Love for Love

It was a painful wait as the taxi took us back to my house. Tom and I sat closely in the back seat, hands attached and his arm around my waist. My head was rested lightly upon his chest, feeling it move up and down in staggered breaths.

I wondered if I was doing that to him, making him feel that way when I realised that it could be no one else but me. I smiled to myself at the thought, never thinking I could have that effect on such a man like Tom, but I had.

And Tom had the same effect on me, although I tried my best to hide it. My hands that gripped onto his were clammy and nervous. They continued to fiddle with his long fingers, waiting for the taxi to finally reach my apartment.

"You know," Tom said, his thumb from his hand around my waist finding flesh and stroking it. "We never got to talk about my birthday."

I cringed, saying, "How unprofessional of me."

"You're at work tomorrow?" he asked and I nodded, my breath catching as his thumb wandered dangerously close to the edge of my pants. "I'll visit you then. You'll have time for me." His long, wandering fingers slipped underneath the cusp of my pants and held. "Won't you?"

"I'll make time," I said, my voice straining against the desire to turn around and take him right there.

Finally, the taxi arrived at my apartment and parked out front. I leaned up to the window in between the drive and me. Tom reached out to try and stop me from paying for the fair but I stopped him, pushing back to his seat.

"Let me."

I turned back to the driver and payed him whatever he asked for. I felt Tom's eyes glaring at me with feigned hurt before he exited the taxi. He held open the door for me as I slipped out. Tom closed the door behind me and the taxi instantly took off.

My hand went to my pocket to take out my keys to open the front door but I was momentarily distracted by Tom's embrace. I buried my face into his chest, taking in the soft, woody scent I picked up. He was warm against the cold wind that picked up about us.

When I pulled away, my hair whipped about my face. I struggled to see Tom through long hair but he pushed it off my face and went in to kiss me on the nose. I blushed at the feeling of his lips upon my cold nose.

"You're adorable," he said, taking me by the waist once more and led me to the door.

I pulled out my keys and opened the front door. The apartment wasn't as warm as I would have liked, but I couldn't complain. At least I had Tom to keep me warm tonight...if he stayed, in which I hoped he did.

I shut the door and followed Tom up to the top level of the building. He calmly waited at the door to my bedroom as I opened it. I was still hesitant about leaving everything opened, especially after Matilda had said that there was no security system in the house. Anyone could slip in unnoticed to Matilda and her husband, slipping in to take whatever they pleased.

I let Tom in first before following him in and locking the door behind us. He made his way over to the bathroom where I heard him turn on the tap. I ignored him for the moment as I made my way over to the bed and plugged in my mobile to the cord that I had left there.

As I did, I found out that I had a new message from Criss that read: I'm hating you so much right now. This made me smile as I responded to her text with, I love you. Nicole & Tom.

I set my mobile to the ground and hovered over to my computer where I checked my e-mails. There was one for Missy containing files for me to work on tomorrow when I checked in for work. All the rest was spam and other things I didn't really care for.

Tom must've left the bathroom because I didn't hear him approach me. He ducked down to me so that our faces were cheek to cheek. I could feel a faint coldness upon his cheeks from the water he would have splashed on his face.

I shut the lid of my computer and was about to turn to him when he placed those sweet lips of his upon my partially exposed neck. He slipped my Arsenal scarf from warming my neck so he could have full reign over it.

He dropped the scarf to the ground and softly planted another kiss just under my jaw. I let out a soft sigh and relaxed into my chair. Tom continued to move up to my face where he nibbled at my ear. I felt his tongue run over my earlobe as his free hand gripped my face.

"Oh, Tom," I said, pulling away from him and kneeling up on my chair.

His lips returned to my neck and kissing it slowly. I felt his tongue running along my jaw as he intercut discovery of me with kisses, showering my features with his perfect lips. I felt a strange tingling sensation running throughout my body as I gripped onto the chair for balance and support.

Tom must have seen my struggle because the next thing that I knew was that Tom had picked me up from the chair like I was a child and carried me to the bed. He lowered me down slowly in the upright position, settling himself in front of me.

I grabbed onto his coat and pulled him towards me as I lowered myself down onto the bed so that he was practically on top of me. His face hovered near mine, wanting to press his sweetened lips upon mine but I didn't let him. I wanted to draw out the moment, making sure that it would last forever.

I pulled off his jacket, followed by his jumper. He kicked off his shoes as I pulled off mine. We cast his clothes to the side, finding a place on the ground where they would stay for a while longer. Tom slipped off his scarf and threw it aside before going to remove my clothes.

He removed my jacket, jumper, and anything that got in the way of his kisses. I was in a tank top and my underwear by the time he was finished with me when I decided that it was my turn to take control.

I threw him off me and pinned him to the bed. I straddled him around the waist as I leaned down to kiss him on the neck as I unbuttoned his shirt. I felt his hands sneakily pulling at my top, his long pianist like fingers running along the exposed flesh of the small of my back.

I pushed myself to move even quicker because of the bulge I was starting to feel in his pants. Tom hoisted himself up on his elbows, pushing me back a little as he helped me remove his shirt.

I wrapped my legs around his waist so I was practically sitting upon him. Not like either of us minded, though. There was a topless Tom Hiddleston sitting in my bed. I went into kiss him but for some reason, I felt strange. I tried to push the feeling out of my mind, tried to ignore it, but I couldn't. There was just something there at the back of my brain that was nagging at me.

Not like this, Nicole, my mind shouted at me. Not like this. Don't throw all you believe in out the window because one guy treated you different from all the rest.

Tom noticed something different about my as we kissed and pulled way, his expression pained. I tried to go in to kiss him again but he pulled away, holding a hand upon my chest. I looked down at the hand upon my chest and took it my own.

I played with his hand in attempts to avoid giving an explanation to Tom for what had just happened because really, I don't know what did. I knew I wanted to do this, but my body was physically stopping me. I was being overpowered by my own sense of morality. Of what I personally considered what was right and wrong.

I must have been shaking really bad if Tom embraced me, speaking soothing words over me as I curled up into a little ball against his chest. He kissed me on the forehead as he pulled the blankets from underneath us and we slipped underneath them.

I struggled against myself as Tom held me. Why had I stopped? Was all I felt fuelled by a momentary desire? Did I really not like Tom as much as I thought I did? Would he even had stayed after we had been together? Would have totally ignored me once it had happened?

All this questions plagued my mind as Tom warmed me with his body heat and calmed my shakes. If there was anything that I knew, it was that I really liked Tom. I really connected with him, and all those questions were a barrier, questioning who I was as a person. They were testing me, to see if I was strong enough to live with the consequences of my actions.

From how I reacted, I clearly wasn't. I needed more time to talk myself into doing it, to accept a new way of thinking compared to my old self that I had surely left back in New York. I thought I had sworn to be a new person, a whole new being when I moved to London, and here I was, unable to please a man who clearly liked me as much I liked him.

"What happened?" Tom asked me a while later as we lay on the bed together. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I tried to explain. "Just battling it out with myself, that's all."

I shifted in his embrace so that I could see his face while we talked by my eyes only got distracted by the lines of his body and the light sprinkling of hair that dotted his chest. Tom might not have a body of Thor, but his physique was flawless nonetheless.

I let my fingers draw lines upon his chest, outlining the curves of his slight build. My fingers followed the vein that had revealed itself upon his arm. There was some muscle there, of course, but it wasn't overpowering -- it didn't stand on its own like it was a different part of his body. I melded into the rest of his body, complementing the beauty of his chest and face that nuzzled me.

"No yet?" Tom questioned, his fingers slinking underneath my clothes to grip what he thought to be my 'beauty.'

"Not yet," I confirmed as I snuggled up further against his chest and shut my eyes.