Skin and Bones

“I did it! I fucking did it Garrett; I am the new assistant for Brian Dickinson. He runs a photography studio in Phoenix. They deal with a lot of weddings and mundane things like that but Brian does a lot of exhibitions and is a lot more artistic than that and wants to take me under his wing!” I almost tripped down the stairs running to Garrett who was in the kitchen fixing some snacks for the movie we were going to watch. I had received the call as soon as Garrett walked out of the room. I was so shocked I could only mutter a few pathetic thank yous.

“You’re kidding, that’s great I am so proud of you!” He dropped the bag of popcorn and embraced me tightly, slightly lifting me off the ground.

“They pay isn’t that fantastic, fifty dollars a month less than what I was getting but I get travel expenses, can do extra work for some more money. Most of all I’m going to be doing what I love is this what it feels like to be you?” Garrett chuckled at me and planted a small kiss on the top of my nose. I was a little in shock and judging by the look on Garrett’s face he was too. It felt nice, having that kind of innocent intimacy and I wanted more of it that was the reason why I plated one on his cheek, close to the side of his lip.

“So maybe erm… we can go and look for that apartment?” Garrett moved back from me a little putting a good amount of distance between us. His cheeks were flushed no more than mine I could imagine, I could feel the heat.

“Yeah of course we can. Garrett I really just want to thank you for everything. You’ve helped me so much through everything and now you’re willing to put up with me twenty four seven.”

“You’re my best friend Eva; I don’t know what I’d do without you, my best friend.” Why Garrett felt the need to repeat the last bit I didn’t know, it seemed to be directed more to himself than at me. This was exactly the thing I was talking about when I mentioned things were a little different between us. Garrett was the one I usually went to with my problems, what was I to do when Garrett was part of the problem?

“Thanks for having me over Pat.” I felt a little uncomfortable sitting on the Kirch sofa, it wasn’t something I was familiar with, or maybe it was the situation which was making me feel uncomfortable.

“Hey it’s no problem Eva; you know we’re all here for you.” He flicked some of his long hair out of his face; it was around the same length as mine,

“I just really need someone to talk to; I can’t talk to Garrett about this.”

“Wow it must be serious if you can’t talk to Garrett about it.” I started to bite my nails; I was getting nervous how could I tell him? I didn’t even know what was going on myself how could I verbalise it?”

“It’s kind of about him you see.”

“Has he upset you? “ Pat moved closer for comfort, we were quite far apart to begin with. I curled my legs underneath my body going back into myself.

“It’s see… it’s really hard… and… I can’t its stupid.” I went to get up but Pat lightly grabbed my wrist to stop me from leaving. I couldn’t help it, running away seemed like the better option. No, this was a new start I had to face this. A new Eva, I need to face this head on, no more running away.

“What’s the matter? Eva you’ll feel a lot better once you’ve let it all out.” Pat’s face was kind and sympathetic, I could trust him completely.

“Lately it feels like, I don’t know things are different between us, Garrett and I that is.” I was playing with my fingers; it seemed more interesting than anything else at that moment of time.

“Different how?” I looked back up at Pat and took a deep breath, I had to do this.

“I always thought Garrett was good looking, he had nice blue eyed but lately I keep thinking about that kind of stuff a lot, I don’t know why.”

“It’s okay to find people attractive, all of us guys think you’re beautiful but it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“But I think it’s more than that, I get butterflies sometimes and we’ve started to have these awkward moments when we get close. For example the other day he kissed the tip of my nose, then I kissed
his cheek and we got all stutter and didn’t know what to say.”

“I see, Eva only you know how you feel I can’t tell you that but what I can tell you is Garrett cares for you a lot. You don’t have to worry about what he’s going to say but you need to tell him I know that much.” of course Pat would tell me to talk to Garrett, any of the boys would have told me the same thing, why didn’t I realise that before?

“How do I start? I can’t tell him what I feel if I don’t know how I feel.”

“Tell him what you just told me. You know Garrett he’s the most understanding guy I know. Whenever any one of us has a problem he'll bend over backwards to try and help, especially when it comes to you.” Pat was right. Garrett and I had been through so much together, too much to let this get in the way of our friendship. I was still petrified to speak to him, what didn’t not help was when I finally plucked up the courage to knock on his bedroom door he was shirtless and wet. I didn’t know fully what my feelings were but I knew I found him attractive. Having not been on tour for a while Garrett had time to jog and go to a few gym sessions. He was still on the slightly skinny side but had more muscle definition on his chest down to his hips. His growing hair was stuck to the back of his neck and the front of his face, letting droplets of water fall onto his broad shoulders. As soon as he saw me his face broke out into that lopsided grin I loved so much. It completely threw off my conversation, so much so I started to stutter all over the place.

“Something wrong Eva?” Garrett walked over to me and put each hand on either side of my arms, I
had to remind myself to look at his face.

“I need to talk to you about something, sorry can you put a shirt on first?”

“Oh … sure Eva.” Garrett furrowed his eyebrows before taking out a plain white T shirt from the drawer and throwing it on; I know he was confused by my request. We slept in the same bed often and I didn’t complain about him being shirtless then.

“Garrett do you remember the other day when we kissed each other? I mean you on my nose and me on your cheek.” Just saying the first part of that sentence made me flush.

“Y…yes,” he was also getting just as nervous now, he was stuttering and wasn’t making eye contact any more.

“Did you feel… different?”

“Different how?” Garrett’s voice was cracked; it reminded me of when we were fifteen years old.

“Funny different, tingly? I don’t really know how to describe it.” I swallowed hard, I wasn’t making any sense, none of this seemed to make any sense.

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, I won’t do it anymore.” why did Garrett sound so deflated? What I said next shocked me.

“No I like it, but I think I’m scared I liked it.” Garrett made eye contact with me once again and a full grin appeared on his face.

“Eva, I’m going to let you know something but I don’t want you to freak out okay? Nothing has to change if you don’t want it to. You’re too special to me Eva; you come before everyone even Rachael. I never understood why until two years ago, I realised I had feelings for you. That’s why I always want to care for you, why I put you first. Why I have this urge to make you happy, to make you better and to be there for you. I understand you’re in a really sensitive place right now and this doesn’t have to be addressed until you’re better.

“Gare I don’t know what to say. I was so scared of what I was feeling I don’t really know what I’m feeling really. All I know is you’re handsome, I like it when we’re close and sometimes I get butterflies but as you said, I’m vulnerable. I couldn’t possibly think about anything else other than myself right now. I wish I could sit here and say I like you back but my mind is so clouded with other things I’m not sure about anything.”

“As I said Eva it doesn’t have to change anything, getting you better is the most important thing right now.” He smiled and brought me into his chest giving me a hug I never knew I needed.

“How are you so selfless?” I asked wondering if there were any flaws to him.

“I just want what’s best for you.” He kissed the top of my head causing the outrageous butterflies once more.