I Have but Two Faces

When I went home the next day, I found everyone in the living room apparently waiting for me to come home. Mom sat on the couch along side dad, Uncle Aidan sat next to my father, while Zane sat in a chair facing them, close to the kitchen. My mother looked over at me and smiled gently. "I think we all need to talk after what happened yesterday. Come sit, Sonya." I bit my lip and gave a sharp nod, even after a nice night's sleep I wasn't ready for this. I grabbed myself a chair from the kitchen and placed it next to Zane. "There has been some tension in this house and some harsh words have been said, " Dad didn't look at us and Zane dropped his eyes to his clenched hands. "We need to talk about what happened. It is going to be hard, but take your time and please no shouting or arguing. Okay?" We all quietly agreed to not start arguing; we didn't want a repeat of yesterday. "Zane would you like to go first?" Zane's eyes stayed on his hands, but he slowly nodded and took a deep breath. He started off slow and hesitant, trying to explain how he felt during the time of the coma and how he's feeling now. A few times he had to pause and recheck his emotions or he would have cried or yelled. Thankfully he never talked about me except where I helped him; he didn't try to speak for me. Over all he did really well getting across what he's been experiencing through this whole ordeal. Next, my dad went and tried his best to give his point of view on the matter. I guess it made me understand him better and what he's been going through, but I was still mad at how he handled the situation. After my dad was my Uncle. It was interesting to hear how he felt through the whole thing since he was kind of a third person point of view. He didn't really know us, but he explained what it was like to get to know us over the months and how he viewed everything that happened. Finally, it was my turn.
"Sonya." My mother smiled encouragingly to me.
I got nervous and uncomfortable, though I knew I needed to get all these mixed up feelings out in the open to my parents. My eyes fell to the floor and I began. "When it first happened I was freaked out. Mom was in another country, in a coma. I knew one of us had to go there, that's why I automatically sent dad to be there. However, I didn't think things would get so out of hand as they did. I was worried and scared that at any moment I'd get a call that something happened to mom, but I didn't have time to worry about myself... I felt like I couldn't worry about myself. I had to make sure dad was okay since every time we talked he sounded awful, withdrawn, weak, anxiety ridden. I could picture him sitting at your bed side day in and day out not moving. Forgetting to eat, sleep, forgetting about us. I had to take care of Zane. With dad gone, it was really only me to reassure him that everything was going to be okay even though I wasn't sure. I know we have friends and we talk to them and they did so much for us." My voice was cracking, but I continued on. "But when night falls, it's just me and him. All we had was each other and it was suffocating in this house, but I couldn't escape it. As the weeks passed and both of you were over seas we had to work more to pay the bills. Mom's check wasn't fully covering everything anymore since they cut it by about 3/4, so we had to pick up more hours at work. Working added more stress to my life that wouldn't have been bad but it's senior year and I have so much work to get done before the end of the year. Half the time I was finishing homework at 2am or right before school or class. The uncertainty of everything was crushing, but I couldn't think of it... I had to make sure everyone else was okay or I would have fallen apart like everyone else."
"Couldn't you have talked to Micky or Luke?" Mom asked gently.
I still didn't look up. "I did a little, but Luke's been busy with work and Chels. I didn't want to bug him. And Micky's been going through a tough time too, him and Trina broke up the night before we found out about you. It was incredibly messy to the point where she also hates me. I guess what I've been feeling through all this is like everything around me has crumbled and there is no up and down anymore. Even now I don't know what to do. The Micky/Trina problem is still there and even though you're home this house is always filled with tension. Zane and dad yell all the time over the stupidest of things, I'm still working every waking hour... what am I going to do after I graduate? How are you and dad going to pay the bills while you're in physical therapy? How are you going to pay the physical therapy bills? How are we going to pay for college? Are we even going to be able to go? I have endless amounts of questions and it's making me insecure and panicked." Everyone was quiet as they took in what I said. No one brought up those questions that were wicked important and the most worrisome. "I need to know that everything is going to be okay, I need to know that there is some kind of plan. I don't know about anyone else, but that is what I need. I need to know whether or not I should plan for college or if I should take a year off and help here until mom's back on her feet. I need security." My dad opened his mouth to say something, but I continued. By now my voice was monotoned with trying not to freak out again. "I had a panic attack yesterday..." My head dropped forward so my hair shadowed my face. "We can't keep avoiding what has happened, because that's exactly what we are doing." I was emotionally drained by the time I was finished talking. As I explained my feelings, flashes of memories passed through my mind and it was taxing. As a family we talked a little more about the subject and decided to talk to a therapist; we would be going soon.
After the family meeting, I headed to my room to take a nap. As I laid on my bed, Zane knocked on my door frame. "Mind if I come in?"
I turned my head. "Come on in."
He laid next to me. "Micky told me about what happened. Are you okay?"
"I am now, and should be if we decide on what to do. I can't keep playing this guessing game for my future, it's stressing me out way too much. The final rock that makes everything crumble under it."
Zane grabbed my hand and placed it on his cheek. "I'm sorry about everything. I sometimes forget that even the rock needs support at times. You were so strong looking through this whole thing, always making sure I was okay and dad was okay that I never really considered how you were taking this. You were my rock, I shoulda been yours." I smiled gently at him and patted his cheek. He smiled sadly back before closing his eyes and joining me for a nap.