The mixtape

Side A

Ive gone crazy looking for someone. I don't know their age or their name. I don't know how tall they are, or what color eyes they have. I know what their handwriting looks like, and that they have a love for The Smiths and Third eye blind. That's it.

I wish I knew everything about this person. I don't understand how I could have such an amazingly powerful connection with a human being that I have never seen nor heard. I just do. And its eating me to the core that I don't even have a name to associate with them.
Let me start from the beginning.
It was after work last week. You see, after work I always go to this tree in the park. It's far enough away from the most public part of the park, but I can still see everything. I go there to watch people. I don't mean watch as in being a creep. I just like to make up stories in my head about peoples lives as they pass by me.
Anyway, Last weekend I went to sit under my tree and noticed something different. Under the part of the tree that had 'Parker and Lily 1999 til 4ever' carved into the bark, a mixed tape sat. Just begging for someone to find it. Along with it was a piece of scrap paper with the words 'Its like I wrote every note with my own fingers.' and nothing more.

I took the tape home with me. Of course I did. Pure curiosity. But, curiosity killed the cat. And not knowing who this mystery person is, is killing me slowly.
I dug through my old chest at the base of my bed for my old Walkman. I was going to do this the right way. I listened to this tape at least ten times. Some of the songs I knew, some I didn't have an idea. On the first side, 4 songs played through the headphones.
The first song was:

1. Asleep by The Smith's.
Automatically, this song caught my attention. It's a song I've only heard once or twice. The piano is alluring. It makes me think about sorrow and death. But not in the way of funerals and loss. In the beautiful way. Like when a person who passed away is out of pain and out of worry. It's morbidly calming. You don't worry for those four minutes that song is playing. I think there are people that just listen to this entrancing song and then there are others that live this entrancing song. I will be completely honest, there are times I wish I was in the second category.

2. I don't know the artist of this song.
I don't want to know either. I don't want to relate this song to any other band. Because it feels like it was written just for me. Like it came out of my own thoughts. One lyric goes, "You grew up way too fast, and now there is nothing to believe." I grew up in a strict Mormon family. The way my parents raised me gave me no choice but to act older than I was. And way before I was ready to grow up. I can't recall a time when I would act like a child without getting screamed at. I haven't ever believed in a lot of things. Like, when I was a child, Santa Clause. He never existed to me. I never got to use my imagination either. I have also never believed in love. How could I? From the time I was born til the time I was kicked out, I have never seen anything close to what people call love. My parents never showed any affection towards each other. Or to me. And weren't they the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally?

3. She talks to angels by The black crowes.
I know this song very well. Its the song that you were guaranteed to hear when you walked into the old music store. Mr. Doltar, The owner, always played the black crowes. Whenever this song came on he would say 'but this just defeats everything, this music does what music is suppose to do, touch a persons soul.' He was in his sixties when I first started hanging around his music shop. He never minded when kids would go there and not buy anything. If you talked to him, he was fine with you. I think it was because he was lonely. He lost his wife a few years before that. And music was the only other love he had. He sometimes would teach you how to play a song on the piano. He was very good. He passed away two years ago. I haven't heard this song since the music store closed. Its a great song that has always caught my attention. Acoustic guitar has always had a soft spot in my heart.

4. Another song I don't know the name of.
'Were lost in the lights and the sounds. The walls all melt to the ground.' That is the line that smacked me right across the face the first time it played through my headphones. I feel like slowing down when I hear it. I feel like my life is moving to fast. And its out of control. Everyone is to worried about the future. I'm just worried about the present. Everyone is trying to find every answer in this world. I believe that some questions shouldn't be answered. Its an easy and quiet song, and the singers voice is very soothing.

Side A was full of soft songs that had nice words and made me think. I'm calm. I'm sharp. I'm confused. I'm touched. And most of all, I'm heartbroken. Side A has made me realize how broken my heart is. It's bittersweet, really. I feel like I can accept everything that life has thrown at me. And now I'm ready to move on.