hand hadn’t curled gently around the back of his neck, keeping him grounded. Harry was soft and warm and the kiss was loving and careful. Louis could feel every cliché he had ever heard coming true at once – fireworks, butterflies, weak limbs, his heart swelled, his eyes fluttered shut. But despite how completely perfect it felt to be kissing the boy he loved, he was scared; he had never kissed anyone before and what if he disappointed Harry? Harry sensed his nervousness and pulled back, resting their foreheads together.
“Don’t be afraid Lou,” he murmured with a small smile, lifting his hand from Louis’ knee to graze his thumb up his cheekbone.
“You say that like it’s easy,” Louis breathed, leaning into Harry’s warm touch. “I don’t want to let you down.”
“You couldn’t ever let me down hun. Never in a million years. I don’t care how broken you think you are, it doesn’t matter to me. Being around you is killing me in the most painful, most beautiful way and I wouldn’t stop it for anything.” Harry placed a finger over Louis’ lips to stop him interrupting, as he could see that he was about to protest. “And it’s killing me because each day I fall more and more in love with you and I can’t stop it and now I think that if I lost you, if I were to never see you again, it would tear me apart. It would kill me. I’ve fallen in love with you Louis. I love you,” Harry confessed. Louis’ eyes grew wide and this time it was him who leaned forward to mould their lips together, giving him time to process what Harry had told him. He felt like he must be asleep – there was no way all his dreams could be coming true in reality. It wasn’t possible that the boy he had seen six years ago was now telling him that he had fallen in love with him; with stupid, lonely, broken Louis Tomlinson.
“I love you Harry. I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you. I loved you when I saved your life and I loved you even more when you made me laugh, not that I thought that it was possible to love you more.” Harry laughed softly, euphoric, stealing another kiss. “I loved you when you comforted me and didn’t mind that I was crying all over you. I loved you through every excruciating moment when you were right there, but had no idea that I even existed. I’ve loved you for six years, I love you now and I will love you until my dying breath.” Louis felt like a weight had lifted from his shoulders as Harry kissed him again, eyes brimming with joy.
“So just to clarify, you love me?” Harry teased. Louis laughed and pushed him so that he fell back onto the bed. Harry grinned and tugged on Louis’ wrist until the older boy lay down next to him and he could wrap one protective arm around his shoulders, the other holding his hand on Harry’s stomach. He watched him blissfully, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “What made you decide to tell me?” Harry asked, drawing random patterns along Louis’ spine with his finger.
“I talked to Zayn.”
“Zayn? I thought he hated you?”
“All just a misunderstanding. He told me that he knew that I was in love with you and at first I panicked, but then I just told him everything. It was like the floodgates had opened. He told me that I should tell you; that there was a chance that I might not make it back from the Life Inc and that you deserved to know and that I deserved this time with you. I guess he knew that you felt the same.” Louis cuddled tighter into Harry’s side and let his thumb stroke the back of his hand. It felt so completely right, it was everything he had always imagined and more.
“I don’t want you to go,” Harry whispered, and for once he sounded like the younger of the two of them, like the one who needed protecting.
“I have to Harry. If I don’t do this, then we will never be free to be together, and eventually the company will catch up with us. It’s either a few months, or the rest of our lives.”
“A few months is better than the sheer nothingness that I will have to face if you’re killed,” Harry sighed. “Let’s not fight about this. Not now anyway.”
“There’s nothing to fight about. I’m sorry, but I have to go. I don’t have a choice.”
“There’s always a choice,” Harry countered, frowning.
“Not with this, not with your life on the line, not with people counting on me, not with the chance to free the world. And then I promise that as soon as it’s done, we can be together and never have to worry about anyone else ever again. Just you and me. And as long as I’m thinking of you, I can do it. Thoughts of you will bring me home.” There was a pause and then Harry was laughing again and calling Louis a cheesy dork. Louis saw through it though – heard the sadness laced through his laugh, so he kissed him again, hoping that that could explain how he felt better than his words could. This kiss was slow and patient and exploratory and they both relaxed into it, content with not sharing any more words until much later on when Louis was falling asleep in Harry’s arms.
“I love you,” he murmured, voice thick and eyes heavy.
“I love you too,” Harry smiled. “I’ll keep you safe tonight, I promise.”