How It All Should Have Gone

I looked at myself in the mirror one last time before leaving my room. I looked good, great even. I have long straight brown hair and caramel eyes. My face is smooth and my teeth are perfectly white and straight. The outfit I'm wearing is the latest fashion and matches perfectly with my new purse. Everyone at school would drool over me, that's if this was last year. Not many high school students get jealous over a soon to be teen mom. It doesn't really matter that I'm pretty or get good grades. The thing everyone will notice this year is the protruding bump under my shirt and the biggest question will be who's the father. The baby will be due in two months and no one even knows that I'm pregnant yet. Today's going to be fun. I walk downstairs and get a glass of milk.
“Hey sweetheart.” My dad looks over at me from the table.
“Mornin' Dad.” I say before drinking my milk.
It's been just us since I was two. My mom left when things got to 'stressful'. My dad has raised me by himself for 15years. Other than my current condition he's done wonderfully.
“Aren't you going to eat?” His asks.
“I don't know, I'm nervous about today.” I smile a little.
“Oh, baby. You don't have to go. I want you to but I won't force you to.” My dad is the best. He's my best friend and the only person I can really talk to.
“No, I'm going to get a bagel on the way. Thank you though.” I say kissing him on my way out.
“I love you guys!” He yells.
“We love you too!” I yell back and close the door. I pull up to the school and sit in my car for a minute. I recall all of the past years. I've always been popular and good looking from the time I can remember. I can't imagine it any other way. I know that it's going to be but I can't summon up how it's going to feel. I get out of my car and already people are staring at me. I see Santana Lopez standing near the large oak in the front of the school. Now I know the whole school will be notified about my pregnancy before lunch. We were friends once. When I first moved here. She only associates herself with the pretty people here. Once she saw that I wasn't a bitch she didn't care who I was. I didn't fit in with her so I was out. I sigh deeply and then put my game face on. I smile brightly and walk with a purpose. As I get to the main doors I flip my hair and enter the building. I walk down the hallway and go into the office.
“Hi, I'm Rachel Berry. I was told to come here at the start of school.” I smile at the secretary and try not to notice her staring at my belly. She'll be the first of 923 people to do so today.
“Right. I'll be right back.” She gets up and walks into the guidance office. When she returns Ms. Pillsbury is with her. She my guidance counselor and I love her to death.
“Rachel! Wow, you're pregnant? Can I?” She walks over to me with a hand out stretched.
“What really? I am? Oh crap! Of course!” I try to be sarcastic but the tone in my voice tells the truth. I'm just a nervous, disappointed teenage mother to be. She smiles at me and it's filled with pity. She touches my belly and it feels odd to me. She's the first person besides myself to do that. I wince a little as the baby kicks my kidney.
“If you need anything please come down to my office.” She says knowing how kids can be, especially here. The Hamptons'. It's the richest part of North Carolina and the snobbiest. We're only here because my dad travels for work. I know I don't belong here and these kids don't make it any easier.
“Thanks.” I say taking my schedule from the secretary.
I walk out into the hallway and look around. Most of the kids just look at my belly and the others don't dare make eye contact. I pretend to be absorbed with my schedule. I find my first period class and enter the room. I freeze as I walk in. Santana is all over Jesse St. James. I can't stop starring at him and when he looks at me he too stops breathing. I didn't tell him I was pregnant after we broke up. He was suppose to be moving away. I don't know what to do and we just stare at each other. I look down at my belly when he does and I can feel my cheeks turning red. When he looks back up at me he looks pained and confused. Santana notices that he's not participating in the make-out session and looks over at me to. She smiles the same old smile I've seen a hundred times. The one saying I'm better than you. I play along and smile back at her. Then I look at Jesse again and take a seat away from them. The entire time Mrs. Minervini spoke to us about discrimination in the world all I could think about was the boy sitting behind me whose eyes I could feel staring daggers through my back. When the bell rang Mrs. Minervini asked me to stay after saving me from any hard conversations about the past.
“Miss. Berry, do you mind if I ask you a few questions?” I knew this was coming.
“Sure Mrs. Minervini.” I say with a smile.
“As you know I teach the Race, Bias, and Discrimination class this year. I was just wondering if anyone is different toward you now that you're pregnant.” She was a very pretty women. Early thirties with a blonde bob cut.
“Yes, they do, not only the students but the teachers to. Like right now, you wouldn't have held me after class if I wasn't pregnant.” I look at her and am overwhelmed with the need for her to like me. Like if I was her favorite everything would be better.
“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” She looks embarrassed now.
“Oh, don't worry about it. I was just trying to be honest.” I smile to let her know I mean what I said.
“Thank you Rachel.” She says. I leave and walk into French class late. Mrs. Hade is a short women in her fifties but the nicest teacher I've ever had. As I walk into he room I can see Jesse's head. Is there any class I don't have with him?
“Ah, Rachel! Umm, nice of you to join us.” Mrs. Hade's taken back by my new appearance.
“I'm sorry Mrs. Hade. Mrs. Minervini was talking to me after class just now.” I take a sit in the back of the class.
“That's fine, we're writing down what you've need this year.” She turns back to the blackboard. Jesse turns around and tries to get my attention. I pretend that I'm writing down what's on the board and he stops trying. The bell rings and I'm the first one out of the class room. Family Life was fine because Jesse and I were in different groups for the exercise we did. I know I'm going to hate this class. It's about child development and why teenagers shouldn't have kids. Math will be my favorite class this year even though I'm horrible at it. Jesse is in a different class so I can relax, for now. I walk into the lunch room and get straight into the line. I'm so hungry I could die. My dad was right, I should have eaten before I left today. I get my food and without even looking at the groups of kids in the cafeteria I go straight to Ms. Pillsbury's office.
“Can I eat here?” I ask
“Of course Rachel. Make yourself comfortable.” She moves a pile of papers off her next for me.
“Thank you.” I say sitting down.
“Are they being difficult?” She asks.
“No, not really. I just didn't want anything to be anymore awkward.” I say before thinking and now I want to kick myself.
“Why has it been awkward?” Ms. Pillsbury, a red haired sweetheart with big deer eyes.
“Umm, It's just I can feel everyone staring at me.” I sort of lie.
“Oh, I can understand that.” She says and I eat in silence the rest of the period. As I enter my art class I'm excited. I love to paint and draw. I'm good at this, anything creative really, dancing, singing, drawing, I love it all. Once I enter though I wish I hadn't. Jesse is sitting at a table talking to Mr. Orinski.
“Rachel, you'll be here at this table with Jesse.” He says without a smile. He's the only one who hasn't stared at my stomach or mentioned the baby. Everyone must know by now. It's like the longest walk in the world and when I finally get to the table Jesse is staring at me again. This time when I look at him I can feel the tears in my eyes. I sit down and wait for him to say something. When Santana walks in I'm almost grateful. She'll be sitting at our table to. I know for a fact that she isn't artistic in any way so her being here must be her way of getting close to Jesse.
“Hey, Jess!” She smiles at him sitting down. He hates being called Jess and I laugh despite myself.
“Oh, hey Rachel, what's so funny?” She turns to me.
“Umm, nothing Santana.” I look away.
“No, really, I want to know.” She pushes.
“Just thinking about something that has nothing to do with you.” I say.
“Right.” She looks back at Jesse. I get up and pick out a canvas. I decide to paint the baby's nursery themes here. I want a more sophisticated look to the room. Browns and tans instead of the blues and pinks. I start to paint long lines of brown. I'm focused on my painting when Mr. O comes over.
“What's this?” He asks.
“I'm making paintings for the baby's room. It's going to be an elephant.” I say looking up at him.
“Every nice work Rachel. You have real talent. I think you and Jesse are my best students.” He says and look over at Jesse. He's painting with lighter browns and some tans. It looks like it's going to be a giraffe or something like that.
“Thank you.” I say going back to my art. I'm done with it by the time the bell rings. I really like it and tell Mr. O I'll be back later to pick it up.
I go to English honors with Mrs. Ingram. Once again Jesse is directly behind me. I don't understand how there aren't any other kids who show up to class early. I almost make the whole period with out anyone talking to me. Then five minutes before the bell Jesse passes me a note. It's just simple and to the point. Is this baby mine? I stare at the words and don't know what to do. Should I tell him the truth or lie? I write back. Not if you don't it to be. I think that's safe. I'm giving him the choice I took from him in the first place. As he reads the note I can almost hear him close his eyes in confused anger. Were you even going to tell me? I want to cry but continue our conversation. No.
“Why?” He blurts out loudly not being able to control himself.
“I like that you're paying attention Mr. St. James but please raise your hand next time.” Mrs. Ingram scolds him.
“I'm sorry.” Jesse mumbles. The bell rings and I leave quickly. I hope that history will be Jesse free. I walk in and am thankful to see Mr. Moore. He'll let me sit where ever I want. So even though Jesse walks in I know that I won't have to sit next to him. Mr. Moore actually gets my mind off of things for a little while. He's always entertaining and I love his classes. Seeing as I can't play gym I'm allowed to go home early. I walk into my house and my dad rushes towards me.
“Hunny, what's the matter?” He asks with panic in his voice. I haven't even realized that I'm crying until now.
“Jesse didn't move Daddy. He's still here. What I'm I suppose to do now?” I ask as he leads me to the couch.
“Oh, baby. We'll sit down with his family and talk about this.” My dad always has the best answers for everything.
“He hates me.” I say through my sobs.
“No, no one could ever hate you Rach.” He says hugging me. I get a text and open my phone.