All or Nothing

Eliza was about as nervous as she could be.

Not only did Shades of Grey have their first concert tomorrow night, but they’d sold over a thousand tickets, and her boys plus Val and Katie were coming to town for the concert today.

Jocelyn had sent them all tickets, and Katie confirmed they were all coming; Brian included. Eliza had offered her apartment for them to stay at instead of getting several hotel rooms and they’d accepted.

Now she had another thing to be nervous about. She and Brian were sleeping under the same roof, but not in the same bed.

“Fuck,” she said as she chipped her fingernail on the zipper to her skirt.

“Is that really what you’re wearing?”

She whirled around and saw Katie and Val in her doorway. Not caring that she was only wearing a bra and a skirt, she ran to them and hugged them. She'd come downstairs half-dressed because she was thirsty. Now, her best friends were in her doorway.

“No, this isn’t what I’m wearing,” Eliza said, pulling away.

“Thank God, because that would be awkward,” Katie said and smiled.

“I love your tattoo!” Val exclaimed, looking at Eliza’s now-healing tattoo.

Eliza glanced down at her chest where she could see the bottom of her tattoo. The day after Christmas, she and Katie had gone to a tattoo place near Katie’s house and she’d sat down in the chair for two hours. In flowing script, “Nothing Else Matters” was written across the top of her chest.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“Uhm, hello, you’ve got your first concert tomorrow night!” Val said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Duh,” Eliza said and hit her forehead with the palm of her hand. “I meant you’re early, is all. Where are the guys?”

“They decided they were hungry and went to go get food. We, on the other hand, wanted to see you!” Katie said.

“Yay!” Eliza said, making a face of exaggerated happiness.

They all laughed and moved back into Eliza’s apartment.

“I can’t believe you opened the door in your bra,” Katie said as she snapped Eliza’s bra strap while they walked up the stairs.

"Technically, I didn't answer my door; you guys just burst in like you own the place."

Eliza kicked her leg out behind her, colliding with Katie’s arm. All three of the girls laughed as Katie shoved Eliza, making her almost fall on the steps.

“So what are you really wearing for the concert?” Val asked as she made herself comfortable on Eliza’s bed.

“I think you should wear shorts,” Katie said. “With some kind of loose top. I saw this pretty one in Forever 21 if you wanna go look at it.”

“Actually, I’ve got it all planned out. You’ll just have to wait until tomorrow night to see it,” Eliza said with a smile.

“Well I’m pumped,” Val said. “I can’t wait to see you live. After seeing you sing in the car, this is going to be twice as good.”

“Actually, I want you guys to hear a song,” Eliza said as she shimmied out of her skirt and pulled on a pair of sweatpants. “You guys wanna come to the studio? I was on my way to meet the boys there.”

“Oh, fun! A sneak preview!” Val said.

“I love being friends with famous people,” Katie said and sighed.

Val and Eliza laughed at her. Eliza pulled a hoodie over her head and put a hat on her black hair.

“Nice hat, hooker,” Katie said as she looked around the room.

“Thanks, I think it’s great.”

“Where’d you get it?” Katie asked, her hazel eyes sparkling as she looked at Eliza.

Eliza saw the smile threatening to push through Katie’s features and smiled widely. She’d gotten the hat from Katie’s closet when they were there for Christmas. In Delaware, there weren’t a lot of teams to pull for; either you pulled for someone up north, or you could pull for Maryland or a Virginia team. Katie’s parents had gone to Virginia Tech, and that’s how Katie got most of her VT stuff. Eliza just really liked the hat and stole it from her.

“I got it from some hooker,” she said, shrugging her shoulders as if it was no big deal.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Katie said and threw a pillow at her.

Eliza caught it and laughed. She pulled on her shoes and stood up straight.

“Okay, let’s go.”



Soon after, they tumbled into the studio, laughing.

All three boys turned their heads towards the girls. Two of them smiled, seeing Eliza so happy, and one didn’t have any reaction on his face.

After everyone said their hellos, Eliza explained that she wanted Val and Katie to hear the new song Hunter and Eliza had come up with. He smiled as both girls looked at him with shocked faces. Eliza grabbed her guitar and sat down next to Hunter which shocked the girls even more.

They plugged up their guitars to the amps and Alex moved to his drum kit before setting up. Eliza, Hunter and Dominic sat in chairs around him before Alex counted them off.
A quick-paced song fell on Val and Katie’s ears and soon, Hunter started…rapping. That was the only way Val and Katie could describe it. His voice rang out above the guitars and the drums, and Val and Katie couldn’t help but nod their head along with the song.
When the chorus came up, Eliza’s voice rang out above everything.

“You know I can take you straight to heaven if you let me. You know I can make your body levitate if you let me. You know I can make your body levitate, le-levitate. You know I can make your body levitate, le-levitate, you know!”

Dominic’s voice came out of nowhere, in the same manner as Hunter’s. He rapped the second verse as the rock-hip-hop music continued. Eliza came in after Dominic’s part and sang the chorus, but on the third verse, it went back to Hunter. The girls watched as their best friend smiled toward Hunter and he returned it. They shared a look of confusion, and then listened as they finished the song.

“Holy shit that song was amazing!” Katie cried.

“It was really fucking good,” Val said, nodding in agreement.

Their talk was interrupted as the Avenged boys walked through the doors. Val and Katie moved to say hello to their respective guy while Jimmy hung back with Brian.

Brian glanced around the room. The studio was bigger than he remembered. His eyes fell on Dominic and Alex who both nodded at him. They shifted to Eliza. She had on a pair of sweatpants, running shoes, a tank top and a maroon hoodie that was cut off just below her chest. Her black hair was straight under the fitted maroon had she was wearing. He saw the letters “VT” and wondered what they meant. Her eyes were dark and a smile was on her lips, but she wasn’t looking a direction he expected.

She’d pulled her chair close to Hunter and was smiling at him. Brian’s eyebrows furrowed and he leaned in close to Jimmy.

“Since when is she friends with him?”

“Who knows, dude,” Jimmy said who was just as astonished as Brian was.

She’d said she didn’t like Hunter, yet here she was smiling at him, acting like she was his best friend and having a blast.

The two boys watched as Eliza laughed with Hunter and strummed a few times on her guitar and laughed again at something Hunter said. Jealousy coursed through Brian but he knew there was nothing he could do about it, so he remained quiet.

He remained quiet throughout the night. They went to dinner and to some bar before they headed back to Eliza’s apartment.

Val and Matt took the extra bedroom while the rest of the guys and Katie made themselves comfortable on the two huge sectional couches Eliza had in the living room. Brian was on one side with Jimmy’s feet at his head. Across from him, Johnny made himself comfortable and Katie stretched herself on top of Zacky.

He could hear Eliza moving around upstairs and tried to visualize her movements. He imagined her hair pulled up into a messy bun because she couldn’t sleep with her hair down. She was wearing a pair of shorts and a sports bra, because if she didn’t sleep naked, that’s the only way she would be able to be comfortable.

He saw her stretching her legs as she brushed her teeth. He could faintly hear music over the television and Zacky’s snores and knew she was calming down in order to be able to sleep.

Finally, the footsteps stopped and he knew she was in bed now, so he closed his eyes and tried to get comfortable.

Eliza turned and tossed for over an hour. She’d had trouble sleeping since October anyway, but now that Brian was literally below her in the same house, it was even more difficult to fall asleep.

Finally, she stood up and moved to her bathroom, preparing the mirror and straw for the lines she was going to do. She lifted up the back of the toilet and was about to pull off the baggie of coke she’d taped then when she realized she wanted to go to sleep, not wake up. She sighed and put the lid back and rocked back on her heels, thinking.

Remembering her purse, she went out to her room and grabbed the small cellophane bag from one of the pockets. She looked inside at the two white pills and the two blue pills. She pulled out one of the white ones and broke it in half and took the blue pill to the bathroom to cut it in half, as well. After cutting the blue pill, she used the razor to cut the white pill and lined two small lines of each on the mirror.

She leaned down and inhaled all four lines before leaning back and making sure it was all gone. She dipped her finger under the faucet and inhaled that as well, making sure everything was gone.

She cleaned up her mess and put the pills in her medicine cabinet before slowly walking back to her bed. She took the giant body pillow and placed it behind her as she’d done every night since October, imagining he was there with her.