Our Goodbye's

“What the hell Ashton!” I yelled and kicked a rock away from my foot. “I thought you were some hobo mass murderer.” I told her in a strained voice and walked over to the bench she was sitting at. I could only see half of her face under the faint light and a small smile played at her lips.

“Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you that bad.” She said with a teasing look on her small face. I just laughed and sat down next to her. I sat far enough away to show that we were friends, but not close enough to instigate that there was anything between us.

“What are you doing in the middle of a park in downtown Ottawa at 8:30 at night?” I asked and stuffed my hands in my pockets. I didn’t do it because of the cold, but because I didn’t want to grab her hand or touch her. She just shrugged and looked at me, allowing me to see her entire face.

“I didn’t want to explain everything to Bailey and Clinton. So I took a walk instead of hiding somewhere in the hotel.” She told me. “Why are you out here?”

“Kind of the same. My teammates want an explanation and I don’t really know what to tell them.” I said with a sigh. Ashton seemed to freeze at the end of my statements.

“What do you mean you don’t know what to tell them?” She asked in a hollow voice.

“I mean I don’t know what to tell them. It’s plain and simple.” I replied with a sigh. Ashton shook her head and let her hands fall onto the bench.

“Tell them we dated and broke up. It’s simple.” She said, still talking with a hollow voice. I rolled my eyes even though she couldn’t see me and shook my head.

“They are going to ask questions that I don’t even know the answers to. Hell, I ask my self questions about what happened because I don’t even know the answers to them.” I told her and she shook her head.

“What kind of questions?” She whispered and pulled her legs up to her chest. I could see she was wearing flip flops and a thin pair of yoga pants with a light jacket. Before I answered, I pulled off my team hoodie and tossed it over her legs and shoulders. She put up no fight and snuggled her face into the hood resting on the top of her knees.

“Like why you left or what happened or why you left when I needed you the most.” I replied and regretted sounding like a helpless puppy as soon as the words left my mouth. She shook her head and shrugged.

“I don’t know what to say.” She whispered.

“How about you start by telling me everything from the beginning.” I said in an almost frustrated voice. She shook her head.

“I don’t know why I did what I did okay. I just got scared and ran away to L.A.” She said and stuffed her face into her hands. I was frustrated and angry. She just left with no explanation. I didn’t want ot even look at her at that moment so I stood up and started to walk away.

“I regret it.” She yelled out before I was out of eye sight and I half way turned around.

“Regretting it isn’t enough right now.” I said in a cracked voice and kept walking away. I forced myself not to turn around and walked all the way back to my hotel and to my room.

~~~~~~~Ashton~~~~~~

I sat on the park bench for what must have been hours after he left. Snow started lightly falling at some point, but I was too numb with emotion to care. Everytime I folded myself closer into James’ hoodie, the pain hurt even worse. The sun had gone down and darkness took over long before someone found me.

Steven and Downie walked down the path side by side with a flashlight in hand. As soon as they spotted me, they rushed over and pulled me up. Steven wrapped his jacket around my shoulders and they helped my lifeless body back to the hotel.

“What are you thinking Ashton? It’s almost 10 at night and your sitting on a bench in the snow?” Downie asked once the hotel was in sight. I numbly shook my head, finally feeling the affects of staying in the snow too long.

“I really hope you don’t get sick.” Steven muttered as we walked into the building. I hid in between the two large men as we made our way to the elevator. James was no where to be found, but the guys he was eating dinner with were standing just outside the lobby, talking to people I had never seen before. The one with the long, dark brown hair spotted me and just as the doors shut, I saw him excuse him self from the group and start walking towards the elevator.

“Hold the door!” He yelled. Steven smiled and stuck his foot in the door.

“Hows it going Tanger?” He asked the tall man. I half hid behind Downie as he hit the numbers for our floors.

“Great. Its good to be back.” He replied and leaned agasint the wall. I tried to get my mind off of my nerves and sang the words of my songs in my head slowly. My fingers drummed agasint my thigh as the elevator fell silent. When I glance slightly at the floor numbers, only one button was lit up. The elevator rocked to a stop on the 10th floor and we all piled out.

The situation kept getting worse and worse as he followed us down the hall and slippede past Steven when we reached my room. The guy named ‘Tanger’ stopped at the door three down from mine and gave me one last glance before pushing his way inside. As soon as he was out of sight, I ran into my room and flew onto my bed.

“That’s James teammate!” I screamed and looked at the two guys lounging against the wall. They just gave me a look that said they already knew that, but I kept freaking out on the inside.

“His name is Kris Letang. He is a defender for the Pittsburgh Penguins, the same team James plays on.” Downie stated. “Oh and I think they are room mates.” He finished and ducked before Steven could hit him with a pillow. They bickered back and forth as I layed across my bed.

James was slowly crawling his way back into my life. After not seeing him for almost a year, I was overwhelmed. Part of me wanted to suck it up and support my decision of moving on, but the other half of my wanted to barge in his room and lock the doors for the entire weekend. How missed would we be anyway?

Ten minutes later Bailey barreled through the door with Clinton hot on her heels. She kicked both of the guys out and jumped onto my bed. She laid down softly next to me and stared at the ceiling. We all sat in silence for what seemed like forever.

“Being scared isn’t a justified answer for leaving what you had.” Clinton said. With that statement he showed me the side he chose. He was with James.

“Chasing her dreams justifies every decision she made in the past year.” Bailey shot back without taking her eyes off the ceiling. Clinton sighed in disagreement and Bailey just smirked.

“Music was my back up plan, B” I whispered. “I would have given this all up to be with James.”

“Then why don’t you?” Clinton asked like it was the simplest thing in the world. Bailey turned her head to look at me but I refused to meet either of their gazes.

“I’m already in too far. It’s too late to pull out now.” I said and finally met Clinton’s gaze. His dark green eyes stared into mine and I could see his mind thinking in overdrive.

“Maybe it’s not too late to save even a friendship.” He said like it was the simplest thing in the world. To them it sounded like that, but to me it was the most complicated answer. I shook my head and pulled my legs into my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

“I can’t just be friends with him.” I whispered. Bailey’s eyes softened and she sat up to look at me. Her anger towards the situation was swept away quickly and I was face to face with my old best friend, the one before James.

“You still love him don’t you?” She asked. I softly nodded and felt a tear role down my face and over the bridge of my nose. I clamped my eyes shut and refused to look at anyone. I heard Clinton cross the room and kneeled down in front of me. Bailey wrapped me in a hug and I cried silently. It was too hard to move on.