Love for Love

“If you were left alone on an island and there was one other man with you, who would it be?” she repeated, again. “Tom or Benedict?”

The question really stumped me. They were both good in their own ways that picking one meant that I would be without the other and I wasn’t sure that I could do that, despite how much I had attached myself them — and hated them at the same time.

I hated…no, hate was too much of a strong word. I disliked Tom because of what he did to me with Criss; how they lied to me and how they both played me like how they did. I was too trusting, I knew that now, and I should never really get myself involved with a client like how I did.

Or his best friend for that matter. Benedict was handsome in his own right, despite how some disliked his lack of allure — basically every good look that Tom was given, Benedict hardly had. But who could deny his personality, his charm, and his knowledge of the Oxford dictionary. Like that counted for anything.

When I looked between them, stunned and completely blank on what to say to the reporter, their eyes bore into me with an expectant reaction to chose either one of them. To be honest, I thought they would be the perfect couple. Their weaknesses and their strength’s complimented each other but I guess the reason why they had remained so close as friends was because I was between them.

Was that really it, though? Was I really what was stopping them from becoming a couple or was I just unable to decide what the hell I wanted from these two guys and in a relationship? Was it really that hard to choose between them?

Yes, I think it was and that’s why I asked Benedict and Tom, “If you guys were on an island and you could only take one other person, who would it be?”

I could see Tom double take when I asked the question, clearly not expecting it. Those curved eyebrows of his furrowed, his forehead knitting together, as he thought of on an appropriate answer.

Benedict, however, had an answer instantly for myself, the reporter, and the audience at home watching the interview, “Tom, obviously.” I shouldn’t have been surprised at his answer, but somehow, I was. I managed to conceal my surprise successfully but when Benedict continued, he didn’t take those emerald blue eyes of his off me. “I couldn’t imagine a world without the kindness and support Tom. He is the greatest best friend anyone could ask for.”

He smiled weakly at me, his hand pressed upon my back as he removed his hand and clasped his hand behind his back. When Benedict looked away from me to the reporter who smiled widely at Tom and I, I felt as if my heart had lost something that I could not explain.

It was as if, despite his stalker-ish attitude, there was some sort of strange connection that had built up over the last few days that was completely to what I had felt towards Tom. Desire, love…I could’t be sure. What I was sure of was the fact that there was something there between Benedict that neither of us could deny.

I could see that he was becoming nervous, waiting for a reaction from Tom, or even from myself as I just stared blankly at him — the surprise I felt moments ago long gone. I was completely lost for words in what Benedict had said. He cared for his best friend deeply, and that was clear, but now it was time to see if Tom would return the favour.

I turned to Tom, asking, “And you? One other person on an island with you, who would it be?”

Tom’s lips thinned as his forehead relaxed and he looked up to his best friend. Benedict gave a short, curt nod but refused to look at either of us as Tom made his decision. I tried to urge Tom on to make his decision with my eyes but I don’t think it worked very well because he took another few moments before he made that final decision.

When he did, I think I almost died.

“There are many people I could imagine the world without,” Tom started. “I think everyone could imagine a world without a few people and there are a few people that I couldn’t imagine my world without but to pick that one person you couldn’t live without is one hard question. I respect and love so many people it’s ridiculous. My parents, sisters, Benedict and even Criss, despite what happened between us, are some of the people I couldn’t imagine my world without. They helped me who I became today. WIthout the, I would be nothing.”

“So your final choice?” the reporter urged, eagar for an answer.

Tom sighed, removing whatever physical attachment he had to me at that moment and prepared to speak. Unlike what I had experienced with Benedict moments earlier, I didn’t feel that emotional detachment. It was just…nothing.

It was strange, something I couldn’t really describe to you even with all the words that Benedict could have given me. It was like Tom was there, but wasn’t. I could still feel him close to my heart, not straying to far away, but that desire I had for him earlier fell away. That desire felt like it had been stripped away and burned into nothing in the recesses of my mind.

What was left was this strange attachment to Tom, to someone I had never felt before. It was this yearning I had for him that I had not felt with him before, or even with Benedict but to compare him to Benedict would be unfair. What I had experienced with them both was completely different.

Even without hearing his final choice, I could feel myself smiling like a child at Christmas at six o’clock in the morning trying to wake up their parents to open their Christmas presents. I felt like a proud mother watching their children accomplishing something great. I felt strangely warm, as if my heart was wrapped in a warm sweater on a cold and rainy day by the fire. All I knew was that I didn’t want it to go away.

When I finally heard Tom’s answer, all I wanted to do was hug him and never let go. Even if my life depended on it. I just wanted to hold him in my arms, even if he didn’t return the gesture. I just needed those long, gangly arms of his with the calming press of his fingers against my back and the press of his lips against my forehead.

HIs gallant blue-green eyes drifted to the reporter as he said, “I can’t make that decision because there are just so many people I would love to have with me there. It seems like I would have to meld all those people I would love to have with me into one and I couldn’t think of a better person than Nicole.”

With that, I let all inhibitions go as I kissed Tom furiously on the lips in front of the camera, putting all the energy and emotion that I had felt for Benedict into this motion for Tom. All the emotions I had felt for Benedict? They were all one by the time that I had removed myself from Tom with an embarrassed smile and red cheeks.

Tom looked down at him from upon high, his features highlighted by the lights around his that lit the scene for the interview, for that kiss. I heard the crowd behind me, behind us, cheer as we broke apart.

I glanced back to them to see them with their cameras out and photographing what I had just done with Tom. I felt no shame in what I had done. Its what I felt for him in that moment I really wasn’t scared to show it.

It was in that moment, when Tom and I looked back up to each other with stars in our eyes, that I realised that I loved Tom more than I realised. Through all the pain, I had gained the ability to see the connection that we really had and I couldn’t thank Criss enough for that realisation.

Fin.