Skin and Bones

We met up frequently, once every two to three days and food never seemed to be involved, unlike with Garrett. Sometimes we would meet up at twelve; go see a movie or do something random and we’d finish at four without any food. By the time I got home I didn’t feel like cooking much so grabbed a piece of fruit or made a small sandwich of which I sometimes left. Karen was not best pleased at our latest meeting.

“Eva you’ve lost a pound.” She looked at me with a hint of disappointment in her eyes.

“I’ve been doing everything the same, it’s only a pound.” I hardly saw the harm.

“It’s a slippery slope Eva, one pound quickly turns into three or four. Before you know it you’re obsessing over your body again. I want to keep a close eye on this Eva; I want to see you again on Monday is that okay for you?”

“I don’t have anything else planned but I’m fine Karen, really I promise.”

“I’d like to be serious for a minute Eva, I’ve seen a change in you the past two weeks and it’s concerning me a little bit. You’re closing off again you don’t talk about things as freely and you shudder when I mention food s little bit.”

“Nothing’s changed.” I don’t know who I was trying to convince, me or Karen but I didn’t sound too confident.
“Your friend, he hasn’t bought you here for the past few sessions is he away?” She was scribbling down on a piece of paper, what I don’t know but she was moving so fast I was surprised she didn’t get cramp. I also didn’t understand why she asked about Garrett, it was hardly relevant.

“He’s touring.” I didn’t feel like going into details but the questions kept coming I thought the sessions were meant to be about me and my weight not Garrett’s touring schedule. I left the clinic not too happy with the session or with Karen, I was in there for an hour and a half it was now just gone twelve midday. I’d skipped breakfast in the morning but was on the way to help Martin decorate his new apartment so there was no time for food. The session ran over I was running late there was no time to stop and grab something, even on the go. I spent most of my day there, got home at seven exhausted realising I hadn’t eaten all day so made a quick turkey sandwich.
Monday came, another pound went, I’d had no luck on the job front but my applications had slowed. I didn’t speak to Garrett as much he either had to shoot off for an interview or I was with Martin. Martin understood, he saw my flabby arms and didn’t pressure me to eat. Ed was at the forefront of my mind once again, I’d grown to hate being home alone because I’d end up staring at myself in the mirror with Ed’s abuse hurling at me. No one knew about Ed still but I was thinking of telling Martin, we spent almost all our time at his house. He didn’t have any mirrors to repulse me and there wasn’t any nasty food in his kitchen.

Karen’s concerns grew I had lost a further three pounds but I kept certain I was doing no different, in my head I wasn’t I couldn’t see it. I was to meet Garrett at his house, spending the morning with Martin. When Garrett walked through the door he looked tired but good. His face full of excitement turned into a small frown for some reason the he embraced me.

“I missed you” he muttered into my hair, he was holding me do tight it was almost hurting.

“You too, I’m glad you’re home,” I replied letting go and taking a good look at him. His hair was considerably longer coming down his neck, and it looked like his face hadn’t seen a razor in about a week.

“I’m going to take a shower but do you want to get some food after?” He asked with a glint of hope in his eye. I’d skipped breakfast once again but didn’t feel hungry, how could I let down my best friend?

“I’ve just eaten actually.” By lying.

“Oh right, maybe tomorrow then?”

“Yeah… maybe. So did you have a good time?” I felt awkward, it was uncomfortable to say the least. HE didn’t seem the same person, I didn’t think I had changed so it must have been him.

“I always have a good time, John’s a bit sick but nothing too serious. More importantly how have you been?” I looked at him suddenly feeling very guilty. I remember sending Garrett off we had a conversation about how I would have a new job and be settled and comfortable in a new chapter of my life, I hadn’t done anything.

“Okay, I’ve not really had time to do much with Martin coming back and everything, I’ve not been one hundred per cent myself.” I had noticed a dip in my energy levels once again.

“Well you have me to help you now.” There was something about the tone of his voice which made me think he was suggesting something but I wasn’t sure.

“You do too much for me.” My guilt rose, he did everything for me but what did I do for him?

“As much as I love you I smell really bad do you want to wait around? I can shower then we can catch up properly.”

“Actually I have something to do but tomorrow yes? We can catch up tomorrow.” I had to get out of the house the guilt was swallowing me up I couldn’t take another second. Garrett was looking at me I suddenly felt inadequate, like I had gained fifty pounds.

“Lunch?” He suggested and I swallowed hard, why was he obsessed with feeding me? Did he want to see me so big I would have to be bed ridden? He didn’t seem to understand, Martin did.