Amor Vicissitudine

"Tony, calm down, she'll be fine!" Jaime tried to console me as I paced around the waiting room of the hospital, my fingers twirling the brand new engagement ring around my finger as I did so.

"How do you know?" I stopped pacing and stared at him, fidgeting nervously as I did, "Jaime, this labor has lasted almost an ENTIRE DAY!" I didn't shout but stressed the last two words, trying to get him to realize that it wasn't normal for that to be happening. We came into the hospital yesterday at around seven at night and right now it's almost two in the afternoon. My entire body just kind of felt like somebody was rubbing it the wrong way and the tension in the air made it feel like it was vibrating.

I sighed and went back to pacing, holding my hand to my face and spinning the ring around and around my finger. My breath was bated and heavy as my feet fell softly on the floor. My eyes were wide and searching as they drifted from one check on the floor to another. I had been in the hospital room earlier, massaging Sicily's back, keeping her relaxed with the occasional kiss and a few kind words. Then she started to shout obscenities in Spanish at Jaime and I and everyone decided she needed a little time to herself.

The nurses and doctors stayed on call because you know, she's giving birth. She has to push an eight pound ball of human through her vagina and with that comes screaming, pain- from both parents- and more screaming.

I heard a scream that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and stopped mid-pace, turning and bolting toward Sicily's room.

"STOP RUNNING!" I didn't pay any attention to Jaime as he trailed behind me, trying to catch up with my long strides. I slid my way into the delivery room and saw Sicily laying in the bed, her face and chest soaked in sweat. Oh God even looking like that she was so gorgeous.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" A single blood curdling scream came from her lips as the doctors and nurses continued to urge her to 'push' and 'take deep breaths'. It all sounded so disgusting. I don't know why I decided to come back inside. There was a pause in the screaming and the shouting as Sicily caught her breath.

I stepped over to her side and grabbed her hand in mine, my heart racing faster than a billy goat on speed. I'm so terrified of becoming a dad. Oh God. She gripped my hand tightly and squeezed hard as a wave of pain over came her body. There was a soft wave of nausea that washed over me, but I fought it back, thinking that I had to tough it out,

"Hey, Ci. You're doing great baby." She panted and stared down at the doctors, her eyes staring lazily through half drooped lids. I stroked her hair, pushing the dark, curly tresses back so I could see her brilliant blue eyes better, "Hey, baby, look at me." She turned her head, "You're doing great, okay? Yeah, keep looking at me." I tried to keep her eyes on me as the doctors did some stuff that I didn't really want to be associated with and to keep her mind off the pain, "Look at those beautiful blue eyes of yours." I leaned down and kissed her sweat soaked forehead, "You're doing great." I continued to stroke her forehead until she started to moan in pain and her death grip started to turn my hand blue.

I gasped at the pain of her squeezing it so tightly and she looked at me half apologetically. I continued to stare down at her legs as the doctors urged Sicily to push and breath and do all these different things until after one final scream and a long ass "push" I heard something squealing at the end of the hospital bed.

The doctors pulled up a little alien looking thing that I guess was my kid. She was screaming and crying in the shrillest of voices but she was still so gorgeous. She had a full head of curly, dark hair and had a mix of Sicily's skin tone and mine. She was so cute. I squeezed Sicily's hand back as best I could as she collapsed back onto the bed,

"Congratulations! It's a beautiful baby girl!" The nurse who had caught her held her up so Sicily and I could see her, "Dad do you want to cut the umbilical chord?" She started to walk toward me, holding Alexa on a towelesque cloth. I turned to Jaime who had been standing behind me the entire time and nodded toward my daughter,

"Why don't you and I do it together? I mean. You are her uncle and my brother in law. You deserve a little bit of family love in this." He chuckled and shook his head,

"No, I think you should do it. She's your daughter."He stepped back and pushed my shoulder Alexa. I shrugged and took the shear type instruments that the nurse was holding up to me. While I wasn't looking they had twisted something onto the middle and it was sitting there, waiting for me to just cut it, breaking one of the first ties between mother and daughter.

I chuckled and felt my eyes starting to tear up. Oh God, I don't ever normally cry from stuff like this. Being with Sicily has made me soft! I sat back down next to Sicily and kissed her cheek as the nurse laid Alexa in her arms. God she was so beautiful. And she was mine! Mine! I'm a dad! Holy shit.

I'm a DAD!

I out one of my arms above Sicily's head and kissed the side of it as she stared down at Alexa. A shutter sound went off and after I finished kissing Sicily I looked up to see Adam Elmakias standing at the end of the bed, camera in hand,

"Give me a quick family photo!" I laughed and leaned down, looking at the camera and smiling widely. I looked around and felt like there was something missing.

Jaime was standing off behind me in the corner, trying to be out of the way. I looked at him and motioned him to join us,

"You're part of this family too, remember? Come here and get on this side." I quickly shuffled around the bed and got on the opposite side so Jaime could be on the one side of Sicily. We all stopped and stared at the camera, wearing the biggest grins we could.

"One more!" Adam shouted and Jaime and I got the same idea to kiss Sicily's cheeks. We did it at the same time as Adam snapped the picture. That was definitely going to be a keeper.

I smiled again and leaned down, kissing Alexa's head. Sure, it was slimy and gooey, but it was my daughter. And if she was slimy and gooey then I was fine with it.

Holy fuckery.

I'm a dad.