Breach

“Disgusting.”

I look to Mick who spoke out of the blue. He’s staring at me with a ‘what an idiot’ expression that makes me wonder what I had done. Thinking back on our day I don’t recall doing anything that could have gotten such a remark from him. I shrug and ask, “What is?”

“You,” he replies, waving his hand in front of my face. “How can you go from being a depressed bitch to…this?” He gestures to me as if I have suddenly sprouted wings and a halo or something.

I check to make sure I didn’t before asking, “What the hell are you talking about? I’m not acting any different…and who are you calling a depressed bitch?”

Ignoring my last question, Mick answers the first one, “I’m talking about how you were moping at my place and now that you’ve made up with lover boy-“

“Stop calling him that.”

“You can’t stop smiling. Just looking at your face makes me shiver!” Mick shivers like he said after poking my cheeks to point out the smile that I will admit has been on my face all day. It’s not like I’m trying to smile like a creeper. It just happened.

I rub my cheeks in an attempt to remove the smile but it doesn’t work, which makes Mick only grimace more. I snort, “Nice to know you find my happiness disgusting.”

Mick stops suddenly causing me to nearly trip over myself when I try to stop as well. Behind me Mick is giving me a curious look. What he has to say next makes me choke on air, “You two fucked didn’t you?”

My sudden choking only causes his already large grin to grow. His eyes are positively evil as he laughs, “Did you? You were the bottom weren’t you?”

I can’t seem to catch a break. I continue to choke on the very air I breathe, not that Mick is any better with how hard he’s laughing now. I’m blushing now. I can feel the heat that is radiating off my cheeks with such intensity I’m sure I could fry an egg on my face. Shaking my head, I somehow manage to spit out, “No we didn’t! And no way in hell would I bottom!”

A few of our fellow students stare oddly having walked in on a strange part of the conversation. Suddenly feeling very exposed I pull Mick to a more secluded area of school. I have no desire to air out my dirty laundry in front of the entire school. It’s not that I’m ashamed but I rather not put up with their shit when my love life is none of their business.

Mick’s laughter slowly dies down and he manages to ask, “You didn’t? Why not? It was the perfect opportunity for angry make up sex! That’s the best kind!”

Which is completely true but beside the point. I decide not to say that aloud because it’d further encourage Mick to be…well Mick. I am glad that I can talk to him without him saying something like, ‘that’s gross dude stop it,’ or anything someone would imagine their straight best friend would say but he still isn’t very helpful. Neither of us are. It seems that we are both clueless when it comes to relationships…

Speaking of relationships, relationships lead to sex and sex is something Antony and I, obviously, have not gotten to. Sure we’ve done more than kissing but not sex. It’s a bit odd, isn’t it? I’m not overly promiscuous but in my previous relationships I sure as hell didn’t take so long to work up to sex. Hell I’ve had my share of one night stands…but my previous relationships were all with women and Antony…he only had one other relationship…I’m assuming he has never slept with anyone other than Jean. I never bothered to ask… but why should that matter? Is there a reason we haven’t gotten to that stage yet? Nerves? Fear?

I want to say that I’m not scared about the idea of sex, but honestly I am. Lets face it, we’re both men, men who had only ever been with women. Thoughts like, what if he doesn’t like what he sees, or what if it’s the ending of our relationship, keep flooding my head. They shouldn’t considering we’ve done sexual things together before but the thoughts are still there.

I have no desire to bring it up in conversation. How awkward would it be to ask Antony why we haven’t had sex yet? Who even does that? Is that a thing? Would it be weird to do that? I feel weird thinking about it so I cannot imagine what it’d be like to ask it. I’m sure we’ll get to it…eventually…I hope.

Like many nights before I came home to make dinner for Antony and I. There wasn’t much to work with seeing as he obviously hadn’t gone grocery shopping while I was gone. I don’t blame him. I hate grocery shopping. Food is great but going to buy it is a pain in the ass. Somehow I make it through cooking dinner without thinking of the sex topic again. However, once I am no longer preoccupied my mind goes spiraling back into the abyss of fear and concern.

I begin to wonder if Antony and I have the same feelings for each other. As I think this I also begin to feel dumb. Wasn’t he the one who said he loved me first? Obviously Antony strong feelings for me…he wouldn’t lie about that. He wouldn’t say he loved another man if he didn’t…right? I sure as hell wouldn’t but if that’s true then…why haven’t we had sex? Most couples do…to make it worse I don’t even know how to bring it up. I don’t want to openly say ‘hey, lets have sex!’ because that’d be weird and if he doesn’t want to it’d put Antony in an awkward situation. I don’t want that.

“Careful, think any harder and your head will explode,” an all too familiar voice whispers next to my ear. I nearly jump out of my skin at the sudden intrusion of my personal space.

Cursing, I lean away from the smirking man to scowl, “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?” He asks smugly and follows his nose to the kitchen where dinner is waiting.

“That,” I reply, waving to the couch where he had just frightened me. “Walking up on me…and hey were you trying to call me stupid?”

Antony only chuckled at my question. He didn’t need to answer it verbally for me to know that he was calling me stupid. I roll my eyes. Who is the older one in this relationship again? I’m starting to think it’s me.

“Is something wrong?” Antony suddenly asks. He looks to me as if he expects the answer to be on my face. I remain silent, wondering how he could tell there’s something wrong. Well, not necessarily wrong but you know what I mean.

I shake my head, still unsure of how I want to bring up my issue. “No, nothing.”

Antony frowns at my response and reaches for the plates. I hesitantly help put our dinner onto plates. Antony isn’t looking at me but I still find myself squirming. We sit down at the table and go through conversations about our day. It feels normal, the same as every other dinner we’ve had…until the end.

“You’re a terrible liar, Bishop,” Antony says while retrieving our plates to put into the sink.

“Huh?” I stare at him in confusion.

Antony tosses the dishes into the sink before returning his attention to me, “Earlier, you said nothing was wrong.”

I shake my head and go to reply but Antony beats me to it. “There is something wrong. Don’t hide it, what’s up?”

“Nothing.” I try to blow off his question but Antony is persistent. He follows me into the living room where I attempt to use TV as a means to end the conversation. Antony quickly shuts the device off and takes the remote from my grasp. “What the hell? I wanted to watch-“

“Tell me what’s wrong Bishop.”

“Why haven’t we had sex?” It came out before I had the chance to stop myself. The moment the question leaves my lips I regret it. Quickly, I turn away from Antony and head for my room. I don’t want to see him or hear his answer. Holy shit, I can’t believe I let that slip. How could it just slip? I’m stupid!

But once again Antony wasn’t allowing me to have my way. He grabs my hand before I reach my door. He tugs me away from my possible escape and presses me against the wall, opposite of my door. I clench my eyes shut in hopes that not seeing Antony would somehow make him disappear.

“Could you repeat that?”

As if. No way. No way in fucking hell am I repeating that. My thoughts must reveal themselves on my face because Antony snorts and says more than asks, “You want to know why we haven’t had sex.”

“Nope, never said that. You heard wrong old man, looks like you already need hearing aids.” I bite my lip. Shit. Shit. How am I going to get out of this? What if Antony gets mad or…or says that he isn’t interested in sex with me? I would drown myself in embarrassment.

“Look at me Bishop.” He orders. His hand runs up the expanse of my throat, sending shivers down my spine. He rests his hand against my cheek, rubbing it with his thumb. I shake my head and go to bite my lip again but he runs his thumb across it, forcing my teeth to release it. The action causes my breath to hitch. “Bishop, look at me.”

Now he’s running his lips over mine. My heart is beating at a terrifying rate that somehow quickens even more when said lips press themselves against mine. Without my permission my eyes flutter open to see Antony’s are half-mast as he runs his tongue over the seam of my lips. It’s pathetic how easily he catches me. Without a second thought I part my lips in order to feel his tongue wreak havoc within my mouth.

My hands, which were pressed against the wall in panic, reach up to run up the expanse of his back and hook over his shoulders. I’m too lost in the bliss to realize that he had caught me.

Antony pulls away before the kiss deepens to the point of no return. Breathing heavily, Antony presses his forehead against mine and mumbles against my lips, “You asked why we haven’t had sex yet.”

“Uh…” Is there any point denying it anymore? No, so I just nod and pray that I haven’t put him in a difficult situation. I’m judging by that kiss earlier that maybe I haven’t.

“I’m sorry I made you worry again. I…we have a big age gap Bishop-“ that we do “I wasn’t…I wasn’t sure if I should or rather we should do that even if you’re 18. I was worried you weren’t ready yet and didn’t wish to put you in an awkward situation.”

I chuckle at what he has to say, which puts a look of confusion on his face. He scowls at my sudden smile of amusement and kicks my shin when I take to long to explain. Still chuckling, I shake my head and say, “It’s just funny because…I was thinking I’d be putting you in an awkward situation.”

The idea that Antony was as worried about the same things I was brought a smile to my face. It made me feel that we really do care for each other. I guess we should just start openly saying our thoughts because it seems the other have the same.

Antony laughs too and shakes his head. “I guess we were both worrying for nothing.”

Antony presses his hips closer to mine, bringing to my attention the problem that we currently both have. I groan at the feeling of his erection rubbing against mine through our jeans. My hold on his shoulders tighten. “So…are we in for a long night?”

“Yeah, we are.”